|Lust in the Dust|
|Season 3, episode 15|
|Air date||January 26, 1990|
|Writer(s)||Bobby Fine & Gigi Vorgan|
|Previous||Misadventures in Babysitting|
|Next||Bye, Bye Birdie|
For what seems like the millionth time, Danny has once again broken a date, and this time, he says it is because her earlobes were not the right size. D.J. and Stephanie set Danny up with Stephanie's dance teacher, Karen Penner, including a candlelight lunch (instead of dinner). However, when Danny and Karen later go to her apartment, he sees what a mess it is, and breaks yet another date.
It turns out that Danny has been deliberately nitpicking and finding mostly trivial things wrong with his dates so that he can have a reason to cancel them, because almost three years after Pam's death, he is still hesitant about dating again. Jesse and Joey convince him to give Karen another chance.
Speaking of Jesse and Joey, they've been hard at work with their latest marketing campaign for canned sardines. Apparently, Joey tries his best at being the "spokesfish", but Jesse thinks the voice needs work because he thinks Joey's never had a sardine before.
Meanwhile, Michelle has been taking things that belong to others and hiding them, such as Joey's tape recorder, Stephanie's pen, and D.J.'s Milli Vanilli cassette tape; the latter two of which are in her room and she returns to both sisters immediately, while the tape recorder is located by D.J. just as she is about to have breakfast, as she discovers it in the cereal box. And neither she nor Joey are happy about it (see Quotes).
In the meantime, Jesse is really late for an important rehearsal with his band because his keys are missing, and he needs them so he can start his motorcycle and open their rehearsal hall. After the older girls say that they have not seen them, Michelle is accused of taking and hiding Jesse's keys. D.J. asks him if he has an extra set of keys, and he sarcastically says that if he had, he would not be at the mercy of a 3-year-old (see Quotes). When Michelle shows a set of plastic-colored keys, he decides they had better retrace every step that she took. She giggles as he carries her downstairs, both knowing she wasn't in the potty (bathroom) when she was last down there.
Later, the interrogation of Michelle continues in the living room where her sisters are tired of her not telling where the keys are (see Quotes). Jesse comes downstairs, remarking that he has looked in every room and trash can, still having no luck and still accusing her. Then, everything is resolved when Joey comes home with a bunch of sardine cans in hand from their new project and points out that Jesse left his keys in the front door lock. Jesse asks Michelle to forgive him for not believing that she was telling the truth, and she forgives him.
Then, later, after another chat with Danny and Joey regarding tonight's events, Jesse heads off to his rehearsal... but once again, he can't find his keys, but this time the Popsicle-eating Michelle has them, for real, and hands them over after hiding them in her booster seat (see Quotes).
Taking Joey and Jesse's advice, Danny heads back to Karen's apartment. After she admits that she knows how to clean up, he admits that he didn't give her or even both of them a fair chance. She decides now's a good time as ever for that fair chance, and also a good time for a hug. She then admits that she doesn't remember where anything went after cleaning, but he decides to help her with that (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[Jesse and Joey are working on their new commercial in the living room.]
Joey: I did a real fun voice on my tape recorder this morning [searches for it]. Hey, where'd my little tape recorder go? [And when Michelle fake-laughs...] Oh, that's a suspicious little giggle. Michelle, do you know where my little tape recorder is?
Michelle: [sing-song] Yes, I do-oo.
Joey: And where is my tape recorder?
Michelle: The tape recorder's hiding.
Joey: It's not fun to hide other people's things.
Michelle: It is for me. [...]
D.J.: [emerging from the kitchen, excited] Look! I found this tape recorder in my cereal box. This is a much better prize than those plastic dinosaurs.
Joey: Thank you [takes it]. I'll take that. [D.J. frowns.] [looks at Michelle and holding it up] Oh, look what I found.
Michelle: Aw, nuts.
[Stephanie returns from dance class with Karen, and Danny asks Steph what she learned (right).]
Stephanie: I learned you still owe Karen a check for my lessons.
Karen: That's not all she learned. Hey Steph, show everyone else what you've learned.
Stephanie: Okay. Hey, D.J., go put on some music.
D.J.: Why do I have to put on some music?
Stephanie: Because your name is D.J. (as in disc jockey) [takes off her jacket, puts it on the chair, and moves the chair for more space].
[D.J. and Stephanie have a plan to get Danny and Karen to have lunch together.]
Danny: [serves each one their lunch] OK, I have everyone's sandwich just the way they want them [so he thinks]: turkey, all white meat [for Joey]; turkey and Swiss [for Jesse]; Swiss, no turkey [for D.J.]; turkey, all dark meat, extra tomato [for himself]; turkey, extra turkey [for Karen]; turkey, half dark meat, half white meat [for Stephanie]; and peanut butter and banana, hold the turkey [for Michelle].
[As soon as his back is turned, everyone starts swapping sandwiches to the right ones – except for Michelle who puts her hands on her sandwich.]
Michelle: This baby is mine.
D.J.: Dad, we saved you a seat right here [gesturing to the chair next to Karen].
Danny: Just a minute, honey. I need to a do a 'pre-rinse' [of the dishes] just before the really big wash after lunch.
D.J.: [to Karen] Isn't he a gem?
Joey: Yeah, he's gonna make some woman a very happy man.
Jesse: Oh yeah. And talk about perfect sandwiches, when he goes down the poultry aisle, all the turkeys are yelling, 'Take me! Take, take me!'
Stephanie: That's why we call him "Mr. Turkey"!
Danny: [comes back to the table] Oh, this is so nice. I can't remember the last time we were all together for a nice Saturday lunch. [As soon as he sits down, everyone else gets up, saying they have other things to do.]
D.J.: Come on, Michelle. Let's go.
Michelle: I have to eat in my room.
Danny: You don't have to eat in your room.
Michelle: D.J. says I do. [D.J. picks her up out of her booster chair, then lights the candle between them, and tells them...]
D.J.: Have a nice lunch. [She then puts on some romantic music as she heads upstairs – leaving Danny and Karen alone.]
Karen: It looks to me like we've been set up here.
[Jesse is looking everywhere in his room for his keys.]
Jesse: [fed up] This is a joke. Girls, get in here! [And they do so, as Stephanie brings Michelle by the hand.]
D.J.: What is it?
Stephanie: What happened?
Jesse: Well, I lost my keys... I gotta meet my band and I'm the only one who can open up the rehearsal hall. Has anyone seen them?
D.J.: Not me.
Stephanie: Not me.
[All 3 of them turn and glare at Michelle, with Jesse also folding his arms (see Trivia) and D.J. putting a hand on her hip.]
Michelle: What did I do [putting the palms of her hands up (Gallic shrug)]?
Jesse: You've been playing that hiding game all day, haven't you? [...] I want you to show me everything you hid right now. [Out the door she goes.]
Michelle: People, I'm waiting. [And they make their way over to her room.] This is my room. And this is my pencil bed.
Jesse: Alright, cut the guided tour and show us the loot.
Michelle: Okay, okay. [lifts up a blanket and pulls something out] I hid this.
D.J.: Michelle! That's my Milli Vanilli tape!
Stephanie: And you called me a Milli Vanilli thief. I demand an apology.
D.J.: In your dreams.
Stephanie: I accept. [Her roommate leaves.]
Jesse: Hey, Michelle. While I'm young.
Michelle: [pulls something else out] Here, Stephie.
Stephanie: Michelle! My sparkle pen! You're old enough to hear this now: How rude! [And she leaves.]
Michelle: Why does she always say that?
Jesse: Hey, Michelle. I'm growing a beard here. Come on. I'm late. Where are my keys?
Michelle: [shows him a set of colorful plastic keys] Here. Are you happy now?
Jesse: Yeah, I'd be happy if I were driving a Fisher-Price Harley. [He puts the "keys" down and picks her up.] Come on. Now, we're gonna retrace every step you took today. You got it?
Michelle: You got it, dude [with the thumb sign].
[Danny takes Karen back to her apartment at the end of their date and she invites him in for coffee.]
Danny: I bet you make the perfect cup of [she turns the light on] co... call the police! You've been robbed.
Karen: I haven't been robbed. I've just been busy with dance class, I haven't tidied up in a while.
Danny: Since when? The '60s?
Karen: So I've been a little behind on my housecleaning. Big deal. [She folds up her sofa bed.] This mess isn't a problem, is it?
Danny : Messy room? A problem for me? No! [He shuts the door.]
Karen: Good, I'll go make some coffee. [And as she does so, he goes to sit on an arm of the sofa but finds out he's sitting on one of her high heels.]
[After the break, Danny tries to straighten up her table before she comes back.]
Karen: [returns with the coffee and cream & sugar] Danny, are you cleaning up my apartment?
Danny: No. I was just looking for your coffee table. Found it. [...]
[They begin kissing, but Danny's eyes open and spot socks on the back of the sofa. He can't help but start rolling them up.]
Karen: [She feels his hands moving behind her.] What are you doing?!
Danny: [drops the sock roll] Nothing.
Karen: [as she picks it up] Danny, you were rolling my socks while we were kissing!
Danny: Alright, it's true. I was making out and folding laundry. Karen, listen to me. I can open a whole new world for you. A wondrous world of mops and brooms and dustbusters, dishes you can see yourself in, tabletops that smell like lemon trees, and toilet water that smells like a Jamaican lagoon!
Karen: [now really freaked out] Danny, you're scaring me [pulls away and stands at a distance].
Danny: Well... Karen, your furniture's under here somewhere! Don't you wonder what it looks like?!
Karen: Isn't there a place you can go for help? ...like 'Over-cleaners Anonymous'!
Danny: Very funny. Maybe we don't have much in common as I thought we did. Maybe I should just go. I'm sorry.
Karen: Me, too.
Karen: Bye. [He exits, leaving behind a still-upset Karen.]
[In the living room:]
D.J.: Please... just tell me where you hid Uncle Jesse's keys, so we can get on with the rest of our lives.
Michelle: I did not hide the keys.
D.J.: I know what'll make you talk. It's time for the tickle rockets [makes 'rockets' launch with her fingers, along with making launching sound, and tickles her sister]. Okay. Now, where are the keys?
Michelle: I don't know. Tickle me again. [And D.J. does.]
Stephanie: [emerges from the kitchen with a sweet treat] Michelle, look what I have.
Michelle: A Popsicle!
Stephanie: Take a lick. [Michelle does so, then Stephanie waves it in front of her face.] You can have the rest when you tell us where the keys are.
Michelle: [as she moves her head with the Popsicle] I don't know. [...]
Joey: [coming through the front door with more cans of sardines for his and Jesse's ad] Hey, Jess, got you more sardines. By the way, you left your keys in the front door.
Jesse: What?! I did not! [Repeatedly...]
Joey: Did too [shows the proof].
[Jesse gasps, pulls the keys out of the lock, coyly looks at Michelle, and waves.] [And she waves back.]
Jesse: [walks over to her] You really didn't take my keys.
Michelle: Told you so.
Jesse: Will you forgive me and still be my best friend?
Michelle: Well, why not? [kisses him on the nose and walks over to Stephanie] Popsicle, please. [Wish granted.]
Joey: So Danny, how'd it go?
Danny: We went out for Chinese food, sang on the ferry, and then went back to her apartment. ... It was then that I realized I had spent the entire day kissing... a slob.
Jesse & Joey: [gasp] No!
Danny: The place was a pigsty! There were clothes everywhere. I thought her hamper exploded. Why is it that every girl I go out with there's something wrong with her? Maybe it's bad luck. Maybe it's fate.
Jesse: Maybe it's you.
Danny: How could it be me?
Joey: Danny, you're making yourself nuts looking for the perfect woman. There’s no such thing as ‛the perfect woman’.
Danny: Yes, there is. I was married to her.
Jesse: Hey, Pam was my sister, and I loved her very, very much. But, come on, man. She was always late, she spent way too much time in the bathroom. When I was little, she used to hold me down and stick carrots up my nose. Trust me, she wasn’t perfect.
Joey: Danny, she seemed perfect to you, because you loved her.
Jesse: Danny, the bottom line is you're afraid to get close to somebody. So you look for something that's wrong in every girl you go out with.
Danny: I do that?
Jesse: Yes, Mr. 'Her earlobes aren't perfect'. I mean, you gotta starting looking for what's right in people. Otherwise, you're gonna miss out on someone who's gonna make your life a whole lot happier. Think about it. Alright, I gotta go to my rehearsal, I'll see you guys. [And as he's about to leave, he reaches into his pocket...] Where are my keys?
Michelle: [holding them up] Right here. Give me a break.
Jesse: How'd you get my keys? [runs over and grabs them from her] Hey, Michelle. Look! Big Bird! [She turns her head, and he takes a bite of her Popsicle.]
[Danny returns to Karen's apartment and knocks on the door and she lets him in.]
Danny: I'm sorry. I came in here before, and I saw this mess, and... [He looks around.] Am I in the right apartment?
Karen: Yes, Danny. Believe it or not, I do know how to clean up.
Danny: Karen, I didn't give you a fair chance. I didn't give us a fair chance.
Karen: Well Danny, it seems you cared more about my mess than me.
Danny: Well, the truth is, I really started to like you, and it scared me. But from now on, I'm gonna be a lot more flexible and more willing to compromise [taking Jesse's cue from "Cutting It Close"]. You're the best thing to happen to me since Spray 'n Wash.
Karen: I take that as a compliment.
Danny: So, will you go out with me again?
Karen: Of course I will.
Danny: You mind if I hug you?
Karen: Go ahead.
[They hug (see infobox photo).]
Danny: I do this a lot. You better get used to it. ... Your place looks so nice.
Karen: Yeah, but I don't know where anything is.
Danny: Well, where'd you put all your stuff?
Karen: [walks over to her wardrobe] Right here [opens it to reveal it is stuffed with her things – mostly clothes].
Danny: Don't worry. I remember where everything goes. [starts taking things out] These magazines, they were right here [tosses them on the floor].
- The episode title likely came from the 1985 film Lust in the Dust
- Karen (Debbie Gregory) also made an appearance in "The Greatest Birthday on Earth" (3.10)
- Song that is played when Stephanie performs her dance routine: "My Prerogative" (1988)
- Karen's "Over-cleaners Anonymous" is a take on "Alcoholics Anonymous"
- The third time that the "dad face" is used (previously seen in "D.J. Tanner's Day Off" [1.22] and "Joey Gets Tough" [2.07])
- The look Jesse, D.J., and Stephanie give Michelle in Jesse's room (see Quotes) is similar to the shot in the Fuller House premiere where the six other family members break the fourth wall after talking about Michelle
- Goof: When Jesse says goodbye to Joey because he has to go to his rehearsal, Jesse has his black bag in his right hand and his keyboard case is in his left, but in the next shot of Jesse, his items are in opposite places