|I'm There for You, Babe|
|Season 2, episode 20|
|Air date||April 14, 1989|
|Previous||Blast From the Past|
|Next||Luck Be a Lady (Part 1)|
It is Jesse's 26th birthday, and it seems that everyone is trying to pull him in every direction at the same time. But before the stressful day can begin, they start by surprising him (see Trivia). He gets a guitar-shaped waffle in lieu of a cake, a hand-painted "Happy Birthday Jesse, the world's greatest uncle" sign from the girls, an appointment book from Danny, and an Elvis watch from Joey.
Jesse is scheduled to coach D.J. and Kimmy's soccer team in a game at 3:30 pm, he and Joey are doing a jingle for a credit dentist commercial, Danny schedules Jesse to perform at the Smash Club in front of San Francisco Mirror music critic Sam Battersby, Stephanie needs him to bake 100 of his special cookies for a school bake sale, and Michelle needs him to fix her jack-in-the-box toy.
While Stephanie is in the kitchen preparing her bake sale cookie dough as Mr. Bear "looks on" (see Quotes), Jesse coaches the soccer team to a win (see both Quotes and Trivia), then Becky shows up at the house and asks Jesse to go with her to the wedding of her aunt's former son-in-law tomorrow, and then Danny asks him to fix his car.
Jesse thinks he can handle it all, until he and the family go to the Smash Club, and he discovers that the Rippers did not show up because, in the confusion caused by working himself to a frazzle trying to do everything at the same time, Jesse ended up booking them for another gig on the same night – at the Holiday Inn in Sacramento.
Feeling that they have been taking advantage of Jesse's generosity of late, the Tanner family tries to bail him out of his double-headed dilemma. Jesse is forced to use the family as his makeshift bandmates because he has always wanted to perform in front of Sam Battersby. They, along with Becky and Kimmy, do just that. Needless to say, it is a disaster because their performance causes many patrons to get up and leave until Stephanie saves the day (see Trivia).
When Jesse wakes up the next day, he thinks he's having a horrible nightmare; however, that horrible nightmare became reality the night before! Stephanie comes in with the newspaper, complete with a review by Sam Battersby himself.
Jesse realizes that all of the things he has obligated himself to on this day are too much, and the family agrees, deciding to give Jesse a much-needed break from it all. However, Michelle persuades him to try to fix her jack-in-the-box, which turns out to be a success. They then repeatedly say to each other the quote he repeated throughout (the title) (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[The teaser: In D.J. and Stephanie's bedroom, Stephanie is sitting on her toy chest playing a game. Michelle comes in.]
Stephanie: Can I help you?
Michelle: Stefie play horsey.
Stephanie: Stefie's very busy. Stefie doesn't wanna play horsey.
Michelle: Yes, she does.
Stephanie: No, she doesn't.
Michelle: Yes, she does.
Stephanie: No, she doesn't.
Michelle: [puts her hands over her eyes, pretending to cry] Yes, she does.
Stephanie: Okay, let's play horsey.
Stephanie: How could I fall for the old "crying routine"? I invented it.
Jesse: [repeated line] I'm there for you, babe.
Stephanie: We have to go to school on Uncle Jesse's birthday?
Danny: Oh, don't worry, honey. I'm sure they'll have some assembly program in his honor.
Danny [to Jesse & Joey] Guys, I've got some news. Jess, you get out your new appointment book. Write down: "7:30 tonight, Sam Battersby, Smash Club".
Jesse: Sam Battersby? The music critic from the "San Francisco Mirror"? That Sam Battersby?
Danny: Yep. He was on the show today and I talked him into coming to hear your band tonight.
Jesse: Danny, I've been trying to get this guy forever. How did you do it?
Danny: I just used my wit, my charm, and my two Giants tickets.
[In the living room, D.J. and Kimmy practice their soccer while they wait for Jesse.]
Kimmy: Ha! You'll never get the ball past me.
D.J.: Look, Kimmy! Jeans on sale.
Kimmy: Where? [She turns her head, and her best friend manages to kick the ball past her.]
D.J.: Yes! Tanner scores a goal.
Kimmy: Don't ever make jokes about a sale. That's so cruel.
Jesse: [enters] All right! Come on girls. Go, go, go! We got a tough game today. Let's go! Come on! Come on! [As he opens the front door, Stephanie comes in.]
Stephanie: Uncle Jesse! Uncle Jesse!
Jesse: Stephanie! Stephanie!
Stephanie: Tomorrow's my school bake sale. Will you bake 100 of your special cookies – with chocolate chips on top? Please, pretty please?
Jesse: [mimics her] 'With chocolate chips on top?' How could I turn it down?
Stephanie: You really can't. [takes him by the arm] Let's go.
D.J.: [grabs his other arm] He'll bake your cookies later, you little chicken wing.
Stephanie: Oh, yeah? Well, if I'm a chicken wing, then you're a can of chicken noodle soup.
D.J.: You have the brain of a paramecium.
Stephanie: Maybe I have the brain of a paramecium, but you only have the brain of one 'mecium'. Ha ha ha.
[Later in the kitchen, Stephanie is preparing the dough for her bake sale cookies, as Mr. Bear "looks on".]
Stephanie: Mr. Bear, while Uncle Jesse's baking cookies for the bake sale, you'd better let me lick the bowl. You've put on a couple of pounds.
[Then suddenly, from the back door, we hear...]
Jesse, D.J. & Kimmy: [singing] 'Na na na na, hey hey, goodbye!' [see Trivia] Yeah! Whoo! [They high-five each other.]
D.J.: We creamed those nerd-bombers.
[At the Smash Club...]
Joey: [singing like an old blues singer along with playing the harmonica] 'I said doo-wah diddy ... diddy-dum diddy-doo ... My shrink says I'm crazy ... I said, "Give me a second opinion." He said, "Son you're u--gly too!"' [And drummer D.J. does a rimshot (with the usual cymbal crash), and some patrons start to leave.]
[The next morning, Jesse is still asleep in his bed, exhausted from the dismal performance the night before.]
Jesse: [singing] B,I,N,G,O. Go, Bingo.
Stephanie: Uncle Jesse, wake up. [clap clap]
Jesse: [singing] N,G,O! Oh, Steph, thanks for waking me up. I was having a horrible nightmare.
Stephanie: There's an article in the paper about our band.
Jesse: Oh, no, it wasn't a nightmare. [He hides under the pillow.]
Stephanie: Listen to this. "If you missed 'Jesse and These Other Guys' last night, you're luckier than I am." [He groans.] Wait, there's more. "They were so bad, a room full of tone-deaf metal-heads were forced to flee the building."
Jesse: Let me see that. [He wakes up and grabs the paper.] Gotta be something good in here. Tone deaf. Right here, see? The bright spot of the evening. "The bright spot of the evening was the inspired keyboard playing of the adorable Kimmy Gibbler."
Stephanie: Adorable? Are you sure it doesn't say, "a doorbell"?
Jesse: That's it. My career is over.
Danny: Jess, you promised to help me with my car.
Joey: And my jingle.
D.J.: And my soccer.
Stephanie: And my cookies.
Michelle: And Jack.
Jesse: No problem. We'll just tow the car down to the soccer field, and while I'm fixing the car, I'll crank up the rear-view mirror, so I can see the field and I'll coach the game, and then during halftime I'll run over to the school cafeteria and I'll bake your cookies, and while I'm there, I'll get that Jack out of the box, and Joey, don't worry about that jingle because the whole time I'm gonna be whistling. I'll whistle while I work, people, this is your Uncle J-- I can handle this. It may take a split-second timing, but I can make this happen.
Becky: Jess, you can't wear a bathrobe to the wedding.
Jesse: The wedding! How can I go to the wedding? I got soccer balls to bake, I gotta tune up the dentist jingle. And I gotta make the carburetor pop out of the box. What's the matter with you people?! Just because I'm 26, doesn't mean I can do 26 things at one time! Okay, because I can't! I'm sorry I can't!
Kimmy: Did you read our review? [Having already read it, he goes back under the pillow.]
Michelle: Don't worry, be happy.
Jesse: [seeing that the family has decided to give him a day off] But what about all those things I promised to do for you guys?
Joey: All taken care of. I got us more time to work on the jingle.
Becky: And my cousin Sharon will keep me company at the wedding.
Stephanie: Daddy's baking my cookies.
D.J.: Joey's coaching soccer.
Danny: And Mr. Goodwrench is fixing my car.
- When Jesse tells the family that he will take care of all their problems by saying, "I'll whistle while I work", it is a reference to the song, "Whistle While You Work", from Disney's "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"
- "Birthday (Beatles song)" – everyone sings to Jesse to wake him up
- "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye" – when Jesse, D.J., and Kimmy return from their soccer game victorious
- "Do-Wah Diddy Diddy" – the family, Becky, and Kimmy's performance for Sam Battersby at the Smash Club
- "Day Tripper" – Danny's solo
- "Bingo (folk song)" – Stephanie sings to save the day
- There is an outtake from the scene where Stephanie gives a comeback to D.J., but instead of saying "Well, if I'm a chicken wing, then you're a can of chicken noodle soup," Jodie Sweetin says, "Well, if I'm a chicken wing, then you're a double-decker... what am I saying!"