|Misadventures in Babysitting|
|Season 3, episode 14|
|Air date||January 12, 1990|
|Writer(s)||Shari Scharfer & Julie Strassman|
|Previous||No More Mr. Dumb Guy|
|Next||Lust in the Dust|
In the living room, Joey shows a sunglasses-wearing Michelle a sunglasses-wearing plant that dances to music, and she responds, "No way, José!" To demonstrate, he turns on his boombox, and the plant starts dancing. Michelle brings a potted plant over to join the dancing plant, but it being a potted plant and all, it's stationary. She tells the plant, "Hey you, wake up!" and Joey replies, "I think he's a wallflower," but he makes it dance, nonetheless.
D.J. wants her own phone line because there is only one in a house with five other people. She hogs the phone, talking to Kimmy, and when Kimmy comes over with her own wireless phone, and Danny sees that the two are still on their phones with each other in the same room (right), he tells them to hang up. Kimmy informs him of what it would take to install a second line. He tells D.J. that he is not willing to give it to her, so she says that she is willing to pay for it herself, by earning the money babysitting. Kimmy says that she could babysit Brian Kagan, a little terror who really takes a toll on her. He tries everything he can to get his own way. He tosses a vase in order to break it and pin the blame on her (but she manages to catch it), then steals her purse and threatens to drop it in the fish tank (unless she shaves her head). Kimmy arrives to see how it is going. She threatens to kiss him unless he drops the purse. He does so and then escapes upstairs, confirming the girls' fears that their troubles are not over just yet (see Quotes).
With D.J. out babysitting, Stephanie becomes Michelle's babysitter. All attempts fail until Michelle tries to hide in the laundry basket and cover herself up in an attempt to make Stephanie believe she's disappeared. But Stephanie sees right through this and literally has to drag the laundry basket—and Michelle—out of the kitchen and upstairs to bed.
The guys are playing poker, and the subject comes up about how Jesse and Becky can't agree on where they are going to spend Christmas this year. Jesse wants to it to be in Memphis (because Graceland is there) but Rebecca wants it to be in Nebraska with her family. They later decide to compromise and spend Christmas in Rebecca's hometown and New Year's in Tennessee.
During their game, Michelle walks downstairs and sees them playing. Stephanie follows, and she explains to Danny that she can't get her younger sister to go to bed, even after asking her directly. So it's up to Jesse to get her to sleep (see Quotes). The trick works, and Stephanie escorts Michelle back upstairs to bed again.
Meanwhile, Brian, squirting off his water gun in a last-ditch effort to thwart off his enemies, ends up getting his head stuck in the railing of the stairs in his house, and D.J. and Kimmy butter his head in an effort to get him out, but it fails.
Danny leaves the poker game when D.J. calls him about it. He arrives just in the nick of time, helps get Brian's head out of the railing by sawing off a piece of it, and decides to let D.J. have her own phone line because she did the right thing by calling him for help when she needed it, instead of trying to handle the situation on her own, as she has in the past.
The next day, as the roommates are doing their homework, D.J.'s phone rings, and on the other end is Danny, and he has a surprise for her, but it is one that is obvious by now: he is calling her on her very own phone line!
Danny, of course, reminds his oldest daughter she needs to hold her end of the bargain if he holds his (see Quotes). But just as she receives what she thinks is her first phone call on the new phone line, the phone call instead goes to Stephanie, as her friend Walter is on the other end. Of course, D.J. is suspicious because Stephanie says that she did keep the new number a secret – from her. Stephanie can only blab to Walter on D.J.'s phone (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[As D.J. heads upstairs to continue her phone call with Kimmy, Stephanie grabs the phone.]
Stephanie: This is the major pain speaking. How rude!
[In the kitchen, Joey is getting ready for poker night.]
Joey: Alright Steph, D.J.'s babysitting tonight so you're in charge of putting Michelle to sleep.
Stephanie: Okay, Michelle, it's time to put on your pajamas and go to bed.
Michelle: I'm not sleepy. [She opens her eyes wide – even using her hands.] See?
Stephanie: I have an idea. Let's go upstairs and play Sleeping Beauty.
Michelle: How do you play that?
Stephanie: Well, uh, you go to sleep, and that's the beauty of it.
Michelle: I'm staying here. [She crawls under the table.]
Stephanie: If you go to sleep, I'll give you a cookie.
Michelle: I already have one [pulling it out of her pocket].
Stephanie: I'm coming in after you. [But her sister runs over to the laundry basket...] Michelle, get back here. I don't have time to play games. [...and covers herself up (almost) with a blanket.] That's it. You're going to bed, young lady. [She drags the basket (with Michelle in it) out of the room.]
Michelle: [waving] Bye-bye, Joey. Bye-bye.
[Brian's parents go out for the night, and leave him with his babysitter.]
D.J.: Hi, Brian.
Brian: Hi, D.J. I hear it's your first time babysitting.
D.J.: No, that's not true. I babysit Michelle all the time.
Brian: [sneeringly] Well, this will be different.
D.J.: Brian, let's be friends, alright?
Brian: Give me half the money you're making off me, and maybe I'll be your friend.
D.J.: Not a prayer! I'm saving up for my own phone.
[After the break, D.J. is chasing her worst nightmare all around his house for her purse.]
D.J.: Give me my purse back! Come here, you little mutant!
Brian: Do what I say or your purse goes into the fish tank.
D.J.: Forget it, Brian. I am not shaving my head.
[Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.]
Brian: Who's that?
D.J.: I hope it's the police. [She goes to the door.] Who is it?
Kimmy: [from outside] It's me. [D.J. unlocks and opens the door, and indeed it's Kimmy.] Hi, Deej. How's it going?
Brian: Oh, no! Not Kimmy Gobbler!
D.J.: He's got my purse. What do I do?
Kimmy: Watch this. [to Brian] Alright, chump. Drop the purse right now or I'm gonna kiss you.
Brian: Yuck! [He has no choice but to do so, and Kimmy catches it in her hands and gives it back to her best friend.]
Kimmy: Not very flattering, but it works.
Brian: You haven't seen the last of me!
D.J.: Kimmy, why didn't you tell me this kid was a baby Godzilla?
[Michelle heads down to the kitchen and interrupts their poker game.]
Michelle: Hi, boys. What's happening?
Jesse: Hey, Michelle, how you doing?
Stephanie: Dad, she won't listen to me. Watch. Michelle, go to bed. [But her sister just sticks her tongue out at her.]
Jesse: Michelle, it's time to go night-night. We're all going sleepy. Right, fellas? Come on.
Joey: That's right, Michelle, look. [Everyone except the poker buddies put their heads on the table.]
Jesse: Fellas? Sleepy [then the others follow along].
Stephanie: See? Everybody's sleeping.
Michelle: Where are their pajamas?
Stephanie: Under their clothes. Come on, let's go. [with Michelle] Shh. [And back upstairs they go.]
Danny: Jess, I've been a pretty regular guy tonight, wouldn't you say?
Jesse: Yes. Actually, I'm quite proud of you.
Danny: In that case, there's something I'd like to say before I leave. [turns to Steve] You, sir, are a chimney! Not only are you ruining your own health, you are ruining the health of innocent people all around you. [turns to Paul] And you, sir? You should take a drive through a car wash without your car.
Danny: Brian, sticking your head through these railings was a very dangerous thing to do. I'm gonna have you out in a minute, okay? So don't move.
Brian: Where am I going?
D.J.: I'm sorry, Dad. I really blew it. I guess I'm not ready for babysitting... or my own phone... or anything.
Danny: It so happens I'm very proud of you.
D.J.: [surprised] You are?
Brian: [also surprised] You are?
Danny: Yeah. D.J., sometimes when you've been in trouble before, you've tried to handle the situation yourself and you ended up making things worse. But tonight, you showed good judgment and you asked for help right away. That's exactly what a good babysitter would do.
[D.J. & Stephanie are doing their homework in their room, when D.J.'s phone rings.]
D.J.: Dad, where are you?
[That question is answered pronto, as her dad enters the room.]
Danny: I'm right here, Deej.
D.J.: How can you be calling me on the same line?
Danny: Maybe because I just called you on your very own phone number!
D.J.: [screams excitedly as she hugs him] I got a phone! I got a phone! Oh, thank you, Dad. You're the greatest. What's my new number?
D.J.: How do you know my number?
Stephanie: Dad told me this morning. I kept it a secret all day. I'm exhausted.
Danny: Remember, you can have the phone as long as you can pay for it – but I don't want babysitting to take away from your schoolwork.
D.J.: No problem.
Danny: Ah, your own phone. My little girl is growing up. You know, one day that phone's gonna ring, and it's gonna be a boy calling. With any luck, it will be a dentist boy or a doctor boy. Then one day, that boy's gonna come to me and he's gonna say, 'Mr. Tanner, sir, you have the most beautiful, most wonderful daughter in the whole world. You must be one heck of a dad!'
D.J.: Dad, sometimes you're so corny. But you are one heck of a dad!
- The first episode where Kimmy takes her shoe off, and thus, her foot odors are exposed
- The first time both older girls are babysitters, and the first time Stephanie babysits Michelle by herself
- The second time Kimmy is addressed as "Kimmy Gobbler" (the first being last season's "Tanner vs. Gibbler")
- DJ's new phone number is 555-8722.
- The episode title is a reference to the film Adventures in Babysitting
- The first of 2 episodes to air in 1990, but tape in 1989 (hence the 'MCMLXXXIX' copyright date, instead of 'MCMXC'); the second being "13 Candles"