|Knock Yourself Out|
|Season 1, episode 7|
|Air date||October 30, 1987|
Danny gets his big chance at nationwide exposure when he is tapped to cover a major boxing match. Just before a big match begins, he tells boxer Reggie "The Sandman" Martin that his wife, Marcie, has left him. Danny knows about it because of an article in Sports Illustrated that Reggie was not made aware of.
As a result, the Sandman is knocked out in the second round. In the locker room interview following the fight, Danny apologizes to the Sandman for what happened and he accepts the apology, while also thanking Danny for having the courage to be honest with him about his wife.
Reggie realizes that his manager, Lou, talked him out of retirement because he needed the money, and that he knew about Marcie. Therefore, the Sandman decides to officially quit his boxing career (firing Lou) and find his wife to work things out with her. Lou then punches Danny in the gut, but only gets himself hurt in the process, thanks to Stephanie's gift to Danny: a handmade tie tack (and D.J. gave him the tie).
The girls wear Jesse out when they vocally give him a list of foods to eat while they all watch the big boxing match: ice cream, red licorice, peanut butter, jelly, bread, carrots, fruit, milk, and a six-pack of soda. All this running back and forth is indeed too much for their uncle, so he decides when enough is enough (see Quotes).
When a depressed Danny comes home from what he had hoped to be an unforgettable night that turned into one he would rather forget, he flops face down on the couch and drops his briefcase. But, when Joey tells him that Michelle had been sick, his attitude totally changes. When checking on her, he finds that the guys did a good job of taking care of her. But then, Joey brings up the interview, which brings him down again. So, he prods them into giving him a pep talk, and they do – in their funny way (see Quotes). (The audience applauds and the EP credits appear.)
Reggie "The Sandman" Martin was played by Ernie Hudson. He is best known for playing Winston Zeddemore in Ghostbusters (1984) and Ghostbusters II (1989).
[In Michelle's room, Danny has finished changing her diaper and is about to put her in her crib.]
Danny: [holding her up] Wish Daddy luck, honey. It's a big night. Daddy's getting a tryout as color man for the big fight. Cable TV. Nationwide. [She's not looking at him.] Yes, I see how impressed you are. [carries her over to her crib] There you go.
Michelle: [puts her arms out] Da-da.
Danny: Michelle, I'd love to give you a hug, but 20 million people will be watching me. And I'd just as soon them not see your cookies on my shoulder. [She makes a sad sound.] Do you promise everything inside of you is gonna stay inside of you? [She puts her arms out again] Okay [reaches toward her]. [She burps.] That's a preview, isn't it? Okay. Baby-dribble guard [throws it over his shoulder]. Come here.
[In the living room, Jesse is playing his guitar, as he writes a song.]
Jesse: Oh, cool. Yes. [writes on the paper] All right. All right. [His brother-in-law comes downstairs and clears his throat.] [takes off his glasses] May I help you?
Danny: Well, Jesse, what do you think [about his suit]?
Jesse: [noticing the "dribble-guard"] You're planning on burping one of the boxers?
Danny: A good sportscaster is ready for anything [and takes it off his shoulder].
Jesse: Listen, I picked up the perfect tune for the lyrics here. This is really cool. Listen to this song. [Plays and sings:] 'She left me for another, walked right out the door. I thought that she loved me. What good is my heart for?'
Danny: [notices that the tune sounds a lot like:] '[singing] On Top of Old Smoky, all covered with snow...'
Jesse: [stops playing and stands] You realize there are only seven notes. Beethoven was right when he said, 'it don't come easy.' [...] Well, he said it in German.
Joey: [enters wearing a bathrobe and oven mitts as boxing gloves] All right, Danny, I'm ready. I want you [makes a punch motion] poom! I want you – poom, poom. Second round, you going down! [Jesse's not happy about the punches coming close to his face and stands up.] Sorry, I'll behave.
Jesse: [as he returns to his music, Joey slaps him on the back of his head] You are such a baby [gets up and starts to leave, then turns back to slap Joey's head].
Joey: Long-haired hippy punk. Danny, I gotta tell you, I am so proud of you. Ever since you were sports editor of our high school newspaper, you had that dream.
Danny: The one about Sharon Campbell?
Joey: No, not that dream. Every guy in high school had that dream. No, I mean your dream about making it as a sportscaster. Tonight you go from local news to coast-to-coast. Knock 'em dead.
Danny: Thanks. And your dream about being a comic… I promise you one day, I won't be the only one who thinks you're funny.
[Before he leaves, the girls give him a new tie and a handmade tie tack as good luck gifts.] [...] [looking at the tie tack, but the guys don't know what it is] Oh, this is great! Thank you for the... um... This is great.
Joey: That's the most beautiful... one of those I've ever seen.
[Jesse has finished gathering all the snacks the girls asked for and brings them upstairs.]
Jesse: [with the food filling his arms and on his head] All right, girls. This should get us through the first two rounds.
D.J.: Uncle Jesse, we changed our minds. We're watching the fight downstairs.
[As they start to go...]
Jesse: Freeze, ankle-biters! This is as far as your Uncle Lunch Wagon goes.
D.J.: Ooh, it's Uncle Bad Attitude.
Stephanie: I guess this is a bad time to mention you forgot the carrots.
Jesse: Yes, bad time. Help me out here. [They start taking the stuff from his arms.] Come on. Grab that.
Joey: [enters the hallway] Hey, Jess, quick, I need you in the nursery. [He too wants to help out.] Let me give you a hand with this [takes one can, making the 6-pack of soda on his head a 5-pack]. Thanks [and goes back to Michelle's room].
Jesse: [to himself] What is happening to my life?
[On TV, Danny interviews a former boxing champ before the match.]
Danny: How ya feelin'?
Sandman: I feel good. I feel strong. I feel like hittin’ somebody!
Danny: But not me, right?
Sandman: That depends on the question.
Danny: Okay, no pressure here. Well, champ, the obvious question: why the comeback? You have plenty of money in the bank. Heck, you own a bank. You’ve been retired for two years. What is it? Do you miss wearing the shorts?
Sandman: No, no.
Lou: It’s about respect. Pride and respect. The Sandman wants to go down as the greatest champion in the history of boxing.
Danny: Are you sure it’s not the $6 million?
Sandman: [smiles] Okay, I miss wearin’ the shorts.
[When Danny inadvertently gives Sandman upsetting news that causes him to break down, the living room is filled with shock.]
Stephanie: Why was that man crying?
Jesse: Well, the man was crying because... your dad made him so happy.
Stephanie: I don't think so.
[After the break...]
Stephanie: Now what happens?
Jesse: Well, two guys beat each other up for about 36 minutes. Then they get $6 million.
Stephanie: Six million dollars? Forget about being a ballerina.
Joey: Uh, maybe you girls shouldn't be watching all this violence.
D.J.: Joey's right, Steph. Let's go watch reruns of The A-Team.
Jesse: Hear that? She coughed again. This cough is getting serious. I'll think of something. What are you doing?
Joey: Calling the baby's doctor.
Jesse: Good. I knew I'd think of something. Here. [He gives Joey the phone, while he himself holds Michelle.]
Joey: Hello, Dr. Landress? You're home? ... You answer your own phone? ... Are you any good? ... Yeah, I'm calling about Michelle Tanner. She's coughing. Hold on, doc. [to Jesse] He wants to know what kind of cough.
Jesse: What kind of...[takes the receiver] It's a little baby's cough, you know [coughs]. It's like that.
Joey: [takes the receiver back] Doc, I do impressions for a living. It was more like...[does a more accurate-sounding baby's cough]
Jesse: Give me the phone! [to the doc] I'm sorry, we're new parents. All right, come here. Listen to Michelle cough. There you go. Cough, Michelle. Come on, cough. Come on. [to Joey] It's just like when you take your car to a mechanic. It never makes the same noise. [to the doc] All right. Her nose? Yeah, it's running like a fountain. ... What's coming out of it? Diet cola! ... Fever? I don't know. ... Of course I know how to take her temperature. You simply put the thermometer under her tongue... I put it where? ... Joey, it's for you.
[In the bathroom...]
Jesse: [checks the thermometer] Normal. No temperature. High five, Michelle. [She lightly hits his hand.] High five, high five. All right.
Joey: Okay. Well, Doctor said no fever means it's a cold and we should use the medicine from her last cold. Okay [going through the cabinet], we got strawberry mousse, apricot conditioner, honey nut rinse. You believe these girls put all this dumb junk in their hair?
Jesse: It's mine. [to Michelle] What are you looking at?
Joey: All right. Here it is. 'Michelle Tanner. Half a teaspoon, four times a day.' Remember that.
Jesse: All right. Give me that [takes off the cap].
D.J.: The fight's over. They said Dad will be back on 'after these important messages'.
Stephanie: What are you doing to Michelle?
Jesse: We're giving your sister some medicine.
Stephanie: That's not the way Daddy does it.
Jesse: Stephanie... All right, here you go, Michelle. [She pushes the spoon away and the cough syrup goes on Joey's nose.] Joey, duck!
[In the kitchen, they try another way of giving the medicine, but...]
Joey: Well, so much for cough syrup and pureed chicken.
Jesse: I told you it wouldn't work. You never serve red cough syrup with poultry.
D.J.: By the way, if I'm ever sick, dial 911.
Stephanie: Daddy's on!
Jesse: Okay. [picks up Michele in her highchair and takes it over to the little TV on the counter] Come on.
Danny: [on TV] Well, fans, you saw it: 1:17 into the second round, Reggie “The Sandman” Martin was KO'd. He may have been a little off tonight. That happens. But, I don't think the blame should be laid at anybody's feet. I mean anybody. Am I being clear? A blameless defeat... [He's interrupted by a bunch of fellow reporters.]
Reporter: Hey, Tanner. How does it feel to have personally dealt a crushing blow to a man's career?
Danny: Are you talking about the Sandman's or my own?
Reporter: Do you have some sort of personal grudge against the Sandman?
Danny: Not at all; the Sandman and I have always had a very warm and cordial relationship.
Sandman: I want him! I want him! I want Danny Tanner! I want him! I want him!
Danny: Can't you just feel the love?
[In the locker room...]
Danny: Walk with me as I apologize to the Sandman. Sandman, I am really very, very sorry.
Sandman: It's okay. It's not your fault. At least somebody had the guts to tell me about my wife. Say, you wouldn't happen to know why she left me, would you?
Danny: Well, maybe not seeing your wife for three or four months resulted in a teensy loss of intimacy.
Lou: It's okay, champ. We don't need her.
Sandman: It's this 'we' stuff. It's this 'we' stuff that got me in trouble. You talked me out of retirement because you needed money. Now, you knew about my wife all the time, didn't you?
Lou: Well, I kind of got an inkling when I saw the cover story in Sports Illustrated.
Sandman: [looks at the camera] Marcie. Marcie, honey, I'm gonna give up boxing for good. I'm gonna find you, beg for forgiveness, and win the back, because I love you, baby. Lou, you fired.
Lou: Tanner, this whole thing is your fault! [He lands one in Danny's stomach... or at least tries. The end result: the pain is in his hand.] Ohhhh!
Danny: [looks at the camera and shows the tie tack] Thanks, Stephanie.
Stephanie: [watching TV] You're welcome, Daddy. [to everyone at home] Didn't Daddy do great?
Jesse: Oh, he was quite good this evening.
D.J.: He was so good. He really was.
Joey: Yeah, girls, nobody can take a punch like your father.
Stephanie: Can we stay up till Daddy gets home?
Jesse: Oh no, girls. Go to sleep. Come on. Get some rest. Tomorrow we may have to move to a civilization without television. Go.
Girls: Goodnight [as they head on upstairs].
[In the kitchen:]
Danny: [wants a pep talk] Come on, I'll get you started. How about: 'Every cloud has a silver lining', or 'the sun will come out tomorrow'.
Joey: I'm feeling it. Pep is welling up. It's in my stomach. It's working its way north. It's in my throat, and pep! [with a gruff voice and massaging his shoulders like a ringside manager/trainer] Danny, nobody's career goes straight up. You had one rough night. There's always bumps along the way.
Danny: This is good. Don't stop.
Joey: Then don't interrupt. The key, Danny, is to learn from all those little bumps so that you'll be better prepared for next time. [back to normal voice] Because you will have other chances.
Danny: When? I need a date and a time.
Joey: Soon. Because you're good at what you do. And you know why? Because you care about more than just scores and stats. You care about people. Right, Jess?
Jesse: Yeah, why not?
Joey: And in your own unique way, you helped the Sandman. People trust you. They know you're a good guy. Right, Jess?
Jesse: Yeah, why not?
Danny: Thanks, guys.
Jesse: My favorite part was when the manager punched him… right in the stomach.
Joey: I loved it when he brought tears to the Sandman's eyes.
Jesse: That was nice. But the reporters drilling him… He had beads of sweat going down his face. That killed me. That was funny.
Danny: That was good. You know what I loved? When I said there was no one to blame. I loved how bad that was.
The episode title is a take on the boxing term "knock out" and the idiom "knock yourself out", meaning "go for it" or "do as you please".