|Season 7, episode 5|
|Air date||October 12, 1993|
|Next||Smash Club: The Next Generation|
In the living room, Michelle is getting Comet to roll over, but he just sits. So it's up to her to get Nicky and Alex to show Comet how it's done, and she rewards each of them with a cookie. Then Comet rolls over by himself, and gets his cookie. Then he rolls over along with Alex and Nicky, as Michelle remarks, "I'm gonna need some more cookies."
For two weeks, Stephanie has been in 6th grade at DiMaggio Junior High School. Her old friends all attend different schools now because of a redistricting plan, and she is desperate to make new friends. She finds an unexpected blessing in Mickey, a 7th grader who helps her adjust to the school. And then Mickey's cigarette-smoking pals, led by Gia Mahan, want Stephanie to smoke cigarettes with them, but she refuses to give in. That is why she is not sure that these girls are her kind of friends, and Gia can't understand why.
Later that day, just as she gets home from school and enters her and Michelle's room, Stephanie is annoyed when she finds out that Aaron and Michelle are playing a card game that has absolutely no rules whatsoever. When she makes a bad play, they call her out for cheating, which leads to an argument. Stephanie, shocked as she is, can only ask how she could cheat if there are no rules. Aaron mocks her and she mocks him right back. The argument escalates and Michelle tries to calm them down, but to no avail. Hearing the commotion outside, Danny enters the room to calm all three of them down. He, like Michelle before him, asks where Stephanie's new friends are, and of course, this has Stephanie at a loss for words (see Quotes).
And with that, she heads downstairs to the kitchen for some coloring book fun with the twins. She asks Nicky to stay inside the line, but he doesn't do much in the way of coloring. Paying no attention to them, she grabs a crayon and uses it as a pretend cigarette, taking a cue from Gia earlier (see Quotes). Just then, Becky comes home from a supermarket trip and has a talk with Stephanie about how miserable junior high can be. She talks about how miserable she felt with coming in second in the "Winter Princess" contest...and cried. Like with D.J. in the earlier seasons, she tells Stephanie if she has any issues, she can come to her. Just as she's about to put the groceries away, she spots the twins eating the animal crackers she just bought.
Meanwhile, Jesse and Joey are having a special segment of their radio show, Rush Hour Renegades, where they have brought in D.J., Steve Hale, and Kimmy Gibbler to talk to teenagers who call in to seek advice on anything from school to dating, from homework to peer pressure, etc. While the teens take the calls, Jesse and Joey argue about what the title of the segment should be. As it turns out, Stephanie is one of the callers, identifying herself as Olga, a foreign student.
Later that night, Danny realizes that it was Stephanie on the radio (even going into "Olga" mode himself). He tells her (as the inspirational music plays) that she must trust her instincts and go with her gut sometimes, and that Mickey and her friends smoke because they are either feeling or have felt the same pressure that Stephanie is currently feeling, and that Stephanie is not strong enough to stand up to Mickey and her friends to resist the pressure, and she remarks that she will just stay home and finish junior high "by mail", because she is afraid of what will happen tomorrow if and when she sees Mickey. He even tells her that, growing up, even he was tempted to try smoking. After the talk, he hugs and kisses her (as the music stops).
The next day, Mickey and her friends find Stephanie in the restroom and try to get her to try smoking again, but she refuses, and Mickey's own friends call her out for wanting to be friends with a "scrub". And when Gia finds out about Stephanie being in the restroom alone, Stephanie asks when Gia is going to try that herself, which elicits an "OOH!" from Gia (as well as the studio audience, in addition to the laughter). She remarks, "Sixth graders are a waste of skin", and Stephanie reaches into her "comeback bag" and says, "You should know. You were there for three years" (resulting in another "OOH!" from the audience, in addition to more laughter) to which Gia remarks that she was only in 6th grade for two years. After Mickey's friends leave, she herself decides to quit, like Stephanie (and as they leave, the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[Stephanie tries on Mickey's lipliner, which at first she thinks is eyeliner, as Mickey's friends enter the restroom.]
Mickey: [As Stephanie starts to leave] Oh, hang out with us. [turns to the others] Uh, guys, this is Stephanie. Stephanie, this is (from left to right) Kelly, Gia, and Lisa. The 'guys'.
Stephanie: That's funny. You don't look like 'guys'. [laughs hard] [...] [Gia hands her a cigarette (right) and Kelly sticks out a lighter.] Uh, I'd better not. [...] I'm trying to quit. You should've seen my last chest x-ray.
Gia: Sixth graders are terminally pathetic.
Stephanie: [the class bell rings] Uh-oh, there's the bell! We better get going.
The "guys": [mocking her] Uh-oh, the bell! Uh-oh, the bell! [...] [as she leaves...] Where'd you find that dweeb?
Michelle: [To Aaron about Stephanie as they leave the kitchen] Yesterday, nobody would even talk to her.
[During their card game, Stephanie has no idea that her sister/roommate has made it all up.]
Michelle: Hold your breath, and pick three cards.
Stephanie: Michelle, what are you talking about?
Michelle: You breathed! And now you have to sing 'Happy Birthday' to the King [of Hearts, that is].
Stephanie: Michelle, this isn't even a real card game. You're just making it up as you go along.
Aaron: So what? That's how we play.
Stephanie: Fine. I capture your Queen [taking Aaron's card].
Aaron: Hey! You can't do that.
Michelle: That's cheating.
Stephanie: How can I cheat?! There are no rules.
Aaron: [sing-song] Cheater, cheater, cheater.
Stephanie: [also in sing-song] This game is stupid, stupid, stupid.
[They argue over each other, and Michelle tries to calm them down.]
Michelle: Hey! Hey, hey, hey...! Hey! Stop it!
Danny: [entering and intervening] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [They finally stop.] Guys, the airports just called and complained about the noise.
Stephanie: [regarding her cousins, as she "smokes" her "cigarette" (white crayon)] Preschoolers are terminally pathetic.
[In the radio studio:]
Steve: I can't believe I'm finally gonna be on the radio. [to D.J.] Is my voice too high? 'Cause I can do like a Darth Vader thing. Ready? [trying his imitation] 'Luke, I am your father.' [He adds the breathing vocals.]
[The first call on the teen call-in radio show is from...]
Randy: I've been paying a buddy of mine to do my homework since first grade and now he's moving away. What should I do? [...]
D.J.: Well, your best bet is to do your own homework. I let this friend of mine copy my homework for years and she became intellectually deficient.
Kimmy: What does that mean?
Randy: I'm gonna call Howard Stern and see what he says.
[The second call comes from "Olga".]
Olga/Stephanie: [Russian-like accent] Hello? I am junior high student, new to America. My new friends want for me to smoke what you call, uh, cigarettes?
Joey: Well, Olga, did you try it?
Stephanie: Um... almost, but no.
Jesse: Well, Olga... 'almost, but no' in America is, 'thumbs-upski.'
Stephanie: 'Thumbs-upski' for you, maybe, Mr. Radio Man, but, I want this girl to like me.
D.J.: Well, I think that if you have to smoke in order to be her friend, she's not a real friend.
Kimmy: That's right. True friends like you for who you are and how much money you have.
Steve: [moves the microphone to his mouth] Uh, you know, Olga, from a guy's point of view, kissing a girl who smokes is like kissing an ashtray.
D.J.: What ashtray have you been kissing lately?
Steve: Uh, well actually, my Aunt Ethel. You know, I love her and all, but she smokes so much that her Dalmatian is all black.
Joey: Olga, you sound like you have a really nice voice. You don't wanna smoke. You'll sound like Yosemite Sam with a cactus caught in your throat. [Yosemite Sam voice:] 'Oh, I hate that ra-ha-[coughs]-hab-habbit!'
Jesse: Olga, what 'cartoon-breath' is trying to say over here is that... smoking is not cool and that's that. So, listen, stick to your guns and, most importantly... enjoy our country. Next up... the Beach Boys [turns on the music and off the mic].
[After her appearance on the radio, Stephanie is pacing around in her room, when there's a knock from none other than...]
Danny: Hey, Steph. How's it going?
Stephanie: [still in her "Olga" voice] Is good. [switches to normal voice] I mean, uh, fine.
Danny: Olga. [in an accent (which sounds more German than Russian)] So it was you on the radio, huh?
Stephanie: You heard me?
Danny: Yeah. Steph, I'm glad I did. I knew something was bugging you, but I didn't know what it was.
Stephanie: Dad, I didn’t want to tell you about this whole cigarette thing ‘cause I was afraid you’d be mad at me.
Danny: Mad at you? [He walks over to the little table and sits down.] Steph, I am proud of you. I know how hard it is to go against the crowd.
Stephanie: [sits down at the table, too] Dad, did kids ever try to get you to smoke?
Danny: Well, yeah. But actually, you know, it never appealed to me. I always figured if I wanted to fill my lungs with smoke, I’d just stick my head in a barbecue pit, you know?
Stephanie: But, what am I gonna do about Mickey? I think I still want to be her friend.
Danny: [puts his hand on her shoulder] Well, you know... you gotta trust your instincts, honey. If you like Mickey, and you think she's a good person, then you should be her friend. But if you don't wanna be her friend, that's okay too, you know.
Stephanie: Why does she have to smoke?
Danny: Well, you know, it's possible she's feeling the same pressure you are. You're just not strong enough to stand up to her.
Stephanie: Maybe. But what do I do if I see her tomorrow? Do I tell her how I feel? Should I wait for her to talk to me? Maybe I'll just stay home and finish junior high by mail.
Danny: [hugs her] You know what? You just hang in there, 'cause, believe it or not, it gets easier.
[The next day, after talking to Danny, Stephanie's in the restroom, as the same girls enter.]
Gia: So... they're letting you go to the restroom all by yourself now?
Stephanie: Yeah... When are you gonna start?
Gia: Ooh! Little miss big mouth got me good. You wanna smoke? [smiles] Oh, that's right. You 'quit'.
Stephanie: Yeah, I guess I'm just a big fan of breathing.
Gia: [as Mickey laughs] What are you laughing at?
Mickey: It's funny. If something's funny, I laugh.
Stephanie: Yeah! If something's funny, she laughs!
Gia: Shut up! 6th graders are a waste of skin.
Stephanie: You should know. You were there for three years.
Gia: It was two. [in a childish tone] 'So, huh?' Come on, Mickey. Walk me to detention. [She, Kelly, and Lisa are off, but...]
Kelly: Mickey, are you coming with us or what?
Mickey: No, you guys go. I'm gonna hang out here.
Gia: You're gonna hang out with this scrub?
Stephanie: Hey, if she's gonna hang out with a scrub, she can! ... Not that there is one, but if there was...
Mickey: [stopping her] They get the point.
- This episode's plot is reminiscent of the previous episodes where D.J. experienced peer pressure:
- Steve says how this is the first time on the radio but he was accidentally on the radio in last season's "Room for One More" (6.22)
- In the early 2000s, ABC Family's airing of the episode edited out part of the scene where the teen girls are lighting and smoking cigarettes in the school restroom (compare that with the uncut video above)