|Beach Boy Bingo|
|Season 2, episode 6|
|Air date||November 18, 1988|
|Writer(s)|| Marc Warren|
|Next||Joey Gets Tough|
The episode opens up with the girls heading downstairs for breakfast first. As she pours cereal into everyone's bowls, Stephanie is just anxious to find the usual cereal box surprise, in this case, a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur. However, before she pours any cereal into her own bowl, she puts her whole arm inside the box to find it, and D.J. calls her out for it. The guys then come down (or up, in Joey's case) for their cereal, and they too call her out for it. But when Danny eats, he bites on the toy and spits it out.
After Danny misses his chance to have the The Beach Boys on Wake Up, San Francisco that morning (as their plane is unable to land because of fog), D.J. ends up winning two free tickets to an upcoming concert in a radio contest, but then has to make a decision consisting of who she brings with her. She wishes she could take her family with her, but, according to contest rules, she is allowed to bring only one guest.
Naturally, Danny assumes that he will be D.J.'s choice since he also likes the Beach Boys. He also asks that nobody influence her choice. But, much to his dismay, she selects Jesse instead. Danny becomes jealous, leading to him and Jesse argueing about who is (or should be) jealous of who, and Danny thanks Jesse for telling him how lucky he is to have three girls, and when Jesse asks if the next thing he will do is hug him, that is what happens (much to the applause of the studio audience).D.J., sensing that her father was hurt by her choosing Jessie, changes her mind later and tells Danny to go with Jesse (although Jesse tells her to go with her father). D.J. insists she is not going since she feels it is not worth hurting someone else if they feel hurt or disappointed. In addition, she also says that her original plan was to go ice-skating with Kimmy. Stephanie arrives, she volunteers to go with Joey, and Joey then asks what they'll wear. Danny insists that D.J. is going to the concert, and that if D.J. doesn't go, then no one goes, which becomes an argument that involves the entire family, until D.J.'s phone rings. Stephanie picks it up, and is surprised to hear who it is on the other end! She quiets them down, and when she reveals who it is on the other end, that has everyone rushing downstairs (see Quotes).
In the end, however, everybody is satisfied, thanks to some surprise visitors at the Tanner house, none other than the Beach Boys themselves (whose appearance triggers the audience to erupt with applause and cheers). After a pizza feast at the house, they allow the whole family to not only be at the concert but to sing (and dance) with the group on stage for the last song, which ends with them all bowing (as the EP credits are shown).
The opening teaser:
- [In Michelle's bedroom; both in the rocking chair...]
- Stephanie: [as she finishes reading the book] 'And Cinderella and the handsome prince lived happily ever after.' Wasn't that a nice story?
- Michelle: [yawning] Again.
- Stephanie: Again? [sighs] Okay. [pretends to read] Once upon a time, Cinderella lost a shoe, found a shoe and lived happily ever after.
- Michelle: Bad story. Again.
- Stephanie: Pretty smart for somebody who drools. [starts reading from the beginning] 'Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a girl named Ella who was both kind and very beautiful...'
In the kitchen, at breakfast time.
- Jesse: Morning, girls.
- D.J.: Morning.
- Joey: Morning, girls [about to pour milk into his bowl, when...].
- Stephanie: Hold it [searching in Joey's bowl of cereal].
- Joey: Steph... What are you doing?
- Stephanie: Looking for a dinosaur.
- Joey: Check the Flintstone vitamins. Danny, thanks again for inviting me and Jess to meet The Beach Boys.
- Danny: Are you kidding? Joey, remember the first time we ever heard The Beach Boys?
- Joey: We tried to become surfers.
- Danny: What a disaster.
- Joey: Who knew ironing boards didn't float?
- Jesse: I remember the first time I heard "Good Vibrations." I was in the first grade. I turned to my date and said, 'Have mercy.'
- Danny: [coughs up something and pulls it out of his mouth] What the heck is this?
- Stephanie: That can't be my giant glow-in-the-dark dinosaur. It looks more like a dino-shrimp.
In the Wake Up, San Francisco studio...
- Staff: 30 seconds, Danny.
- Danny: Guys, hang in there. The Beach Boys will be on in the next segment.
- Jesse: All right.
- Joey: Go get them. ... Jess, I have a crazy idea.
- Jesse: No.
- Joey: You know our jingle for Beach Butter suntan lotion we've been trying to sell?
- Jesse: Sure.
- Jesse & Joey: [singing] 'Beach Butter, butter your bod.'
- Jesse: Yeah, I know the one.
- Joey: Yeah. Well, suntan lotion, The Beach Boys, our Beach Butter jingle... Getting any connection here?
- Jesse: Joseph, these guys are legends, man. We can't ask The Beach Boys to sing a measly jingle.
- Joey: It wouldn't hurt to ask.
- Jesse: Wrong. You ask, and I'll hurt you.
In the kitchen...
- Kimmy: [quietly coming through the back door and behind Danny] Hi, Mr. Tanner. [He jumps.] Ironing your tie again? Is D.J. home?
- Danny: She's doing her homework. But I'm sure you'll put an end to that.
- Kimmy: Tough break about The Beach Boys not showing up. I guess they had something better to do.
- Danny: Ever hear of fog, Gibbler?
- Jesse: [coming in through the back door with Joey] Danny, where's the radio at?
- Joey: Quick. Turn it on. They're playing our jingle at 3:45.
- Jesse: Here we go. Here we go.
- Radio: 'From a waffle to a falafel, you can get it all at Beano's.'
- Joey: Here it comes.
- Radio: 'Eat at Beano's.'
- Jesse: That's it? I can't believe it! They chopped our jingle to shreds! It's supposed to go:
- Jesse & Joey: [singing] 'Eat at Beano's today.'
- Danny: Those butchers!
In D.J. & Stephanie's bedroom, both sisters and Kimmy are gathered around the boombox...
- Stephanie: D.J., you're on the radio!
- D.J.: I know, I know. Be quiet.
- Radio: Pardon me?
- D.J.: Not you.
- Radio: Okay, D.J. Tanner, for that dream night with The Beach Boys, can you name this hit song?
- Guys: [downstairs] "Help Me, Rhonda."
- D.J.: The name of the song is... [to Kimmy] Help me, Gibbler.
- Guys: 'Help me, Gibbler'?!
- Radio: Could you repeat that answer please?
- D.J.: What did I just say?
- Kimmy: You said, 'Help me, Gibbler.'
- D.J.: I think what I said was "Help me..."
- Guys: [now, outside the bedroom] Rhonda!
- D.J.: Rhonda?
- Radio: That's right! "Help Me, Rhonda"!
In the morning, everyone tries to influence D.J.'s guest choice.
- Danny: Cheeseburgers for breakfast?
- Joey: Hey, I can scramble yours if you like. [He hands the plate to Danny, who puts it on the table.]
- Jesse: Look, I know what he's up to. He's making D.J.'s favorite food to butter her up so she'll take him to The Beach Boys concert. Joseph, you're a disgrace.
- D.J.: [coming downstairs with her tape player and headphones] Uncle Jesse, thanks for making a tape of my favorite songs.
- Joey: One disgrace burger [for Jesse, coming right up].
- Jesse: Hey, I had an extra tape. And five hours to kill.
- D.J.: Cheeseburgers for breakfast? Nice touch, Joey. Any fries? [And he shows them off, homemade.]
- [And guess who comes through the back door...]
- Kimmy: I bet I know who wants a plate of my mom's double fudge brownies.
- Stephanie: I do! I do!
- Kimmy: Dream on, squirt. These are for D.J., from her best friend Kimmy, with love. [She puts her arm around her best friend.]
- Stephanie: If you think she's gonna pick you over her own sister, then you haven't seen how I made her bed this morning.
- Danny: Guys, enough of this. D.J. is not gonna make her choice based on bribes or special treatment. That's not how I raised my daughter, my first-born. Now, tell everybody who you're picking.
- Jesse: Yeah, here we go.
- D.J.: Okay, here it goes. I pick... Boy, I hate to see this end. I wish I could take all of you. But since I can't, I pick... Uncle Jesse.
- Jesse: Oh, yeah! Have mercy! Thank you.
In Michelle's bedroom, Michelle shows her dad her painting skills.
- Danny: Ah, Michelle, that's so abstract, so surreal.
- Michelle: Pretty.
- Danny: Pretty. Yes, that too. But, honey, the secret to great art is to keep all the paint on the paper.
- D.J.: [entering with a gold-colored jacket and black skirt on the hanger] Dad, is this a good outfit for tonight?
- Danny: Oh, yeah, that's beautiful, honey. You're gonna have a great time.
- D.J.: I can't wait.
- Danny: D.J., hold on. Just out of curiosity... how come you picked Uncle Jesse to go with you tonight?
- D.J.: Because he loves The Beach Boys and he's a musician.
- Danny: Well, that makes sense. [...]
- [He's so preoccupied with his chat with D.J., he doesn't know what Michelle's done.]
- Michelle: Pretty.
- Danny: [sees the paint on the chest of drawers] Oh, Michelle. Honey, on the paper. On the paper. [He sprays some cleaner on the chest and uses a sponge to clean it off, but...]
- Michelle: [...she brushes on his pants!] Daddy pretty.
- Danny: [sprays and rubs off the stain] Oh, no, Michelle. Can you say 'dry cleaner'? Say, 'dry cleaner.'
Danny enters Jesse's room with Michelle's painting.
- Danny: Jesse, look at this. An original Michelle Tanner. One day this will be hanging in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. On their refrigerator.
- D.J.: [entering] Oh, great. You're both here. I forgot I promised Kimmy we'd go ice-skating. So, Dad, I want you to go with Uncle Jesse to The Beach Boys tonight. Have a great time. [She leaves.]
- Jesse: D.J. [to Danny] What was that all about?
- Danny: Oh, maybe she thinks she hurt my feelings when she picked you to go, instead of her own father.
- Jesse: Did she hurt your feelings?
- Danny: Well, maybe a little. I just thought she'd wanna go with her dad. But, I guess I can't compete with Uncle Rock 'n' Roll.
- Jesse: What are you saying here? You're saying that you're jealous of me? If there's anybody who should be jealous, it should be me jealous of you.
- Danny: That makes no sense.
- Jesse: Danny, you have something going with these girls that I will never have. I mean, like Stephanie. When she made her first ceramic handprint who did she give it to? Dad. And what was Michelle's very first word?
- Danny: 'Cookie'.
- Jesse: After 'cookie'. She looked up to you and she said, "Dada." And D.J., when she gets married, who's gonna march her down the aisle?
- Danny: Dad.
- Jesse: That's right, Dad. See, there's three good reasons why I envy you. I just hope one day I'm lucky enough to have kids that love me as much as those girls love you.
- Danny: They do worship me, don't they? Jesse, thanks for reminding me how lucky I am.
In the girls' room, the whole family argues about the concert plans.
- D.J.: This concert was supposed to be fun. Now everybody’s either hurt or disappointed. It’s just not worth it. I’m not going. [...]
- [Her phone rings.]
- Stephanie: Hello? [to the arguing family] Excuse me! I'm on the phone. [back to the phone call] No. ... No. ... No. ... No. Bye.
- Jesse: Who was it?
- Stephanie: Some Beach Boy. He called from a limo right in our driveway. I told him no one was going.
- D.J.: Wait!
- [Everyone starts to run downstairs – sans Stephanie.]
- Jesse: Hold it!
- D.J.: Wait!
- Stephanie: Did I miss something?
- Danny: Catch them.
- Jesse: Hold it!
- Joey: Wait, wait, wait.
- Jesse: Wait! [He opens the door (shown in infobox photo).]
- Beach Boys: Okay!
- The concert, although set in San Francisco, was actually filmed at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum after the USC Trojans football game against the University of California Golden Bears.
- Songs sung (all Beach Boys songs):