|Cutting It Close|
|Season 2, episode 1|
|Air date||October 14, 1988|
|Previous||D.J. Tanner's Day Off|
|Next||Tanner vs. Gibbler|
Jesse is in his room playing his guitar when Stephanie comes in and shuts off his amp (see Quotes). She is playing a pretend game of "hairdresser" as Mr. Stephanie and has come to collect her next "client" (Jesse). Jesse does not want to play but gives in to his niece and the two go to her "salon" (actually her bedroom) where Joey is seated after his appointment. Jesse sees the scissors and panics and agrees to keep playing after reminding her to be careful with them. As Stephanie "cuts" Jesse's hair, Joey asks Jesse if he can babysit that evening so he can try out his new Roger Rabbit impression at a comedy club, even begging in the character's voice. "Mr. Stephanie" is enjoying the impression and is sidetracked when she accidentally cuts off a chunk of Jesse's hair (eliciting an "Oh!" from the audience). It forces him to go to his hairdresser, Alejandro.
Heading back home on his motorcycle, Jesse was so upset about having to get a (real) haircut, he wrecks his bike and breaks his arms (see Quotes). He comes home wearing casts, much to the shock of the family (and the audience), and Stephanie frowns. Despite his pleas, they want to see his new haircut, so they remove his helmet to reveal it. While D.J. hugs him, Stephanie also tries to hug him but grabs his arm, which causes him to yell in pain. He then goes into the kitchen to fix himself something to eat. As he heads into the kitchen by using his whole body to open the door, Michelle's crying is heard, leading the guys to question whether that was a wet cry or a hungry cry. Danny says it was a hungry cry, leading Joey to help him.
Jesse gets creative with making a bowl of cereal and trying to eat it (see Quotes). Those broken arms disable his ability to move them and thus cause him to have trouble doing things such as dressing and undressing, getting in and out of bed, brushing his teeth, shaving, stamping envelopes, playing his music, and even making himself breakfast, lunch, and even dinner. Stephanie feels responsible for Jesse's accident, and it takes the combined efforts of her dad Danny, her older sister D.J., and the rest of the Tanner household, to persuade her otherwise.
When Danny catches Jesse kicking his trashed motorcycle from the wreck, he brings Stephanie out to help him feel better. As usual, she refuses because she says he hates her (as the audience groans). He explains to "Stephanie Judith Tanner" that he doesn't hate her (as the inspirational music plays), and that everyone learns from their mistakes... eventually (see Quotes). He says (as the music stops) that if he can't write any music in his current shape, she can help him by writing lyrics, and she accepts. And with that, he hugs her, and does not feel any pain at all! That means she can spend more time with him.
In Michelle's room, Jesse asks her what he thinks of his new hairdo (see Quotes). He realizes that the new hairdo means a new chapter in his life, and promises to be more open to change from here on out and become more mature. He jokingly asks Joey, who served him four glasses of iced tea earlier, to serve him another glass (as Jeff Franklin's EP credit appears). Joey grants him his wish, and (as Thomas L. Miller and Robert L. Boyett's credits appear) Michelle gives a goodbye wave to Jesse as he and Joey head downstairs (as the audience applauds).
John Stamos had his hair cut during the hiatus before the production of season two. So he actually wore a wig during the first part of the episode.
[Opening teaser: in the living room, Joey holds Michelle, hoping she now understands what to do at the "We all fall down" line of "Ring Around the Rosie".]
Joey: Trust me, Michelle, you are ready. Okay, come on down here, guys! Everybody come on out to the living room! Hurry up! We gotta do this right now! Hurry up!
[Danny and Jesse come downstairs, while D.J. and Stephanie emerge from the kitchen (the latter from the laundry room side).]
Danny: What is it?
Joey: We're gonna do this right now!
Danny: OK, what?
Joey: Michelle is ready for another try. [They all groan at this and start to walk away, and D.J does the "Forget it" hand motion for good measure.] Freeze! [They do.]
Stephanie: She's gonna do it to us again.
Joey: No, she won't. I've been working with her all day. Believe me, the kid is psyched.
Jesse: OK, let's give the little ankle-biter one more try. Come on everybody, hold hands.
[They do, and get in the usual circle formation, per the game's rules.]
Joey: Here we go. Come on, Michelle!
All: [singing] 'Ring around the Rosie/A pocket full of posies/Ashes, ashes/We all fall down!' [They all sit down on the floor... except Michelle, who just sticks her tongue out.]
Stephanie: She did it again.
D.J.: The kid's got a real mean streak.
[Jesse is busy playing his guitar when Stephanie comes in and shuts off his amp, and he's not happy about it.]
Jesse: First rule of rock 'n' roll: Never cut a guy's power off when he's duckwalkin'.
[Stephanie is "cutting" Jesse's hair, when suddenly...]
Jesse: What 'oops'? What does 'oops' mean?
Danny: [enters...] Hey, breakfast is ready. We're having pan...[and sees Jesse's hair] cuts.
D.J.: [to Stephanie] I can't believe you did that.
Jesse: What did you do?
Stephanie: Well... [He sees that she's hiding something under her smock, pulls her hand out, and sees that she's holding a clump of his hair (see infobox photo).] [pleading] Have mercy. [He dashes to the bathroom.]
D.J.: I can't believe you did that. [They all follow along.]
[In the bathroom...]
Jesse: She cut my hair. [holding two mirrors, one in front and one in back] I've been butchered.
Danny: Jesse, take it easy. It'll grow back. It's just hair.
Jesse: No. Your hair is just hair. My hair...[looks over at Stephanie] is in her hand.
D.J.: [to Stephanie] I can't believe you did that.
Jesse: Here, give me my hair back [snatches it from Stephanie's hand]. Maybe Alejandro can sew it back on [starts to leave].
Danny: Jesse. [He returns.] Would you like me to pack it in some ice? [He and Joey laugh.]
Joey: Maybe we can get Erik Estrada to be a hair donor. [They laugh again, and Jesse glares at them.]
Stephanie: I'm sorry, Uncle Jesse.
Jesse: So am I [and goes to his room].
D.J.: [for the 4th time, to her sister] I can't believe you did that.
Stephanie: I can't believe you're still saying that [hurries to her room].
D.J.: [looks at Joey's hair in curlers] I believe she did that [pointing].
[In D.J. and Stephanie's room, Stephanie is putting all her toys in her toy box.]
Danny: Steph, What are you doing?
Stephanie: Punishing myself. I'm sorry, toys, I don't deserve to play with you anymore [closes and sits on the toy box.] [...] Goodbye, fun.
Danny: Honey, you don't have to do this.
Stephanie: Yes, I do. I'm too dumb to have toys. And I don't deserve pillows [throws her pillows off], or blankets [throws off her covers], or sheets too [throws off her bed sheets].
Danny: Steph, You don't want to sleep on your mattress [sits on her bed, next to her]. You'll wake up with those little button marks all over your back. [He laughs, but she just glares at him.] Look, you know, Uncle Jesse knows that you didn't do it on purpose. So, honey, there's no reason for you to feel bad. Come on [kisses Stephanie's forehead]. Let's go have breakfast [gets up].
Stephanie: I can't leave the room, I grounded myself until I'm 82.
[The doorbell rings, D.J. answers it, and nurse Rhonda brings Jesse into the house.]
Rhonda: [to D.J.] Hi. Come on in, Jesse.
D.J.: Uncle Jesse, what happened?
Danny: Jesse, what happened?
Joey: Tell us what's going on.
Jesse: I'll tell you exactly what happened. Thanks to Mr. Stephanie's pretend haircut, I was forced to get a real one. Which I hate. After that, I hopped on my Harley and raced out of the parking lot. I guess I was so upset, I failed to see that little tiny sign that says: "Severe tire damage." I wrecked my bike. Next thing I know, concrete sleeves. [...] Thanks for helping me, Rhonda [see Trivia].
Rhonda: My pleasure. Here's my number [writes it on his cast]. If you need a sponge bath, give me a call.
Joey: [to Rhonda] And if you need a sponge bath... [She gives him a look.] Well, you look like a shower person [She leaves.].
Danny: Oh, Jess, does it hurt much?
Jesse: Only when I think about the next six weeks. What am I gonna do with two broken arms?
Joey: Well, I think you can scratch bowling off the list.
D.J.: I think you can scratch scratching off the list.
Stephanie: I'm sorry, Uncle Jesse. It's all my fault.
Danny: Oh, Steph, it's not all your fault. Jesse, tell her it's not all her fault.
Jesse: It's not all your fault.
[Jesse heads for the kitchen.]
Danny: I'll get the door.
Jesse: I got it. Takes more than a couple of broken bones to slow down Big J.
D.J.: Come on, Steph, let's go help Uncle Jesse.
Stephanie: Help him? I can't even hug him. [And she heads upstairs.]
D.J.: Steph! [She heads into the kitchen, where Jesse tries to get the cereal box off of the fridge. But with his arms in casts, he can't reach it.] Uncle Jesse, I'll help you.
Jesse: D.J., I'm perfectly capable of making a simple bowl of cereal. [He walks over, grabs a broomstick, and knocks the box off the fridge. Then he uses a meat fork to stab the box.]
D.J.: It's dead. I think you can eat it now. [He takes the box, using the fork as a handle, to the table. Danny comes downstairs, carrying Michelle.] He's fine. He's 'perfectly capable of making a simple bowl of cereal'.
[Jesse walks over to the cabinet to get a bowl... using his mouth.]
Danny: Let me give you a hand.
Jesse: Now, do I look like someone who needs a hand [as he manages to slide the bowl onto his head]?
Danny: You look good in that hat. [Jesse walks over and dumps the bowl on the table, and as he pours the whole box of cereal...] Jesse, don't make a mess. Let's get you into your highchair, Michelle. Thatta girl. Keep Uncle Jesse company. I'm gonna change for work. Here you go. You might need this [as he hands Jesse the carton of milk].
Jesse: Thank you.
Danny: Michelle, keep an eye on your Uncle Jesse for me.
Jesse: Okay, Michelle, watch your Uncle J in action here. We simply pour in the milk [the whole carton]. Perfect. Now, we add my favorite part: the bananas, or, as you would call them, "nanners." [He grabs the bananas.] And we simply shake [until all but one falls down]. This is too easy. Now, we slice and peel... We slice and peel, but how...? I got it. Observe this, Michelle. Observe this. [He puts his cereal bowl in the chair, gets a rolling pin, sticks the banana at the end of the table, and moves the rolling pin down on it until the edible portion comes out of the peel and into the bowl! Michelle giggles.] What are you laughing at? [He puts the bowl back on the table.] All right, now, grab a spoon... and I'm ready to enjoy a nice bowl of Oat Boats. [But when he tries to get the wooden spoon to his mouth, it just won't reach and he flings it onto the floor.] If you liked that, Michelle, you'll love this. [He puts his whole face into the bowl just as Danny comes downstairs all dressed for work.] What's the matter, you've never seen a grown man eat cereal before?
Danny: Not like a Great Dane. Jesse, face it. You got two broken arms. Let us help you.
Jesse: All right. If it'll make you feel better, help, help.
Danny: Michelle, I think your uncle needs this more than you do. [He transfers the bib to his brother-in-law and prepares to feed him.] Open up [which leads into a "Help!" montage].
[In D.J. & Stephanie's bedroom, D.J. is trying to help Jesse play his guitar by strumming it, as he sings "Dancing in the Street".]
Jesse: No, slower than that. Faster than that. Slower than that. D.J., [she stops] this is music.
D.J.: Stephanie, why don't you do this.
Stephanie: No way.
D.J.: All you do is mope around. Come on, everybody's helping out but you.
Stephanie: I can't help.
Jesse: Come on, girls. All right, just forget it. It's stupid. I can't even play my music. I can't take care of myself. This is so humiliating. Just forget it, girls, all right? [He walks out.]
D.J.: [angrily grabbing her sister by the hand as they follow their uncle downstairs] Come with me.
[In the kitchen, Danny is dust-busting the vacuum cleaner, when his brother-in-law walks downstairs.]
Jesse: Danny, open the backdoor!
Danny: Got it.
Jesse: Open the backdoor!
Danny: Got it.
Jesse: [once he's completely outside] Now, slam it. [Wish granted.] Thank you.
D.J.: [coming downstairs with her guilt-ridden sister] Dad, Stephanie won't help Uncle Jesse.
Danny: Steph, is that true?
Stephanie: I don't wanna break him. I don't ever wanna hurt Uncle Jesse again.
D.J.: Steph, you didn't do anything to hurt Uncle Jesse.
Stephanie: I only scalped him, wrecked his motorcycle, and broke his arms. No wonder he's so mad at me.
Danny: Deej, why don't you go take a break.
D.J.: Really? I'm off duty? Yes! Yes! Yes! Why am I still here?
Danny: Steph, I can see where you might think that you're a little bit jinxed.
Stephanie: Jinxed? Daddy, I'm the kiss of death.
[Jesse is in the backyard kicking his trashed bike.]
Danny: Am I interrupting something?
Jesse: I don’t wanna talk about it right now. I’d leave, but I can’t reach the gate hook.
Danny: Jesse, there is nothing you can do about your arms. But there is something you can do about Stephanie.
Jesse: What are you talking about?
Danny: Steph is scared to death to go near you. She’s afraid she’s gonna hurt you again.
Jesse: Well, tell the little rugrat she’s wacko.
Danny: [a little angry] I think you should tell the little rugrat she’s wacko. [Jesse looks at him, while Danny changes his tone to sound calmer] In maybe a little... nicer way?
Jesse: You’re right. [Danny brings her outside.] [...] Stephanie, you made one little mistake. Everybody makes mistakes. Look, I'm an expert bike rider, right? I've never had one problem. I miss one little sign... boom, I'm the mummy man. Same deal with you. How many pretend haircuts have you given?
Stephanie: Counting yours...[pretends to count with her fingers] millions!
Jesse: See, you're an expert too, but you made one little mistake. Stephanie, I promise, I'm gonna be as good as new. Okay? Now you get over here and you give me the world's biggest hug. Lay it on me, baby! [She lightly grips his fingers.] What? Do I have the cooties or somethin'? Come here. Sit on my lap. [...] Hey!
Stephanie: "Hey" what?
Jesse: You're hugging me, and I'm not even hurting.
Stephanie: You're right. The curse is broken!
Both: Have mercy!
[In Michelle's room...]
Jesse: [to Michelle] So, what do you think of my new haircut? Better than Garry Shandling's?
Jesse: All right, how about Don King's?
Jesse: Thanks, I feel a lot better. Michelle, I've had a lot of time to think. Because let's face it, there's not much else I can do. You know how I'm always saying that things happen for a reason? Well, maybe the reason all this is happening to me is because it's time to make some changes in my life. You know about changes, don't you, Michelle? [diaper changes] You realize that since I've been 16 years old, I've had the exact same haircut? I've ridden the same Harley; I've dressed the same; I've listened to the same music. Had the same boring job: killing bugs. You know, for a guy who likes to live his life on the edge, I've been living on the edge of a rut. No. You know something, Michelle? Starting right now, I'm gonna start shaking my life up a little bit. Oh, what? You think I'm afraid to change? I get it. You think I'm caught up in this whole rebel thing and I refuse to grow up. From now on, I'm gonna be a lot more open to change. I'm gonna start acting like a mature adult.
[In the living room...]
D.J.: [Danny's voice] You know I'm glad Uncle Jesse's okay.
Danny: [D.J.'s voice] Wha…? Why do you sound like me? Why do I sound like you?! I think we switched our voices!
D.J.: [Danny's voice] Oh no, this isn't happening!
Joey: [Stephanie's voice] What's going on? Hey, I sound like Stephanie! Something very strange is going on around here!
Stephanie: [Joey's voice] Tell me about it! One minute I accidentally cut Uncle Jesse's hair, the next minute he gets a haircut and broke his arms, and now we switched our voices! Uncle Jesse, come downstairs!
[Jesse comes downstairs, seeing why everyone switched each others voices, and laughs.]
Danny: [D.J.'s voice] Why are you laughing?
Jesse: Because your voices sound different.
- The episode title comes from the definition "to almost fail or lose"; in this case, Jesse was cutting it close and almost lost his life in the motorcycle wreck
- The first episode to use the new Lorimar Television logo, but the only time the logo is silent
- The last episode to use the season one intro – however, two images are changed: The guys trying to attract the ladies at the park is replaced by Danny and Michelle napping in a rocking chair in her room in the opening (this would normally be seen in the closing for this season and the next), and Stephanie riding in the banana seat of Danny's bike is replaced by the guys hanging out at the park from the season one closing credits
- The first episode in which Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (Michelle) are credited with the rest of the cast
- The last episode where Jesse has long hair
- The first episode to use the new electric guitar-backed theme song (which would be used until the end of the series)
- The first episode to open with a teaser
- The writer (Jeff Franklin) named Jesse's nurse, Rhonda, so that Jesse would say the line: "Thanks for helping me, Rhonda", which is a reference to the Beach Boys song "Help Me, Rhonda"
- In all the scenes where the family helps Jesse with his basic chores, the Beatles' 1965 song "Help!" plays throughout; it was the title song for both their film and its soundtrack album, and was a number-one hit for three weeks
- The second episode where Stephanie's full name is addressed; the first being "Sisterly Love"
- An outtake from this episode features the scene where Jesse and Joey are about to head downstairs for his 4th glass of iced tea, and as Jesse heads downstairs first, Joey notices a pair of tongs in the back of his pants
- Goof: When Danny takes the bib off Michelle and then puts it on Jesse, they pan to a shot of Michelle, and she still has the pink bib around her neck