|Season 7, episode 7|
|Air date||October 26, 1993|
|Previous||Smash Club: The Next Generation|
|Next||Another Opening, Another No Show|
Michelle comes downstairs to the kitchen with some exciting news for Danny. She smiles and lets him guess. Despite his guesses, it is not that she combed her hair differently, nor did she take off a few pounds. In fact, using her tongue, she tells him that she has lost two teeth, which she shows him in her hand. He says that they are two fewer teeth that she needs to brush, and she suggests he had "better call the tooth fairy and tell her to bring twice as much money", to which he can only hug and kiss her.
Michelle is doing her homework when she sees D.J. and Stephanie return from a trip to the mall. With Stephanie revealing what she got and D.J. not revealing what she got, Michelle longs to emulate them and go shopping for her own clothes, but that is hard to do when they and Danny still treat her like a little kid. And it seems the "little kid" treatment isn't stopping... at least not yet (see Quotes).
The next day, as everyone comes downstairs for a quick bacony breakfast served up by Joey, Jesse is overwhelmed by the fact that he has so many decisions to make about needs for The Smash Club. This gets to the point where he is struggling to make even the most minuscule decisions about the club.
Everyone, including Steve and Kimmy, agrees that colors need to show emotion. D.J. points out that Steve is learning about decision-making in his philosophy class in college, but he points out that he saw it tattooed on the car wash guy's back. He adds that a coffee shop closed down in a week because of the colors, which D.J. agrees with (see Quotes). After Kimmy adds in her two cents, she and Stephanie fight over whose combos really hurt. Jesse and Joey also joke about combos, but Jesse's first color choice sets off some eyebrows (see Quotes).
As the girls head off to school, Danny then gives a valid reason as to why Michelle can't buy her own lunch at school like her sisters, and at her age, the odds of that happening are pretty high (see Quotes). He then puts the hat on her head, and then on her way to school, she sees Comet and puts the hat on his head, and soon it's her turn to say Danny's quote. She heads off, while also leaving behind her lunch box.
Back inside, Jesse is going through color sample books to see more combos that will fit, as Nicky and Alex watch. As they wait impatiently for him to put those down and read them a story, he reminds them that they are indeed sample books, not story books. And so he makes up a fairy tale (see Quotes). The phone rings, and with the "story" over, the call is from a bathroom fixtures company. After that, Becky comes into the living room, and understands what is troubling him (see Quotes). Suddenly, Alex starts jumping up and down, so she asks her hubby to take a break and take Alex to the bathroom.
As Michelle grows more and more frustrated with Danny's overbearing nature, it gets to a point where she finally snaps, and angrily tells him to stop treating her like a baby. It is clear that both father and daughter have some changes to make.
Over in the kitchen, Vicky talks to Danny about the situation, and maybe she thinks Danny does indeed feel the need to let go. As Stephanie and Michelle come home from school, the proof of Danny needing to let go lies in Michelle coming home from school and angrily handing her "father" her lunch box before heading upstairs. Stephanie also agrees (see Quotes).
Then Jesse comes in, and even after removing his shades, he himself is a total mess emotionally. He then shows off some more possibilities, starting with cups (see Quotes).
D.J. then says that some more samples came in, and Danny says that he has to stop, because the house is starting to look like a showroom; as a result, the living room is soon crowded with some unconventional new "furniture"; which are, in fact, toilets of every design and color possible (see Quotes). When Joey comes in, he can't believe what he sees, and he feels the same way as his friend. Becky comes in and asks him one simple question: What was the easiest decision that he has ever made in his life? To marry him, of course. Becky then asks him to try to pick the toilet that fits that decision of his. Alex then comes out and announces that he is ready to use the potty all by himself, and that impresses his parents.
That night, at bedtime, Danny tells Michelle that he understands why she was upset. He realizes that he has a hard time letting go. He promises to start treating her like a "big girl". He intends to let her shop for her own clothes, take lunch money to school, and even get a (temporary) tattoo. He also says that he is going to try remember to not embarrass her by kissing her.
The next day at school, as Michelle, Derek, and Denise play Frisbee at recess, Derek manages to toss it so high it lands on a backstop. Denise volunteers to get it down for him, and so does Michelle later on. In both cases, Danny is able to coax each of them down. However, in Michelle's case, as soon as she is up there and she manages to get the Frisbee down, she gets scared (see Trivia). So, like the same way with Denise, he does treat her like a big girl and reminds her to come down the exact way she went up – but going really slowly (see Quotes). As soon as she is back on her feet, father and daughter share one last "big girl" moment, and he reminds her that being a "big girl" means knowing what is dangerous and what is not. They decide to help each other and end the moment with a kiss and hug, which was her decision and something he can live with, after which the classmates depart for real. With a happy ending, both decide to go ahead and go home.
[Michelle is doing her homework when her sisters return from a mall trip.]
Stephanie: [showing Michelle] I got a T-shirt and a belt, and... a cat toy.
Michelle: But we don't have a cat.
Stephanie: I know. But the sales guy at Stuff for Cats was so cute. I wonder how this thing works. [She sticks the dangling thing in front of D.J., who bats it away with her hands.] Oh, I get it!
Michelle: I wish I could go shopping.
D.J.: Michelle, you went shopping last Sunday with Dad.
Michelle: That's not 'shopping'. That's Dad telling you what to try on.
D.J.: Well, that's how it works. Dad picked out all our clothes when we were little kids. [to Stephanie] Remember how he'd hold up the outfit and say... [in unison with Stephanie] 'Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?'
Michelle: I'm not a little kid anymore.
D.J.: Do you wear makeup?
Stephanie: Do you like boys?
D.J.: Do you still talk to your stuffed animals?
Michelle: If I'm not mad at them.
[Her sisters look at each other and determine she's still a "little kid".]
Danny: [enters the room, bringing in a shopping bag] [to the older girls] Hey, guys. Hey, Michelle [kisses her on top of her head], I got a surprise for you. I picked it up on the way home from work [pulls out a green hat with a pink flower on it]. I think you're going to like it. [as he puts it on her head] Let's see how it looks on you. [She does not look happy.] [to the older girls] Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen? [Michelle looks at her sisters, and all they can do is shrug, as to say "See?"]
[In the morning, Jesse comes downstairs holding a palette of paint color samples.]
Jesse: I can't believe these paint samples! Look at this: blueberries 'n' cream, iced apricot, mocha frost... I don't know whether to put on two coats or two scoops.
Stephanie: What are you painting, Uncle Jesse?
Jesse: The Smash Club. I'm doing a whole new renovation. It's so cool. It's my club; I can decide the look, I can decide the feel, I can decide the mood.
D.J.: So, what are you gonna do?
Jesse: I don't know. I can't decide.
Steve: Well, the decision to decide is a decision in itself.
Jesse: That's heavy, Steve.
Steve: Remember that coffee shop down on Polk Street? It closed down in a week.
D.J.: Yeah, Cafe Black. That place was so depressing.
Kimmy: [to Jesse] It's true, hair boy. The wrong color combinations can make people physically ill. [to Stephanie] In fact, blondie, your outfit's making my eyes water.
Stephanie: Me? Your getup should come with an airsick bag.
Jesse: Alright, chill out, gang. I've made my first selection, and I'm going with... teal.
Joey: Teal? Ow.
Jesse: 'Ow'? What 'Ow'? I like teal.
Joey: You probably don't care that teal was the color of 'Custer's last shirt' (see Trivia). [He walks out of the kitchen.]
Jesse: Hey Joey, what do you know about sharp truths? What color was the Titanic?
[All the older kids leave for school...]
Danny: OK, Michelle, sweetheart, here's your lunch.
Michelle: Why can't I buy my lunch like Stephanie and D.J.?
Danny: Sweetheart, I don't wanna worry about you losing your lunch money. Besides, who else makes a happy face out of grape jelly on your peanut butter sandwich, huh? Of course, once I close it, you can't see it anymore. But we both know it's there. Right, honey?
[A car horn honks.]
Michelle: That's my ride.
Danny Oh, OK. [He puts the green hat on her head.] Here you go. You have a good day, OK sweetheart? [She just glares back at him.] Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?
Michelle: Bye, Daddy. [She heads out the door and sees Comet.] Bye, Comet. Hey, Comet. [She puts her lunch box on the lawn and then puts the green hat on Comet's head.] 'Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?' [He whimpers about the hat on his head, and gives the same look that she did with her dad.]
Jesse: [to Nicky and Alex]: Once upon a time, there lived a handsome well-clothed nightclub owner, and he couldn't make a decision. He couldn't decide if he wanted [as he turns the pages] this color, or this color, or this color, or this color, and it was driving him crazy. [The phone rings.] And then the phone rang. The end. OK. Thank you, guys. Great story. [The phone rings again and he picks it up.] Talk to me. Oh, bathroom fixtures? I'm sorry, I've got so many big decisions to make. Why don't you guys send something over and I'll look everything over, and I'll sorta go with the flow. You know what I'm saying? 'Go with the flow', plumbing? Hello? Hello? [He hangs up just as his wife enters the living room.]
Becky: Hi, honey. How's it going?
Jesse: Oh, terrible. I've got so much riding on this club, and I can't make a decision! I've got so many options, and I never knew it'd be this difficult. I got flooring and wallpaper... I feel like my head's gonna explode.
Becky: Honey, your head's not gonna explode. You might get a slow leak.
[Stephanie and Michelle come home from school, and greet Vicky and Danny.]
Vicky: Hi, Stephanie. Hi, Michelle.
Stephanie: Hey, Vicky. Hi, dad.
Danny: Hey, Steph.
Michelle: Hi, Vicky.
Danny: Hi, honey.
Michelle: [angrily handing Danny her lunch box] 'Father'. [She then heads upstairs.]
Danny: Did you see that? She's so angry at me. She says I treat her like a baby.
Stephanie: Well Dad, sometimes you can be a little overprotective.
Stephanie: Yeah. Last week, I was at the mall talking to Lucas Kilian, the cutest boy in my class. Dad notices my shoes are untied, so he gets down on the floor to tie them. [She and Vicky then turn and look at Danny.]
Danny: I was afraid you would trip.
Stephanie: I did... over you.
[Jesse comes home and takes off his shades. He asks for input on some cup choices.]
Jesse: I'm finally close to making a decision, OK? Now, you guys tell me which cup you like for the Smash Club. This one [a big blue cup] says, 'Here's a club that gives me a lot of value for my money', and this one [a teeny-weeny white cup] says, 'Boy, this place must be hip, 'cause I'm getting ripped off.'
[If that's not bad enough, he gets a huge surprise in the living room.]
Jesse: I'm ready to sit down and make a decision.
D.J.: Good. Then I've got just the place for you to do it. [And cue the huge surprise: Toilets of every design and color available.] You know, it's an interesting look; but personally, I would've gone with chairs.
Jesse: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this?! I wanted a catalog or something.
D.J.: Well, good luck, Uncle Jesse. And, uh, don't forget to put the seat down.
[Michelle is facing her fears as she does her best to get down from the backstop after tossing down the frisbee.]
Michelle: Daddy, I can't get down! Come and get me!
Danny: Honey, you can do this on your own. Just come down the same way you went up.
Michelle: I can't! I'm sorry! I'll wear the hat, I won't buy lunch, I won't get a tattoo, just get me down!
Danny: Honey, did you hear what I said? You're a big girl now. You can do this on your own.
Michelle: Are you sure?
Danny: I'm positive. A really great man once said, 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself'.
Derek: I believe falling is also a consideration.
Danny: Michelle, honey, I know you can do this. I'm right behind you. I'm not gonna let you fall. Just come down slowly.
Michelle: [still scared] OK. [She slowly starts her descent, as Danny guides her verbally.]
Danny: Good. That's it. It's just like a step-ladder. Now, there's a metal step. [She steps on it.] That's right, easy now. Just step..that's good. It's like a ladder. [As she reaches a slanted metal pole, he then guides her physically, despite promising otherwise.] Michelle, you're doing this all by yourself. I'm not helping you [again, despite otherwise]. You're almost there, just two more steps. [And those 'two more steps' put her back on the ground, as he tells her...] You did it! [This brings cheers to her classmates, who come up and hug and high-five her.]
Derek: Well... that was exhilarating!
Danny: OK. Show's over! There's nothing more to see here. [Her classmates depart.]
- "High anxiety" is an actual term (although non-technical) referring to a state of extreme fear (It's also the title of a 1977 Mel Brooks film)
- Stephanie's hair is different from this episode onward
- Joey's quip, "Custer's last shirt" is a take on "Custer's Last Stand", the informal name of the Battle of the Little Bighorn
- The opening teaser to this episode is similar to the subplot of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do (in 22 Minutes)" (season 3), where Stephanie loses just one tooth and actually does find tooth fairy money under her pillow; $20, to be exact (when it should've been just $1, as Danny put the wrong bill there)
- The main plot of the episode is similar to "Granny Tanny" (also season 3); however, Michelle's fears there involve getting used to her new bed after climbing out of her crib by herself in the first few minutes
- Michelle's accusation of Danny treating her like a little kid bears similarity to "The Apartment"; however, while D.J. did accuse Danny of treating her like a little kid, she really meant that, as a 'young woman', she's old enough to make her own decisions