|Season 1, episode 21|
|Air date||April 29, 1988|
|Previous||The Seven-Month Itch (Part 2)|
|Next||D.J. Tanner's Day Off|
Joey enters the house saying that he loves everyone. He also has some really good news: his mother has found an old $5,000 savings bond in his name in her safety deposit box. When he receives the money, he starts spending it on the family. D.J. gets Bruce Springsteen concert tickets, Stephanie a new bicycle, and Michelle a new toy lawnmower.
While Stephanie's trying out her new bike (see Quotes), Jesse and Danny are anxious to know what gifts they will get. Jesse's hoping for a new motorcycle, while Danny already knows what he will get from Joey: $800 in cash, an 11-year-old debt. When Joey's car broke down, Danny lent him that much money to get the car fixed (see Quotes).
Back in the living room, D.J. is curious about Jesse's blue gym bag (right). So much so, she tricks Michelle by dropping a cookie into the bag and having her find it, to which their uncle catches them (see Quotes).
Then, Joey does indeed have presents for Jesse and Danny as well: lifetime passes to the Great American Amusement Park. He then reveals to Danny that he bought a 1964 Gumby & Pokey pinball machine for $1,275 of his $5,000 bond. While Danny appreciates Joey's generosity to the family with the gifts, he does not like Joey's reckless and unnecessary spending – but his main issue is him not paying back the debt he owes (see Quotes).
Speaking of money, Jesse is working as an Elvis impersonator to make extra money so that he and the Rippers can record a demo, but he does not want the family to know. Of course, they do eventually find out (see Quotes). And when Joey sees Jesse in his Elvis jumpsuit, he laughs his head off.
That night, the family goes out to see the show, which opens with a Marilyn Monroe impersonator, followed by Jesse's Elvis act. And as soon as the girls get home, they do their own Elvis impressions (see Quotes). As usual, the fight over Joey's money continues, until Jesse and Marilyn enter the house. Jesse gives them the good news that he can keep the Elvis gig for as long as he wants. Everyone congratulates him, including Marilyn (see Quotes).
The next day, Joey tries to make a ham and cheese sandwich, and it ends up an "epic fail", leaving Danny to teach him how to maturely make one (see Quotes). In any event, he makes two sandwiches: one for Joey and one for himself. Joey insists that Danny is the most predictable person he has ever met. While he can predict Danny's moves (and vice versa), what he did not predict was Danny calling him out for still watching cartoons at the tender age of 30, despite the fact that that is what led to him being a comedian in the first place.
And of course, Joey is still scared to take back the money. Danny calls him for being such a baby, and Joey digs into his "comeback bag" again (see Quotes). And so they decide to settle this dispute just like when they were kids back on June 22, 1979, and arm-wrestle; loser keeps the cash. But before they can do so, Jesse still isn't sure he should take the gig, and they decide he should do it for both money and fun.
Danny and Joey reminisce about their friendship (as the inspirational music plays) and realize that it is their differences that keep them together. Joey realizes Danny was there for the money, and Danny realizes Joey was there for him and the girls. And in the end, the situation between Danny and Joey is also resolved as well. Joey asks Danny to take the money, and Danny finally does and reveals his plans for it, whether his friend likes it or not (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[Jesse is holding a gym bag (right) after entering the house.]
Danny: Jess, for the past five days, you've been sneaking in and out of this house carrying that blue bag, with not one word of explanation.
D.J.: Uncle Jesse, it's driving me crazy. Just answer one question. Where do you go with that blue bag?
Stephanie: Out where?
Jesse: Outside. And that's two questions. Goodbye. [But as he's about to leave, in comes...]
Joey: Hello! [comes in carrying a duffle bag] I love everyone. [pointing to each one] I love you [Jesse] and you [Danny] and you [D.J.] and you [Michelle] and you [Stephanie].
Jesse: [mimicking] 'I love you and you and you.' What's the matter with you?!
Joey: Nothing. I got a call from my mom this morning. She found an old savings bond of mine in her safe deposit box. And I now have 5,000 Founding Fathers (George Washingtons). Yes!
Jesse & D.J.: All right!
Joey: Yeah! Presents for everybody. Danny, get Michelle. [And Danny gets her out of her playpen as Joey reaches into his bag.] Okay, you're first, my little toddlerette. Here you go! A little baby lawn mower. [Michelle smiles and looks up at him.] Oh, mow yourself silly. Now, if you're real good, next year you get the little baby weed whacker. Okay, D.J., you're next. I'm afraid all I have for you is just two brightly colored pieces of paper.
D.J.: Thanks. [turns them over and takes a good look] Oh... thanks! This is so rad! Springsteen tickets! [...]
Stephanie: Me next! Me next!
Joey: [holds her hand and leads her to the door] Well, I'm sorry, Stephanie; but all I have for you is a brand-new bicycle! [She screams with joy as she goes outside.]
Danny: Joey, you really shouldn't have.
Stephanie: Yes, he should! [rides it inside, and Joey carries her (and the bike) over the steps, down to the floor] Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
[In the kitchen, Stephanie is riding her new bike non-stop.]
Joey: Come on, Steph, we'll try it out in the backyard.
Stephanie: I can't stop! Open the door! [He does, just in time for her to safely go outside.]
Joey: Okay, guys, don't go away. You got presents coming too.
Jesse: [as Joey goes outside] All right! [Danny uses tongs to pick up from the countertop what appears to be an apple core and shows it to him.] Thank you. I'm through with that. [He tosses it in the trash.] Man, I hope Joey gets me a new motorcycle. That would be cool.
Danny: I already know what Joey's getting me.
Jesse: What's that?
Danny: Eight hundred dollars in cash.
Jesse: Whoa, nice chunk of change. Why?
Danny: Well, 11 years ago, I loaned Joey $800 to fix his car. But he hasn't had the money to pay me back until now.
Jesse: Better get it fast.
Danny: I don't want Joey's money. The fact that he's finally paying me back is such a beautiful and touching gesture. That's why I'm gonna give the $800 right back to him.
Jesse: Ah, that's the most generous, stupid thing I've heard in my life.
[In the living room...]
D.J.: I don't care what's in the bag. No! I shouldn't do it, should I, Michelle? What if...? Look, Michelle. I've got a cookie. Yeah, you want the cookie? They're yummy. Want some cookie? Yeah. Come get the yummy cookie. [She drops it in the bag.] The cookie accidentally jumped into the bag. Go find it! Unzip the bag, Michelle. Let's see what's in there. Never mind the cookie. Get the zipper open. Let's see what Uncle Jesse's hiding in there. [Voila, the cookie is found.] You found it!
Jesse: [busting both girls on the spot] May I help you?
D.J.: She did it.
Jesse: Shame on you, Michelle. You don't wanna grow up and be a nosy busybody [looking at D.J.], do you? Your punishment is to give me one kiss. Come on, one kiss.
D.J.: Thanks for trying, Michelle.
[Joey reveals to Danny what he bought for himself and its price tag.]
Danny: Joey, this is why you're always broke. Every time you have a nickel, you blow it.
Joey: Hey, come on, lighten up.
Danny: Joey, wait a minute. Have you ever considered doing something with your money besides just throwing it away?
Joey: Like what?
Danny: Like putting it in a savings account. Or buying a T-bill, paying off your old debts, investing in precious metals...
Joey: Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Hold on. Back up. You said old debts. Danny, I don't have any old debts. Be serious. Who'd be stupid enough to lend me money? [He laughs.]
Danny: [laughs, stops, and sighs] Me.
Joey: Oh, yeah. That's a good one. When did I ever borrow money from you?
Danny: [getting in his face and explaining (shown in infobox photo)] Palm Springs. March 12, 1977. Your car blows up... again. As usual, you're broke, so I loan you my last $800.
Joey: Oh, my God. Danny, I completely forgot. Why did you wait 11 years to say something?
Danny: I was gonna give you two more years (meaning he'd wait until 1979).
Danny: Joey, I want you to invest it [the 800 bucks].
Joey: I am. I'm investing it in getting you off my back.
Danny: Off your back?
[In his room, behind the closed door, looking at the Elvis poster on it...]
Jesse: [in Elvis impersonator mode] Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. You're a beautiful audience.
D.J.: [knocking on the door] Uncle Jesse.
Jesse: [Elvis voice:] Hold your horses, mama. [normal voice] I mean, hold on. [He rushes to his closet to grab his robe and puts it on over the jumpsuit.]
Stephanie: I've got something to tell you.
Jesse: Hold on, please. Please, hold on. ... Come in.
Stephanie: [entering] Wanna come see me do my [sees what he's wearing] show-and-tell?
Jesse: Girls, I'm very busy. May I help you?
Danny: Jesse, can I talk to you about--? [He sees how he's dressed] ... Jesse?
Danny: What's under your robe?
Jesse: Daniel, you're entitled to know a lot of things about my life, but what a man has under his robe is his own business. [Danny pulls open the robe] Don't be cruel.
Danny: You're right. What a man has under his robe is none of my business.
D.J.: This is so cool! I should have looked in that bag sooner.
Jesse: All right. [to Danny] Sit down. I'm doing this tribute to the King. The show is called "Rock & Roll Heaven." I'm trying to save up money. I got some new songs. I wanna make demos. It's only for a week. I'm doing it tonight and that's the last night.
[The family comes home from Jesse's Elvis gig.]
Danny: Girls, wasn't your Uncle Jesse great?
[Stephanie and D.J. enter and do their own Elvis impersonations, singing "Heartbreak Hotel".]
D.J.: Thank you, thank you very much. You're a beautiful audience [including the sneer].
Danny: Okay, it's time for all junior 'Elvi' to say 'goodnight'.
D.J. & Stephanie: [as they head upstairs to get ready for bed...] Thank you. You're a beautiful audience. Thank you very much.
D.J.: Elvis has left the living room.
[Jesse enters with "Marilyn Monroe".]
Jesse: Guys, I'd like you to meet, uh... I'm sorry. I didn't catch your real name. What is it?
Jesse: There's a coincidence for ya. Marilyn, this is Larry; this is Moe; and the little one's Curly (see Trivia). [Joey kisses her hand.] Get this, the show offered the job as Elvis for as long as I want, or until I dislocate my hips [the Elvis jive].
Joey: [to Marilyn] By the way, I loved your work in Some Like It Hot.
Marilyn: I'm terribly sorry, but I've got to go now.
Jesse: Thank you for stopping by, Marilyn.
Marilyn: Hey, are you going to call me?
Jesse: Yes, Marilyn.
Marilyn: Okay. It's in the book... under M-O-N-R-O-E [gives him a kiss on the lips before exiting].
Jesse: ["all shook up"] That's M-R-N-O-E-O-E?
[In the kitchen, Joey is trying to make a sandwich, but Danny just wants him to take the dough!]
Joey: Will you stop bothering me? I am trying to make a sandwich. I need a knife. Knife. Knife. [He finds the one he was just using in the sink water, gets it out, and wipes it on his pants!]
Danny: Joey, allow me to demonstrate how a mature adult constructs a sandwich.
Joey: Okay. Go for it, Mr. 'Adult'.
Danny: First, my friend, we start with a clean knife. [He takes one out.] We take two slices of bread. On the left slice, mayonnaise. Mmm. On the right slice, mustard.
Joey: I'll bet you'll get another knife.
Danny: Have to. Another clean knife. [He does just that.] And then the mustard, we paint it on. Now it's time for the ham and cheese. And we alternate ham... cheese... ham... cheese. So that in every bite, we have an equal amount of ham and cheese.
Joey: You don't need therapy, do you?
Danny: Is that supposed to be funny?
Joey: I knew you'd say that. [...] I know everything you're gonna say even before you say it.
Danny & Joey: Oh, do you?
Joey: See? You are so paint-by-the-numbers that even if the slightest little thing falls out of place, you can't handle it.
Danny & Joey: That's not true.
Danny: Smiles are great, but you are almost 30 years old, and you still watch cartoons. It's like living with Pee-wee Herman.
Joey: Well, sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.
[Both go down to Joey's room to settle the dispute this episode's all about.]
Danny: Joey. Take this [the money]. [He tosses it Joey's way, and Joey ducks out and puts his fingers in an 'X' sign to indicate he doesn't want it.] You are such a baby.
Joey: [doing Pee-Wee Herman voice] I know you are, but what am I?
[Then, Jesse comes down and puts a stop to their fight.]
Jesse: Guys... guys... Fall in! There's something a little more important than what you're arguing about... Me. Fellas, I'm confused. I don't know whether or not to take this Elvis gig. I think I should probably concentrate on my own music; don't you?
Danny: I think you should take the job. You need the money for your demo tape.
Joey: Jess, the only reason you should listen to him is if you lost a mitten when you were 4. As for the job, hey, I saw you out there tonight. You were singing songs that you love, just having a blast. That's why you should do it, for fun.
Danny: You know, that was good advice you gave Jesse.
Joey: Thanks. I thought yours was great too.
Danny: I think we really helped him.
Joey: Yeah, it's because we make a great team.
Danny: I guess that's why we've stayed friends for 19 years... four months, and three days... because maybe I'm a little... square.
Joey: And I'm a little goofy.
[Danny has plans for the repaid debt, whether his friend likes it or not.]
Danny: I'm buying you a savings bond [or rather, another savings bond] and a closet organizer.
Joey: No, you're not.
Danny: It's my money now.
- The Season 1 DVD has an option where viewers can watch this episode with commentary by Jeff Franklin
- Between taping the previous episode and this episode, John Stamos had cut his hair short; he would wear a mullet wig for the final two episodes of the season and into the season two premiere
- The audience elicits an "Eww!" when Joey puts the used knife into the mayonnaise jar
- The first episode to deal with money management
- Jesse introduces Danny as Larry, Joey as Moe, and Michelle as Curly – as in The Three Stooges (see Quotes)
- The songs that Jesse sings as an Elvis impersonator are: