|A Little Romance|
|Season 2, episode 11|
|Air date||January 13, 1989|
|Writer(s)||Rob Dames & Bob Fraser|
|Previous||Middle Age Crazy|
When Kimmy explains Michael Montfort (Jonathan Brandis) to her best friend, D.J. finds him to be so cute, and Kimmy thought she found him to be just okay, but D.J. says that that was before she knew he liked her. Kimmy arranges for them to meet him at the bike yard after school the next day. Then Stephanie bursts into the room doing the "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" rhyme, with D.J. covering her mouth. After removing her hand, Stephanie completes the rhyme, causing D.J. to plop face down on her bed, and Stephanie to start up the rhyme again.
The next day, the best friends are in the schoolyard ready for the big moment, when Michael arrives. They have a little chat and decide to sit with each other at lunch the next day, and he gives her a friendship bracelet for good measure. He later comes over to the house so D.J. can help him with his homework (see infobox photo and Quotes).
Meanwhile, Rebecca and Danny are hosting a charity event where eligible bachelors are auctioned off to women who want a date with them, so Jesse's father Nick comes over to babysit the girls. Among the participating bachelors are Danny and Joey (who are sold for $300 and $150, respectively). However, after a massive bidding war, it is Jesse who ends up receiving the highest bid of them all – from a jealous Rebecca, who wins with a bid of $1,700 (see Quotes and Video).
In the kitchen, D.J. and Michael do their homework together. As he gets ready to go home, he informs her that he plans to sit with Kathy Santoni at lunch the next day. When she asks why, his explanation shocks her (and the audience; see Quotes), as what aptly began as "A Little Romance" ends in a huge heartbreak.
That night in their room, when Stephanie asks about what happened with Michael, D.J. says that they broke up and wants to be alone (see Quotes).
When they come home, the guys hear about D.J.’s broken heart after Nick explains the situation to them. However, they make her feel worse when Danny tries to tell her the story of "The Ugly Duckling", and Becky isn't happy about it, either (see Quotes).
Becky and D.J. have a talk alone about tonight's events (complete with inspirational music, see Quotes). Afterwards, they hug, and D.J. decides that maybe another time, they should talk about girl stuff.
As they exit the room (and the music stops), they discover Stephanie snoozing in her sleeping bag with Mr. Bear next to her near the doorway. Becky is surprised at this, but D.J. assures her that she can handle this problem on her own. As Becky heads downstairs, D.J. drags the sleeping bag—with Stephanie and Mr. Bear in tow—inside and puts it by the toy chest.
The chat works, and when Danny finds out when Becky comes downstairs to the kitchen, he thanks her for the help and then heads upstairs to say goodnight to D.J. After he leaves, Jesse and Becky talk about tonight's auction, and even about how they should go out more often, then share a kiss (see right; as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
Kimmy: [runs into D.J. and Stephanie's room excitedly] Stop the homework!
D.J.: But if I stop, you won't have anything to copy.
Kimmy: Well, this is more important. How do you feel about Michael Monfort?
D.J.: He's okay, I guess.
Kimmy: Well, I heard from Tom Altobello who sits next to the Epstein twins that Michael Monfort likes you.
D.J.: Are you serious? He's so cute.
Kimmy: But I thought he was just okay.
D.J.: That was before I knew he liked me. Are you sure he likes me?
Kimmy: He wants you to meet him tomorrow after school at the bike racks.
D.J.: Is this a trick?
Kimmy: If I'm lying, I will never go shopping again.
D.J.: He really does like me. [She goes into an ecstatic faint onto her bed. Her sister comes in with the "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" rhyme, and she covers her mouth at "K-I-S-S-" and then again at "marriage".] Does the whole school know?
Stephanie: I don't think the third grade knows. They were on a field trip. 'Then comes D.J. with a baby carriage.' [Her sister plops face down.] 'Michael and D.J. sitting in a tree...'
[Michael and D.J. are meeting each other for the first time, and he has a gift for her.]
Michael: You want this? It's a friendship bracelet.
D.J.: Oh, yeah, sure. Thanks. It's really neat. [She puts it on.]
[As the camera cuts to a wide shot, the whole school is witness to this moment as they emerge from the bushes.]
Kimmy: Way to go, D.J. We have a boyfriend.
Stephanie: It's about time.
[In the living room...]
Stephanie: Okay, Grandpa, the name of the game is seven-card stud. But this time, only sixes, nines, twos, kings and one-eyed jacks [hearts and spades only] are wild.
Stephanie: Wrong game, Michelle.
D.J.: Hi, Michael! Let's go do our homework [She pulls him into the kitchen by his arm (see infobox photo)].
Stephanie: I'll see your two Flintstones stickers and raise you three Hello Kitty's.
Nick: I call. Seven queens. Beat that.
Stephanie: Seven aces.
[D.J. and Michael are doing their homework in the kitchen, and they're in the middle of a discussion.]
Michael: No way.
D.J.: I swear. My dad was alive when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon.
Michael: No way! It's in our history book.
D.J.: He said.
Michael: Amazing. Well, I gotta get home.
D.J.: So, I'll see you at lunch tomorrow?
Michael: I can't.
D.J.: Why not?
Michael: I promised Kathy Santoni, I'd sit with her tomorrow.
D.J.: Kathy Santoni? You can't eat lunch with Kathy Santoni. Everybody will say you're boyfriend-girlfriend.
D.J.: But I thought we were boyfriend-girlfriend.
Michael: Yeah, well, you're real nice and fun and smart... but Kathy Santoni is... so pretty. Thanks for helping me with my homework. I gotta go. [He leaves, and she takes off the friendship bracelet he gave her, throws it on the floor, and sulks from a broken heart.]
[A forlorn D.J. lies on her bed.]
Stephanie: [entering] Hi, D.J. How come your boyfriend left so soon?
D.J.: I don't have a boyfriend.
Stephanie: Uh oh. Did he dump you?
D.J.: We broke up. Just forget it. I want to be alone. [She gets up to grab some of Stephanie's things.] Here's a sleeping bag, your pajamas, and your pillow. Go sleep with Michelle.
Stephanie: [as she is pushed out the door...] But– But– But– But– But– But... [D.J. closes it.] ...aren't you forgetting something? [D.J. opens the door, throws out Mr. Bear against the opposing wall, and shuts it again.] How rude! [She goes to pick him up while trying not to drop the rest of her stuff.]
[At the auction...]
A woman: Number 12. I'll remember that.
Jesse: I'll remember that. See that? That woman pinched me like a ripe tomato. At least she noticed you.
Danny: I feel like I'm back in high school. Nobody wants me. I'm going to be totally humiliated. I'll probably get a zit.
Joey: Come on, this is fun. Now we know how women feel. Let's go to the bathroom together.
Becky: Hi, guys. Having a good time?
Jesse: Is there any way I can get out of this fiasco?
Another woman: [walks up] Hi, I'm Crystal. Are you one of our bachelors?
Jesse: Hi. Yes, I am. Tomato number 12.
Crystal: I took the liberty of buying you some champagne.
Jesse: [takes a glass] Thank you. A toast to charity. [They bonk.]
Becky: He's a true humanitarian.
[Nick checks on Michelle in her bedroom and makes a discovery.]
Nick: Hey [closes the door]. Hi, Michelle. You got a roommate. Isn't that fun?
Michelle: Shh. Stephanie night-night.
Nick: I'll try and keep it down. [He leaves.]
Michelle: [drops a light pillow on Stephanie's face] Wake up [laughs].
[At the auction...]
Danny: [to one bachelor] Sold for $300. Congratulations. Who would have guessed that something, this wonderful would happen to you on your first day of parole. Just kidding. And now, ladies, feast your eyes on bachelor number 10. For an evening of dinner and dancing at Luigi's two weeks from now, Mr. Joey Gladstone. The bidding starts at $100. I have 100. Do I have 150? One-fifty. Do I see 200? Two hundred? Two hundred dollars? Ladies, I don't think you understand what we have here. This man is a comic, he does impressions. You buy him, you buy a date with anyone your fantasies desire. [And Joey does modeling impressions for the following...] Tom Selleck. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Sylvester Stallone. Two hundred dollars, 200. Do I have 250? Two-fifty. Do I see 300? Three hundred? Three hundred. Three hundred dollars, going once, going twice. Sold for $300 to the woman with the bird on her hat. [...] [Later, after he is sold for $150...] Okay, it's time now for bachelor number 12, Mr. Jesse Katsopolis. Come on, Jesse. Jesse is an up-and-coming advertising jingle writer, he's a musician-- [...] Do I have $100? [All the women raise their paddles.] Stupid question. Two hundred? [They raise their paddles again.] Three hundred? [And again.]
Crystal: I bid $1000.
Danny: What do you think of that, Jesse?
Jesse: [after Crystal goes up onstage to see him, up close and personal] A thousand dollars for a night with me? No pressure there.
Danny: A thousand dollars, going once, going twice--
Becky: [gets up] Eleven hundred!
Jesse: Eleven hundred?
Crystal: Twelve hundred.
Becky: Thirteen hundred [gets on the stage].
Crystal: Fourteen hundred.
Becky: Seventeen hundred dollars. [Everyone applauds the bid.]
Danny: All right. How about $1800? Anybody?
Crystal: [to Becky] Take him. I could never explain $1800 to my husband.
Danny: Sold to Rebecca Donaldson for one thousand seven hundred dollars.
[The guys and Becky come home from the auction.]
Jesse: I can't believe Joey just did that.
Nick: Hey, all you guys get sold?
Joey: Nick, I got a great girl.
Danny: [sitting down on the couch] I got her grandmother.
Jesse: Well, I got Becky. Pop, she paid 1700 bucks for me.
Nick: What are you, nuts?
Joey: That's what I said.
Becky: Well, it was for a good cause and I... So, Nick, how are the kids?
Nick: Well, Steph had to sleep with Michelle because D.J. wanted to be alone. Her boyfriend broke up with her.
Jesse: Oh, no. She must be crushed.
Danny: Her first broken heart. ... [stands up and sighs] This sounds like a job for Dad. [heads toward the stairs and stops] What should Dad say?
Jesse: You better take along junior dads.
Joey: [as all three head that way] Junior dads.
[D.J. is looking at a magazine on her bed when the guys walk in.]
Danny: We heard what happened. Did you have a fight?
D.J.: No. It's all because I'm not pretty.
Jesse: Oh, come on.
Danny: That's not true. I think you're very pretty.
D.J.: You have to think that. You're my dad.
Danny: Honey, did I ever tell you the story of The Ugly Duckling?
Joey: Right, good story.
Jesse: Yeah, tell The Ugly Duckling story.
D.J.: Ugly? You guys think I'm ugly? I just thought I wasn't pretty, now I'm ugly. [She gets up, walks out, and goes into the bathroom.]
[Outside of the bathroom door...]
Joey: We don't think you're ugly.
Jesse: Yeah. It's the duck that's ugly.
Danny: And the duck turns into a beautiful swan.
Becky: [comes upstairs, apparently having overheard all of this] I don't believe it. You guys told her the story of The Ugly Duckling?
Becky: You never tell that story unless it's about some other kid!
Stephanie: [walking out of Michelle's room] Oh good, my room's open. [She goes in and puts Mr. Bear down.]
Becky: [knocks on the bathroom door] D.J.? It's just Becky. Do you wanna come out so we can talk?
Stephanie: [as she goes back to Michelle's room] Forgot my stuff.
[D.J. opens the door and walks out.]
Becky: Come on, sweetheart. Let's go in your room.
[They do just that and close the door. Stephanie emerges from Michelle's room with the rest of her bedding, and can't believe what she sees. She knocks on the door. The door opens and D.J. throws Mr. Bear against the wall again before reclosing the door.]
Stephanie: [picks up her friend] Sorry, Mr. Bear. You've had a rough night.
[In D.J. and Stephanie's room, Becky and D.J. have a talk about tonight's events.]
D.J.: Becky, there's nothing to talk about. I'm ugly, boys don't like me and that's it.
Becky: D.J., that's not true. You happen to be a very pretty girl. But I know how you feel. When I was in the 7th grade, I had the biggest crush on Sven Andersen. But he liked blondes. So, I got a big bottle of peroxide.
D.J.: Did it work?
Becky: [chuckles] It turned my hair orange. I looked like Howdy Doody in a miniskirt.
D.J.: Howdy who?
Becky: Anyway, my mother said: 'Don't you worry about what a boyfriend or anybody else thinks of you. You just be the best Becky you can be.' Then she made me stand there and list all my good points.
D.J.: You're not gonna make me do that, are you?
Becky: Yes, I am. Now, go on, try it.
D.J.: Well... I'm pretty good at school. I have a lot of friends. I have a purple belt in karate. I'm nice to animals. I have great hair.
Becky: [laughs] You see? ... You know what? Those are just a few of the wonderful things about you. Deej, that boy [Michael] blew it. You are the best.
D.J.: Thanks, Becky [hugs her].
Becky: You're welcome.
D.J.: Do you think I'll ever have another boyfriend?
Becky: Oh, you'll have lots of boyfriends. And some will break your heart and if I'm not mistaken, you'll probably break a few hearts yourself. It'll be great. And then someday, when you least expect it, you'll meet that one special guy, and before you know it, you'll be paying $1700 to go out on a date with him.
[Joey and Michelle walk into the kitchen, not knowing Becky and Jesse are kissing.]
Michelle: Have mercy! [They then leave and allow Becky and Jesse to return to their kiss.]
Goof: When Nick goes into Michelle's room to check on Michelle and Stephanie, he closes the door. But as he leaves, the door is open.
Outtakes from the episode on the blooper reel:
- When D.J. starts to remove the friendship bracelet, Candace forgets to pull the string to untie it first
- When Stephanie asks D.J. why Michael left so soon, Candace almost starts laughing
- When Stephanie goes over to sleep in Michelle's room...
- Take 1: The door is stuck and Jodie Sweetin is unable to open it
- Take 2: She tries again, and says, "Michelle, open the door!" while repeatedly banging on it (all while trying to hold her bedding and Mr. Bear with one arm)
- Take 3: She does the same thing again, but then says to the director, "I'm losing it!"