|Grand Gift Auto|
|Season 6, episode 20|
|Air date||March 16, 1993|
|Previous||Subterranean Graduation Blues|
|Next||Room for One More|
Joey loves D.J. and her sisters like they were his own daughters. He has bought D.J. a red 1977 Pontiac Firebird for her 16th birthday, but the car is not in good condition. It looks perfect, but definitely needs work. So Jesse and Joey work on fixing the problems with it (see Quotes).
Meanwhile, Danny keeps D.J., Kimmy and Steve from knowing that the car is not yet ready to drive, and pre-occupies them with his "Beep-beep" guitar song (see Quotes), but it bores them to death. So he brings in Michelle, Nicky, Alex, and Becky to do "Pop! Goes the Weasel", but that bores the teens too.
Just as D.J. is about to drive her car for the first time, a motorcycle police officer, Officer Warren, shows up. She recognized the car from the street as being one that was reported stolen. It turns out that Joey had bought the car with cash, not knowing that it was stolen property. They all try their best to convince her that Joey was not at fault, but when just words are not enough, they take her to his bedroom to show how innocent-minded he is. The officer is convinced not to take Joey in but tells D.J. that the car does need to be impounded.
However, their methods of clearing his name do not sit well with him. Joey feels terrible that D.J. lost the birthday gift and begins to wonder if he is just a big joke to the family. He grabs his jacket to take a walk and make plans to move out, but the family suggests to have a talk with him, even going so far as Danny and Jesse carrying him away from the front door and setting him down on the couch. The girls each give examples (shown in flashbacks [see Trivia]) of how he had helped them in the past. Danny tells him that he is good for more than just a few laughs, and that there is a new generation of kids who want to see him for who he really is. Jesse concurs, wanting him to be there for his kids as well.
Joey tells them that he loves being part of a big family because he was raised as an only child, and he and his parents moved a lot because his father was in the military, causing him to lose a lot of friends during his childhood. He also mentions that he used to watch The Brady Bunch (as the inspirational music plays) and says that he had wished he could have been in that family, but by moving in with the Tanners, he got to be in a big family after all. Michelle asks if he is going to stay, and he replies that he is indeed going to stay, and they hug (to which the audience gives an "aw", then applauds, as the music stops). Then, after he tells one more joke (see Quotes), the family tackles him with hugs, kisses, and tickles (as the audience applauds, and the EP credits appear).
Special ending credits
During the episode, Joey reveals that The Brady Bunch was one of his favorite TV shows growing up. So to reflect that, the closing credits are done Brady Bunch style. In order, from top left: D.J., Michelle, Stephanie, Jesse and Alex, Danny, Becky and Nicky, Kimmy, Joey, and Steve. As the credits roll, they are shown waving to each other, and as soon as the credit roll is complete, they are shown waving goodbye to us.
[Joey shows off D.J.'s car to Jesse and Danny.]
Joey: Everything is perfect... except for this little speck on the windshield – which we'll take care of right now [turns on the wipers with the fluid, but what comes out is sludge (shown in the infobox photo)]. Well, that's better. The important thing is that this car runs great [then smoke comes out of the hood].
[While everyone is in awe of D.J.'s birthday present, her sisters are the most awe-struck.]
Michelle: Wow! This is even cooler than what Joey got me for my birthday.
Stephanie: Michelle, you got a Slinky.
Michelle: I said it was cooler.
Danny: Joey, when I agreed to let you buy D.J. a car, I told you I wanted to pick it out with you. I looked through all the consumer guides, I even called Ralph Nader.
[While he and Joey work on the gift car, Jesse asks Danny to stall D.J., Kimmy, and Steve. He does so by trying to lead them in a sing-along song. But the kids don't want to sing it.]
Danny: [singing repeatedly – while playing his guitar] 'Beep-beep. Beep-beep. The horn went beep-beep-beep.' Now just the boys! [...] Now just the girls! [...] Now everybody! A little louder this time. [...]
[Jesse is working on the car's engine from underneath.]
Jesse: Hand me the... hand me the socket wrench, will ya?
Joey: I'm on it! Socket wrench. [He searches all the tools.] Socket wrench. Socket wrench. Okay. [Then, Comet, who's sitting nearby, picks it up with his teeth and hands it to him whimpering and gets a petting in return.] Oh, socket wrench. Man's best friend! Look, the paperboy! [And Comet's on the chase, barking as he goes.] Yeah, Jess, I found the socket wrench. One socket wrench coming at ya! [He drops it through a gap in the engine.]
Jesse: Ow! [rolls out] Next tool you drop on my head will be permanently inserted up your nose.
[As Danny continues another round of the 'Beep-beep' song...]
Kimmy: Somebody shoot me.
Steve: Look, Mr. Tanner, we're all pretty 'beeped-out'.
Joey: D.J.'s birthday present is being towed away, and I'm the big family joke. All this time, I thought you guys were laughing with me. Now you guys are laughing at me. Thanks. I appreciate it [takes his jacket, leaves his room, and heads downstairs].
Jesse: [steps out of the room] Joey! [the family follows him as he follows...] Joey, where you going?
Joey: I don't know. I need to go for a walk. Maybe go down and get a goofy-Joey Slurpee, and uh, maybe look for an apartment.
Michelle: Okay, but you heard the officer: 'Don't leave town.'
Becky: Joey, I know you're upset, but really, I think you're taking this the wrong way. We need to talk.
Joey: Yeah, well, I've heard enough [attempts to leave].
Jesse: She's right. Come on, let's talk [as he and Danny carry their friend away from the door].
Danny: Come with us, friend.
Joey: Come on, guys. This is ridiculous!
Danny: No, it's not. [They set him down on the couch.]
Joey: I love you guys. [Everyone else responds that they love him too.] There's just one other thing though... Can we get a maid named Alice?
Jesse: To which I say, let us get him! [And he repeatedly whacks Joey with a cushion, as they all tackle him with love.]
- The episode title is a take on "grand theft auto", the name for the criminal act of stealing a car (It is also the title of a 1977 film)
- This episode is not shown on Nick at Nite
- The following episodes are shown in the flashbacks: