|Season 2, episode 5|
|Air date||November 11, 1988|
|Writer(s)||Marc Warren & Dennis Rinsler|
|Previous||D.J.'s Very First Horse|
|Next||Beach Boy Bingo|
Jesse is having problems with an advertising jingle that he has been hired to write for Fred's Tire Town. When Joey gives him the inspiration he needs in order to write it, the result is that it is bought. That bit of success leads to Jesse making an offer to Joey – to be his writing partner. They try rehearsing in Jesse's room but think Joey's room is a much better idea (see Quotes).
With the success of the Fred's Tire Town jingle, they decide to do one for Kitty Krispies cat food as a duet, similar to a guy singing with his cat (see Quotes). But when the jingle is given "the Joey treatment" and is not bought, a feud erupts between them, but they work things out and decide to remain partners.
Meanwhile, D.J. and Stephanie are feuding because of the one thing that has made them fight: Stephanie's constant breaking of the rules that D.J. set up (in the series premiere). For example, D.J. returns from karate practice and catches Stephanie and Harry faking death on her bed (see Quotes), to which she remarks that she is never having kids.
Elsewhere, Danny takes on the daunting task of potty-training Michelle. When he actually does potty-train her, he uses a doll and play-set to demonstrate (see Quotes).
Later, D.J. catches Stephanie and Harry eating orange ice cream bars that were reserved for herself and Kimmy. When Stephanie tries to give her sister back the ice cream bar she was eating, D.J. obviously knows the damage has already been done and obviously is not going to finish it (see Quotes). For her, that's definitely the last straw.
To get back at Stephanie for always messing with her stuff, D.J. decides to return the favor (see Quotes). This coincides with Joey and Jesse's feud when both come back from their jingle session. Like the guys, the girls also make up.
Speaking of the guys' feud, Jesse is, of course, putting the blame on Joey for their failure, and even threatening a breakup! They're both "fine" with that, as they head to their rooms, but they have trouble opening the childproof gates, so they climb over them. The girls, overhearing this, have an idea.
After Jesse and Joey check the girls' room for any damage and then (attempt to) apologize for their earlier feud, Danny comes in and surprises everyone with the big news that Michelle's successfully and properly been potty-trained (see Quotes).
However, before they can celebrate that big news, the "siblings" all feel that they need a moment in the girls' room. The guys remind the girls that nobody is leaving the house, and equate their "sibling rivalry" to that of the real thing that the girls had earlier (see Quotes).
Joey apologizes (as the inspirational music plays) for springing the puppets on him during the jingle presentation, and he now realizes that he should have consulted Jesse about it first. While each of them admits that they have fear of failing in their talents (Jesse's music and Joey's comedy), the family will still be behind them 100%, no matter what (see Quotes), and Jesse thanks them (just as the music stops).
He admits to Joey that they had a few problems in the beginning, but they make a pretty good team, and Joey agrees that they did some good stuff. They commit to remaining partners, but no puppets anymore. They hug (as the studio audience gives an "aw" and applauds). Stephanie decides this calls for a tea party, and they all give a little toast to their friendship (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[In the opening teaser, D.J. and Michelle are sitting on D.J.'s bed.]
D.J.: [holding her magazine and showing Michelle] Isn't Patrick Swayze cute?
[Michelle's mouth drops wide open. D.J. blows a bubble with her bubble gum. Michelle pops it with her finger.]
D.J.: Not funny.
Michelle: [after feeling her sticky hand] Yuck.
[In D.J. & Stephanie's bedroom...]
Harry: [grabs his chest, pretending to be shot] You got me!
Stephanie: Master of the Universe, your tea is ready.
Harry: I'm not Master of the Universe anymore. I'm G.I. Joe. And G.I. Joe doesn't drink tea.
Stephanie: He does when he plays house with me.
Harry: Got it, chief.
Stephanie: Sweet'N Low, Joe?
Harry: This tea is poison!
[They act like they're dying on D.J.'s bed. D.J. herself enters the bedroom wearing her karate uniform and is not pleased.]
D.J.: Freeze, nerd-bombers! [She forces them off with her hand movements, as she says...] Up, up, up, up! [She then points to each of them.] You better keep away from my stuff. I just got back from karate class, and I'm pumped [makes a few punches along with the traditional shouts].
Stephanie: You're just jealous because I have a boyfriend and you don't.
D.J.: You're dreaming. You don't have a boyfriend.
Stephanie: It so happens I do.
Stephanie: [points to Harry] Him.
Harry: [pointing to himself] Me?
Stephanie: You're a boy. You're my friend. That makes you my boyfriend.
[In the living room, Danny has arrived home with a surprise.]
Danny: Joey! Joey!
Joey: Yeah? What is it?
Danny: Where's Michelle? Where is my little genius?
Joey: Well, last time I saw Madame Curie she was licking squash off the highchair. She's taking a nap.
Danny: Look at this. The latest high-tech potty. It's Japanese, it's state-of-the-art and it's digital.
Joey: Wow, it's all happening so fast. Potty training. Pretty soon, Michelle will be off to school.
Danny: Meeting boys.
Joey: Going to the prom.
Danny: Getting married.
Joey: You know, we ought to think about having another one.
[In the bathroom...]
Danny: Now, Michelle, with any luck, this is something you'll be doing the rest of your life. Now, watch closely. Potty Polly [doll] sits down... and she makes the bell go 'ding, ding' [rings the bell]. And then she gets a cookie.
Michelle: [puts a toy bowl on her head] Hat... Hat.
Danny: No, no. Bad hat. Not a big hit in the Easter parade.
[In Jesse's bedroom...]
Jesse: Let's try some different musical styles. Let's do a little reggae, boy.
Joey: [Jamaican accent] Oh, yeah, man. Yeah, man.
Jesse: One, two...
Joey: [singing] Day-o We eat the cat food every day-o. Ah la-la-la.
Jesse: We got that out of our system.
Joey: [Jamaican accent] You got that, man.
Jesse: All right, let's try a little... like a conga thing. Like a... dink, dink, dink. [plays the rhythm track] That's it. [singing] Do we like this music? Do we like this music?
Joey: [singing] I think I threw my back out.
Jesse: [stops the track] All right. Come on, let's get back to our roots. Let's get a little rock 'n' roll going here. Kind of like...[starts playing the keyboard] Yeah.
Joey: Oh, big daddy, now, this music says cat food.
Jesse: All right, good. That's the style. That's the motif. Now, what we need are some words. Lucky for me, my partner happens to be the King of Comedy. Ready, Joey? Be funny.
Joey: Hey, what a great audience. So where you from? [doing his hand gesture] Cut it out. Get out of here.
[Stephanie and Harry are in the kitchen eating Popsicles quickly.]
Stephanie & Harry: [alternating] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow [while touching their own forehead because of the brain freeze pain]!
Harry: Ice cream race... bad idea.
Jesse & Joey: [coming (& going) downstairs, singing:] 'Funny room, funny room, everyone's going to the funny room.'
Harry: I love coming here.
D.J.: [enters and heads for the refrigerator but then sees what they're eating] Stephanie, I was saving those ice cream bars for me and Kimmy. They're mine.
Stephanie: Well, they don't have your name on them.
D.J.: Yes they do [showing her].
Stephanie: Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle! Here, D.J. [She gives her sister the half-eaten bar.]
D.J.: Stephanie! You're always messing up my stuff! I warned you, and I'm gonna get you back. You won't know when it's coming, and you won't know how it's coming, but it's coming. [She puts the bar down on the counter and storms off.]
Stephanie: Can you see why she doesn't have a boyfriend?
[In Joey's bedroom...]
Joey: When we make the presentation, I'll sing in a cat voice.
Jesse: Love it.
Joey: When we go in there, I'll wear a cat suit.
Jesse: I hate it.
Joey: Come on, partner. I can get a cat costume. My friend was in a Broadway play. What the heck was the name of it again?
Joey: That's the one!
Jesse: Joseph, tomorrow morning, we're going in to make a presentation to a very important advertising agency. Now, it's gonna be a room full of serious suits and ties. We can't go acting like amateurs. Trust me. I'm a professional.
Joey: Hey, trust me. I am a professional too. Jess [munches on some of the cat food out of the box], they want a funny jingle. Let's go in there and be funny.
Jesse: [as he snatches the box out of his hand] Give me that. No catsuit!
Joey: How about just ears and a tail?
Jesse: Joseph! This is no joke, now. You look me in the eye and promise me: 'no catsuit'.
Joey: [sadly] I promise. No catsuit.
Jesse: Thank you [goes to sit at his keyboard].
Joey: So I guess a six-foot ball of yarn is out of the quest--? [Jesse stands back up, which cuts him off, and points his index finger at him (as to say "Don't even...").]
[In the advertising office...]
Jesse: Hi, Joey. This is my partner, Joseph Gladstone.
Joey: Hi, nice to meet you.
Jesse: Great. [Joey opens his briefcase.] My partner and I have worked long and hard to come up with a campaign that we feel has strong consumer appeal. May I present... [Joey brings out...] A cat puppet? A cat puppet. [whispering] Joseph, I think you and I have to have a little talk.
Joey: Right after this word from Kitty Krispies. [He uses the puppet to turn on the boombox.]
Jesse: No? [singing] Well, I went to my cat the other day, and asked him what he'd like to eat
Joey: [singing] I said, "I'm sick of that junk you're feeding me, how about a brand-new treat?"
Jesse: [singing] He said, "I'm sick of that junk you're feeding me...
Joey: [singing] ...how about a brand-new treat?"
Jesse: [singing] So I went to the supermarket to find that special blend
Joey: [singing] I said, "Buy me those Kitty Krispies, man, and I'll be your best friend."
Both: [singing] He said, "Buy me those Kitty Krispies, man, and I'll be your best friend."
[And Joey springs open his briefcase and up pops a trio of kitten puppets to accompany the cat puppet.]
Jesse: [singing] Now me and my cat are buddies, we really do get along; I serve him cases and cases of Krispies now, and all we do is sing this song.
Both: [singing] We serve him cases and cases of Krispies now, and all we do is sing this song. Now my little kitty... is sitting really pretty... eating Kitty Krispies now. [And Joey tops it off with the kitten puppet trio, but the executives are anything but impressed.]
[Stephanie comes downstairs with all of her shoes (except the pair she's wearing) tied together in a daisy chain.]
Stephanie: Daddy! Look what D.J. did!
D.J.: [following her] I did it for your own good!
Stephanie: Boy, are you gonna get it. [She turns to Danny.] OK, daddy. Ready? On your mark, get set, punish [points to D.J.].
D.J.: Dad, she's always messing with my stuff. I had to teach her a lesson.
Danny: I'll take it from here, OK? Stephanie, honey, you know that we need to treat each other's property with respect. And D.J., in this family, we do not tie together each other's shoes... unless there's some kind of weird emergency.
[They start to walk away.]
Danny: Red light [they stop]. What's our rule after we fight?
D.J. & Stephanie: Never walk away angry.
Danny: Very good. Now, go ahead and apologize.
D.J. & Stephanie: [not looking at each other] Sorry.
Danny: Now, D.J., help Stephanie untie her shoes.
[Repeated lines throughout D.J. and Stephanie's and Jesse and Joey's fights:]
D.J.: No, I don't [...have to actually untie any of Stephanie's shoes].
Stephanie: Yes, you do.
D.J.: No, I don't.
Stephanie: Yes, you do...
[Joey and Jesse enter the front door.]
Joey: No, I didn't [...wear a cat suit]!
Jesse: Yes, you did!...
[All four stop, noticing that they're all doing the same thing. Jesse slams the door and he and Joey storm off...]
Jesse: Yes, you did.
Joey: No, I didn't.
Stephanie: [to D.J.] See what you started?
[In the kitchen, Jesse slams down his boombox, Joey slams down his briefcase, and both slam down their jackets.]
Joey: Why do I get all the blame for this, huh? They said, 'Thank you very much, but we're going another way.'
Jesse: Which is advertising lingo for: 'Put your puppet where the sun don't shine.'
Joey: I took a risk. I dared to be silly.
Jesse: Why didn't you tell me before you dared to be silly?! Man, you promised me.
Joey: I kept my promise. I did not wear a catsuit.
Jesse: You wore a catsuit on your hand! And you stabbed me in the back with it.
Joey: Jess, this is not that big a deal. You're not really mad at me. There's something else bothering you. So, what is your problem really?
Jesse: My problem is I'm living in the same house with you.
Joey: And what's that supposed to mean?
Jesse: Maybe we don't need three fathers. Haven't you ever seen My Two Dads? Two is all you need.
Joey: All right. Fine with me.
Jesse: Fine with me!
Joey: Fine. This is ridiculous.
[They head to each of their rooms, but have trouble opening the toddler gates to the stairways... then they step over them.]
[In the living room, the girls open the kitchen door and peek in.]
Stephanie: D.J., they sound really mad. Are they gonna get a divorce?
D.J.: Not if we get them to make up. You get Uncle Jesse, and I'll get Joey. We'll all meet back in our room.
Stephanie: You have a great mind, D.J. [picks up her tied-together shoes] If you could only use it for good.
[In D.J. & Stephanie's bedroom...]
Jesse: [to Stephanie] I'm sure there are no monsters in your closet, but I'll check for you [opens the closet door].
Joey: [to D.J.] I don't believe you broke a window! [looks at it] I don't believe it, because it's not broken.
Stephanie: Well, well, well, look who's here.
Jesse: Well, well, well, look who's leaving.
Joey: I'm out of here.
D.J.: [blocking their exit] Red light [they stop]. We have a rule in this house: never walk away angry.
Stephanie: So say you're sorry to each other. Please?
Jesse: [in a puny manner] Sorry.
Joey: [in the same manner] Sorry.
D.J.: That was pathetic.
Danny: I don't wanna get anybody's hopes up but Michelle is on the verge of a major breakthrough. [bell dings] Oh, my God, we're missing it. [They all go into the hallway.]
[In the corridor...]
Danny: Michelle, we did it! That's my big girl!
Jesse: All right, Michelle! You're one step closer to a diaper-free world.
Danny: Come on, little mouse. I'll get you ready and we'll all go out and celebrate.
Jesse: Isn't that little pumpkin something.
Joey: Did you see her with that magazine? Was that too cute or what?
Stephanie: Does this mean you're not gonna get a divorce?
Joey: A divorce? What are you talking about?
Stephanie: You said there were too many dads here.
Jesse: You guys heard us fighting, huh?
D.J.: We don't want anybody to leave.
Joey: We need to talk.
Jesse: Come on, let's sit down. [And they all head back into the girls' room for a 'little chat'.]
[In D.J. & Stephanie's bedroom:]
Joey: Girls, nobody is leaving this house.
Jesse: Right. We just had a little fight. You see, sometimes in the heat of the moment, you say things that you don't really mean. You know what I'm talking about. You guys fight all the time.
D.J.: We're sisters. We're supposed to fight.
Stephanie: It's our job.
Jesse: Well... same with us. We fight like brothers.
Joey: You mean that, Jess? You think of me like a brother?
Jesse: Well, you definitely irritate me like a brother.
Joey: Jess, that is the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Jesse: Well, we help raise these kids together, do the laundry together, we make school lunches together. Somewhere along the line, we became brothers... and housewives [chuckles].
Joey: Hey, I'm sorry about springing that puppet on you. I thought it would be a big hit. I was trying to surprise you. I guess I should've talked to you about it first.
Jesse: Eh, it was cute. I'm sorry for getting crazy, Joey. ... Joey, you know that thing you said about: something else was bothering me? You're right. I'm scared.
Stephanie: You're scared?
Joey: Scared of what?
Jesse: Scared of not making it. You don't know how hard it was to break away from my father, to leave the family business ["It's Not My Job"]. The thought of me crawling back, killing bugs again... admitting that I failed. I just don't know if I'm good enough.
Joey: Jess, no one ever knows. I go through that same fear every time I jump on stage and try and make people laugh. But you gotta hang tough. You got a real talent. If it makes it any easier for you, hey, we've all got faith in you.
Jesse: What do you say? You still wanna be partners?
Joey: Like Butch and Sundance?
Jesse: Martin and Lewis.
Stephanie: Bert and Ernie!
Jesse & Joey: No puppets.
Joey: Put it there, partner.
[But instead of shaking his hand...]
Jesse: Come here, bro [they hug].
Stephanie: This calls for a tea party.
Jesse: All right! Let's have some tea in here.
Joey: Okay, here we go.
Jesse: A little toast to our friendship. Here we go.
Stephanie: This tea is poison! [They all grab their necks and pretend that they're dying.]
The episode title is a take on the Christmas song "Jingle Bells".
There are outtakes from three scenes on the blooper reel:
- When Jesse and Joey are at the ad agency to give their presentation, Joey hits the play button on the tape player, but it starts playing very fast, causing the actors to jokingly run through their scene very fast as well
- John Stamos mistakenly said "Haven't you seen that show 'My Three Dads'? (instead of My Two Dads), then Dave Coulier said, "Yeah, it's called Full House, you dip---!" (joking – and the studio audience knows that and laughs)
- Instead of the line, "Oh, you girls heard us fighting, huh?", Stamos said, "Oh, you heard us girls fighting?", causing him to break down into laughter when he realizes his mistake