|My Left Foot and Right Foot|
|Season 8, episode 15|
|Air date||January 31, 1995|
|Previous||Super Bowl Fun Day|
The girls head off to Bayview mall to get some shoes (see Synopsis and #Quotes).
When Michelle goes to get new shoes during a trip to the mall with her sisters, she’s pleased when the salesman tells her that she has healthy feet. However, she grows worried, to the point of having an extreme nightmare, after being teased by D.J., Stephanie and Kimmy Gibbler when they tell her that her feet will grow at an alarming rate (see Opening Teaser and Quotes).
In Michelle's nightmare, she dreams that she has to go to clown school and that her feet won't stop growing, which scares her. Joey insists that the family tickle Michelle's feet to keep them from growing larger. When the nightmare ends, she finds that her feet are giant again and starts screaming (see infobox photo and Trivia). Stephanie wakes her up and Michelle insists that her feet are still giant, but in reality they aren't; as Stephanie explains she was just eating cookies in bed. She assures her sister that she's fine, but Michelle insists she's not and is "a big foot freak".
Later, Danny explains to D.J. and Stephanie that teasing is not only hurtful, but it can blow things out of proportion for a little kid. D.J. and Stephanie apologize to Michelle. Danny explains how he was called "freckle-shins" because when he grew, his pants did not; so there was a huge gap between the socks and the bottom of the pants. Then Joey says that he was called "tow-head" (thinking it was "toe-head") as he says his head was shaped like a toe. To which Danny explains that "tow-headed" is an expression describing kids with blond hair, something the girls are also able to relate to.
Also, when everyone finds out that Michelle has been using shrink-wrap and a bucket of ice water in an effort to shrink her feet (per her friend Lisa's advice), D.J. and Stephanie are the first to discover this and are completely shocked (see Quotes).
Meanwhile, Jesse is shocked when Becky takes it upon herself to sing Nicky and Alex asleep. It was a ritual formed by Danny, Joey and Jesse for Michelle, and now they’re doing it for the twins. However, Becky can’t sing, so Jesse takes it upon himself to teach her when Danny and Joey express annoyance at her impeding on their fun. Becky is shocked when Jesse comes out with the truth, and Jesse learns something when he notices the twins asking her to sing to them.
[The opening teaser: The girls are at the mall and enter a shoe store.]
D.J.: [inhales deeply through her nose] Ahh, I love the smell of a shoe sale in the morning.
Stephanie: Yeah, a store full of shoes and Dad's credit card. It's like winning the lottery.
Salesman: Hi, ladies. Can I help you?
Michelle: Yeah, I need some new shoes. It's getting kinda crowded down here. [...]
Kimmy: Actually, we're all looking to spruce up the ol' dogs. [She takes off her shoe, and the salesman backs away in disgust. He goes and finds an 'Unwanted' poster and compares the mugshot shown on it with Kimmy's face.] [...]
Stephanie: Those 'dogs' need to be put to sleep. [...]
Salesman: [measuring Michelle's feet] Size 13. My, my. For a little girl, you have, shall we say, very healthy feet [goes to find shoes].
Michelle: He said, I have healthy feet.
Stephanie: That's just a nice way of saying 'big'. You've grown two sizes this year.
Michelle: Is that a lot?
Kimmy: Not for Bigfoot.
Stephanie: Looks like all your little piggies went to market, and stopped off at the Sizzler on the way home! [The girls laugh.]
D.J.: Look at the bright side, Michelle: By the time you get to high school, you'll be able to water-ski without skis! [The girls laugh again.]
Michelle: My feet aren't that big.
Stephanie: Oh, yeah? Uh, excuse me. [finding an enormous sneaker] Do you have this for Michelle... in a larger size? [And the girls laugh again.]
[In Stephanie and her room, Michelle is sitting on her bed, reading "The Children's Book of World Records" (see Trivia). Comet sits nearby.]
Michelle: Comet, this book has all the world records in it. Biggest head...biggest ears... here it is! Biggest feet! Oh no! [She shows Comet the picture.] That's what I'm gonna look like someday.
[And the picture also scares Comet to the point that he runs out of the room as Stephanie comes in.]
Stephanie: Hey, Michelle. [And that causes Michelle to quickly shut the book (and not just literally, either).] Hmm, Children's Book of World Records? Whatcha reading about?
Michelle: [trying to keep her feet issue a secret] Uh, the world's biggest.... tomato!
Stephanie: How big is it?
Michelle: Too big.
Stephanie: By now it's probably a case of ketchup/catsup!
[While Michelle is sleeping, she squirms in her bed, as she has a nightmare, starting with flashbacks from the teaser (including the older girls repeatedly chanting "Bigfoot"), then segues into a real nightmare, where she comes home dressed as a clown.]
Michelle: [walking into the kitchen] That carpool is getting ridiculous. 20 clowns in one Volkswagen.
Joey: Well, you must've had a nice day; you're smiling.
Michelle: How many times do I have to tell you? [She pops off her clown nose (with the appropriate sound)...] It's painted on. [...and throws it, causing a boing sound as it bounces. She then sits down.] Uncle Jesse, can you help me with these shoes?
Jesse: I don't know whether to use a shoe horn or the jaws of life. You ready? 1, 2, 3! [He undoes the Velcro straps, pulls the shoes off, and is shocked at the sight of her huge feet.] Have mercy!
Becky: Michelle, those puppies are getting huge! What are you using: Desenex or Miracle-Gro?
[She goes over to talk to Danny, but accidentally steps on Joey's foot.]
Joey: Ow! Michelle! You gotta put a "Wide Load" sign on those babies!
Michelle: Sorry. Daddy, why can't I go to back to school?
Danny: [as he carries her back over to the chair] Aw, honey, we talked about this before. The last time you were there, you played hopscotch and squished the janitor.
Stephanie: And I don't have to remind you about that near-fatal Hokey Pokey accident.
Joey: Yeah, you put your left foot in and you took everybody out.
Nicky: Let's take a ride on Michelle's feet.
D.J.: Sorry, boys. Last time, you slipped between her toes and got lost. [...]
[Then, Michelle's feet start growing again.]
Danny: They're outta control! Run for your lives! [And they all do just that as Joey motions everyone out of the kitchen and into the living room. Stephanie carries Alex, and D.J. carries Nicky. Once they're out, one of Michelle's feet sticks out the door.] Joey, do something!
Joey: I know, let's tickle it! [And everyone, including Kimmy, do just that; as Michelle laughs.]
Jesse: All right, boys. It's time to go to sleep. But first, we got a special treat for you.
Danny: Guys, we used to do this for Michelle when she was your age.
Joey: And the tradition continues. Lullabies: the next generation.
Jesse: All right, gentlemen. Start your vocal chords. [singing] Hello.
Jesse, Joey & Danny: [harmonizing] Hello.
[Michelle is soaking her feet in a bucket of ice water by her bed, as Lisa watches.]
Michelle: [shivering] Are they s-s-s-s-smaller?
Lisa: No, but they're bluer.
[D.J. and Stephanie enter the room and are completely shocked at what they see.]
D.J.: Michelle, what are you doing?
Stephanie: That's ice water.
Michelle: [shivering] D-d-d-d-duh.
D.J.: What are you doing, making a bunion Slurpee (see Trivia)? Get outta there.
Michelle: No, I'm not d-d-done.
[They all overlap each other, as D.J. lifts her out and Stephanie helps by holding Michelle's elbow with her right hand and gripping her arm with her left. Her older sister grips the body to keep her from getting back in.]
D.J.: Yes, you are. You need to get out.
Stephanie: Michelle, get out of there.
D.J.: No, Michelle.
Stephanie: I can't believe you're gonna freeze your feet off!
D.J.: [loudly, as she points to Michelle's feet] Yeah! You're gonna freeze your feet off!
[Then Joey and Danny come in, hearing the commotion.]
Danny: [loudly] OK, OK, OK! [normal voice] Go to your neutral corners, please. [He separates them, and picks Michelle up and sets her on her bed.]
Joey: Oh, that's where all the ice went. I'm over here having a nice warm sarsaparilla [takes some ice out of the tub and puts it in his drink].
Stephanie: Dad, Michelle was soaking her feet in ice water. [Hearing that causes Joey to spit out his drink.]
- The episode title is a play on the 1989 film My Left Foot, which won two Academy Awards
- Michelle's book, "Children's Book of World Records", is not a real book, but there is a book entitled Guinness World Records Kids
- The name of the bedtime song is "House at Pooh Corner" by Kenny Loggins
- Stephanie makes a reference to the nursery rhyme “This Little Piggy” after the shoe salesman tells Michelle that she has “healthy feet”
- Considered by Candace Cameron Bure and Jodie Sweetin to be their favorite episode of the series
- The fifth episode to have the teaser tied to the main plot (the others being: "13 Candles", "Greek Week", "A Very Tanner Christmas", and "Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen")
- Kimmy calling Michelle "Pauleen Bunion" is a reference to Paul Bunyan
- D.J. asking Michelle if she is "making a bunion Slurpee" by soaking her feet in ice water is a reference to the 7-Eleven slushy drink
- The harmonizing the guys do in the first scene (see Quotes) is similar to when they dressed up like The Three Stooges in the opening teaser in "It's Not My Job" (2.3)
- At the end of the credits, during the last still (Michelle screaming at her big feet while in bed during her nightmare [see Infobox]), when the instrumental theme song ends and prior to the Warner Bros. Television/Domestic Television Distribution logo(s), there's a sound byte of Michelle's scream
- In this episode, Jesse has to give Becky singing lessons and sounds bad, but in "Our Very First Telethon" (3.24), Danny and Becky do a duet and she sings well, and also in "The Wedding (Part 2)" (4.19) when she and the choir sing “Forever” with Jesse, she does well