|Ol' Brown Eyes|
|Season 4, episode 15|
|Air date||January 11, 1991|
|Writer(s)||Ellen Guylas & Boyd Hale|
|Next||Stephanie Gets Framed|
Danny and Joey are playing Go Fish, when Michelle shows them her skipping abilities as she sings (see Trivia). Danny praises her, but he notices that one of her feet did not join in the skipping, so he demonstrates the proper way to do it. But Joey says that Danny skips like the Tin Man, and asks him to "put some oil in those joints". They all try it when Jesse comes downstairs, and they explain the situation to him. He tells his "little Munchkin" that if she wants to be hip, "skip the skipping. Work on the strut." As he shows her, she follows suit.
D.J. organizes a sold-out benefit concert at The Smash Club to raise money for a new computer for her school, and Danny will be the host of the benefit show. She quickly arranges for Jesse and Joey to lend their musical and comedic talents to the event, and the speed of those decisions is not lost on Danny. Feeling that he is not the kind of "cool dad" that D.J. might respect more at her age, Danny wants to sing a song at the benefit in order to prove to D.J. that he is cool.
Meanwhile, Michelle has learned to play the game hot and cold. However, she takes it too far when she hides Becky's wedding ring (which Jesse had given to Joey in order to send it to an engraver) in a cookie jar. Joey must find it, unaware that Jesse has already found it. He also wants Elvis lyrics inscribed until Joey tells him how they charge. On top of that, Becky then wants to take Jesse out for a day of "no-whining" tuxedo shopping (see Quotes).
Upstairs, Joey asks Stephanie if she knows where Jesse's wedding ring is, and she doesn't know either. But when Michelle tries to play hot and cold with him, he figures that she is the culprit (see Quotes).
Thinking that it would make him look cool, Danny does a dress rehearsal for the fundraiser wearing a rock star-type outfit: a heavy-metal T-shirt, leather jacket and pants, and sunglasses (see infobox photo). Jesse does not think that look is right for him. And when D.J. comes home from school with Kimmy while he is performing with Jesse and the Rippers, she is not happy to hear that he wants to sing like that (see Quotes).
Danny and Jesse go into the kitchen and talk about their own experiences as teenagers, and both feel the same way D.J. does now. Danny then heads upstairs to talk to D.J., while Jesse heads over to the cookie jar on the kitchen table, and when he opens it up, inside is the long-lost wedding ring.
Upstairs, Kimmy is shocked that D.J. will not attend the benefit concert that she organized herself. And as he enters, Danny asks for a minute alone with his oldest daughter, so her best friend leaves for a minute or two. D.J. then points out she overheard his conversation with Jesse downstairs. But even though Danny tells her that he won't be singing after all, now she feels guilty for hurting his feelings. As he leaves and opens the door, what he does not know is that Kimmy eavesdropped in on their conversation.
In the kitchen, the hot-and-cold game continues, but it is not a game for Joey. Michelle leads Joey to the cookie jar, where she thinks he has found the ring. But, the only "ring" is a cookie with a hole in the center, which she really wants, but he is not giving it to her until she reveals the location of the real ring. She insists that it is in the cookie jar, but he tells her it is not there. They then change to the follow the leader game. Jesse enters and figures that they are looking for the ring. (see Quotes).
As the family also attends the benefit concert that night at the Smash Club, D.J. apologizes to Danny, and tells him to "bust a move". He does a good job of it, and D.J. smiles proudly and gives him a hug, and everyone else heads out to sing and dance on the floor (as the song plays out, the audience applauds, and the EP credits appear).
[In the kitchen, Stephanie teaches Michelle a game. Michelle has her eyes covered as Stephanie hides her doll.]
Stephanie: Okay, Michelle. We're playing the Hot and Cold game. Try and find your doll.
[Michelle walks all around.] You're cold. You're getting colder. [But Michelle's too busy walking towards the kitchen table where the cookie jar sits.] You're a Popsicle. You're a Popsicle at the North Pole. [But she's still not listening.] Michelle, the colder you are, the further you are from the thing you're looking for.
Michelle: I know how to play. I just want a cookie. [She opens the jar and finds a cookie or two, as Stephanie just sighs and rolls her eyes.] Now, where were we?
[Jesse and Joey walk downstairs, as Jesse asks Joey a favor.]
Jesse: Joey, I gotta rehearse with the band. Can you take Becky's wedding ring down to the engraver?
Joey: Sure, no problem.
Jesse: Took me a week, but I found the perfect inscription: 'Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you.'
Joey: Jess, just so you know: They charge by the letter.
Jesse: Okay. Why don't we just make it 'Love Me Tender'?
[Becky and Danny enter the living room.]
Becky: Hey, Jess. [She gives her fiance a kiss.] Are you ready for a day of 'no-whining' tuxedo shopping?
Jesse: [whining] I told you, I already found the perfect tuxedo!
Becky: And I told you, I am not marrying a man wearing a tuxedo with a leather cobra on the back!
[Jesse allows D.J.'s concert to be at The Smash Club.]
Jesse: The Smash Club's all yours. Just gotta get everyone out of there by 9:00, because they have to bring in the mud-wrestling pit.
Joey: Aw, they got rid of the Jell-O?!
[While all the grown-ups are proud of D.J. putting together a fundraiser, Danny's the proudest.]
Danny: Deej, come here. I gotta tell how proud of you I am for putting together this little fundraiser for your school newspaper. It seems like only yesterday when I was powdering your little tushie.
D.J.: [noticing all the others] Dad, please!
Danny: Sorry. [He then picks a piece of lint off her sweater.]
D.J.: Dad, please don't pick my lint.
Danny: Sorry again [and puts it back on].
D.J.: Oh, Dad? When you're introducing Jesse and Joey up there, try to keep it short and simple. We want to pack in as much entertainment as we can.
Danny: I'll try not to get in all the fun.
D.J.: Oh, and Dad? Please don't mention my tushie in public.
Danny: I'm getting a vibe that D.J. doesn't think I'm all that groovy.
Joey, Jesse & Becky: [sarcastically] No!
Danny: Yeah, it's a real mind-blower. I just wanna show D.J. how hip and cool I am.
Joey: You don't have to be hip and cool. You're Spic and Span.
[Michelle enters the living room.]
Michelle: Who wants to play 'hot and cold'? [They all groan at it and leave.] I heard that.
Joey: I gotta go work on my act.
Becky: I gotta rip the cobra off Jesse's tux.
Jesse: I gotta stop her.
Danny: I gotta get down and get funky.
[After the coast is clear, she finds Jesse's wedding ring.]
Michelle: They'll wanna find this! Ha ha. [And she takes it with her to hide it.]
[In her room, Stephanie is having some fun with Comet before she starts her homework. She first plays a game of catch with him.]
Stephanie: Good boy, Comet. You're such a smart dog [pets him]. Up on the bed. You can help me with my homework. [He hops onto her bed and she uses him as a "pillow" as she starts her homework.] Thanks, Comet.
Joey: [comes in and frantically asks:] Steph, please tell me you know where Jesse's wedding ring is.
Stephanie: I would if I could, but I can't.
Joey: I'm supposed to take it to the engraver, and I can't find it. Jesse's gonna kill me.
Stephanie: Ooh, I can just see that vein in his forehead throbbing, his neck turning red, his eyes bugging out! Can I be there when I tell him you lost it?
Michelle: [now enters] Who wants to play hot and cold?
Joey: Not now, Michelle. I have to find Jesse's wedding ring.
Michelle: You're very cold.
Joey: You took Jesse's wedding ring?
Michelle: You're getting warmer. [He glares at her, but all she can do is giggle.]
[Jesse & the Rippers are preparing for their rehearsal in the living room.]
Jesse: Alright, guys, I know it's a drag having to play at a junior high school fundraiser; but the good news is, you're not getting paid, either [to which they grumble].
Danny: I never told you this, but I used to sing with The Partridge Family.
Jesse: You did?
Danny: Yeah... until my mom made me shut it off and do my homework [at which point the drummer does a rimshot/cymbal crash].
[Danny and Jesse & the Rippers are rehearsing in the living room when D.J. and Kimmy enter the house.]
D.J.: [shocked at what she sees] Dad, what are you doing?
Danny: Oh, I’m, uh... I’m busting a move... and my shoulder. Ooh.
Jesse: [takes microphone from him] Give me that.
Danny: Honey, I wanted to surprise you. I’m gonna sing this at your fundraiser.
D.J.: You were gonna do that in public? All my friends will be there.
Kimmy: You mean your former friends.
Jesse: All right now, girls. [to D.J.] Your dad has a very good voice... just need to tie him down to a chair. That’s all.
D.J.: Dad, you can’t do this to me. I’ll never be able to show my face in school again.
[After embarrassing D.J., Jesse and Danny feel they need a minute alone in the kitchen.]
Jesse: You alright?
Danny: Oh, Jess, who am I trying to kid? This isn't the real me. [He takes the jacket off, and then looks down at the skull T-shirt.] This isn't the real me, either. [He wants to take that off too, but...]
Jesse: Whoa, oh, oh! I don't want to see the real you.
Danny: You know, I thought singing that song ["My Generation"] would show D.J. that I could be cool.
Jesse: Ah, don't feel bad. When you're 14, your dad's never cool.
Danny: You know, that's true. I remember when I was a kid; I was playing football with all my friends. My dad came out. Guess he wanted to prove he was one of the guys. He threw me a pass; all I could think was 'Oh, no! My dad throws like a girl!'
Jesse: Ah, you know, when you're a teenager, things so much worse than they really are, you know?
Danny: No, my dad really threw like a girl. The pass only made it about halfway. I had to tell my friends he hurt his arm in the war.
Jesse: So, now you know how D.J. feels. I mean, can you imagine if your dad made that sissy throw in front of the whole school?
Danny: Yeah, but what I'm doing isn't nearly as bad as what he did to me. [Until Jesse gestures about the shirt.] You're right; it's worse. At least my dad never wore a grinning skull.
[As he heads upstairs to talk to his daughter, his brother-in-law locates the lost-long wedding ring in the cookie jar.]
[In D.J. and Stephanie's room:]
Kimmy: D.J., how can you not go tonight? You organized the whole fundraiser.
D.J.: Hey, if anyone wonders why I'm not there, they'll stop wondering once they hear my dad sing.
[And speak of...]
Danny: D.J., can I speak to you... alone?
Kimmy: Oh, that's OK, Mr. T. Anything you can say to D.J., you can say in front of me.
Danny: OK... D.J., how can we get Kimmy out of the room?
Kimmy: Five bucks works in my house. [He gives her a not-so-happy look.] That's OK. You've got enough problems. [And she leaves, and he closes the door.]
[After Danny assures D.J. about not singing at her fundraiser tonight...]
D.J.: Dad, I appreciate what you were gonna do. But, I appreciate even more that you're not gonna do it.
Danny: Hey, it's my pleasure. I'm happy. 'Cause now I can get out of these leather pants and into some ointment. [And as he exits and opens the door, Kimmy is holding a glass to her ear.] Kimmy, aren't you embarrassed to have a glass at your ear?
Kimmy: Well, if you could speak a little louder, I could hear without it. And on behalf of Van Atta Junior High, thanks for not singing. [She hands him the glass as he leaves and heads downstairs.] Alright, Deej! You don't have to change schools!
D.J.: Yeah, great... I feel really guilty about hurting my dad's feelings.
Kimmy: It could be worse.
D.J.: Really? How?
[Kimmy does her impression of Danny singing "My Generation".]
[In the kitchen, Joey and Michelle play 'follow the leader' to find Becky's (future) wedding ring, as Jesse comes in.]
Jesse: What are you guys doing?
Joey: [bumping his head under the table] Ow! Hi, Jess. We're just playing 'follow the leader'.
Jesse: Oh, yeah? Looks like you were looking for something.
Joey: We weren't looking for anything.
Michelle: We were looking for a ring.
Joey: Thanks for reminding me, Michelle. I plum forgot.
Jesse: What ring? Would it happen to be this ring [showing the wedding ring in its case]?
Joey: [he and Jesse have a fake laugh-fest] Where'd you find it?
Jesse: [as he angrily snaps the case shut] In the cookie jar.
Michelle: [to Joey] That's what I told you. [She reaches into his sweater's pocket for the cookie.] Maybe next time, you'll listen. [She leaves with cookie still in hand.]
[At the fundraiser:]
Danny: Well, that's our show for tonight. Let's hear it for Jesse and the Rippers! [applause] And our guest comedian Joey Gladstone! [Joey stands at his table and does his "cut it out" silently.] Well, it's almost 9:00. I can see the man with the mud [for mud wrestling], and that can only mean one thing: time for bingo. [Nobody laughs at his joke.] Well... I don't wanna embarrass anybody, but I think we should thank the person who put together this fundraiser. Let's hear it for D.J. Tanner. [applause as the spotlight turns on her] Come on up, honey! [She heads to the stage.]
D.J.: [moving the mic down for her height] Thanks for coming tonight, everyone. We raised enough money to buy that new computer. [applause] How about one more song from Jesse and the Rippers? [applause] Featuring a brand new singer I'm very proud of... my dad. Let's give it up for Danny Tanner! [applause, as he heads back to the stage.]
- The episode title "Ol' Brown Eyes" is taken from Frank Sinatra's nickname "Ol' Blue Eyes"
- There is an outtake from the scene where Joey plans to award Michelle the cookie for honestly revealing the wedding ring's location, but Dave Coulier forgets what he was supposed to say, and the Olsen twin gives him the word.