|Our Very First Christmas Show|
|Season 2, episode 9|
|Air date||December 16, 1988|
|Next||Middle Age Crazy|
The Tanners are on a flight to Colorado to spend Christmas with some relatives, which Danny has spent months planning. After wishing viewers of Wake Up, San Francisco a Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanukkah, and to make sure they do not miss out, he has decided to tape the festivities using his camcorder, from the suitcases being loaded into the living room to the plane itself. Even Jesse's parents, Nick and Irene, get in on the fun.
However, they run into trouble because of a blizzard, which forces an emergency landing at an unfamiliar airport, and they are forced to spend Christmas in the baggage claim room, where everyone thinks that it is ruined this time around.
Nick tries to get Jesse to kiss Becky (who had been expecting to go to her hometown in Nebraska for Christmas) under some mistletoe, and D.J. is upset that the gifts they brought along on the flight have somewhat gone missing. Stephanie, just as equally upset about the trip as her older sister (drawing some maps prior to their departure and even making a "Stephanie on Board" sign to place at her window seat on the plane), is frustrated when the Santa she sees, after tugging his beard, is Joey in disguise. As he understands how disgusted she is by that "trick", Danny then explains to her that since Santa can't be everywhere at once, he has helpers go in his place, and Joey was one of those "helpers". But that provides no comfort to her at all, and D.J., quick to notice this, calls her dad out (see Quotes and Trivia).
Jesse, becoming ever so frustrated by everyone's sour attitudes (as a few Christmas songs play as inspirational music), as well as the consumption of the consumerism and commercialization of the holiday season, speaks to everyone in the room about the true meaning of Christmas (see Quotes and Trivia), and (as the music stops) turns everyone's sour moods sweet by leading everyone into singing "Sleigh Ride". Not much later, everyone heads off to sleep... with the very audible sound of snoring.
The next morning, Michelle, not knowing that Danny was sleeping on the conveyor belt, accidentally pushes the button that triggers it (which elicits laughter and applause from the studio audience). He comes out, covered in snow, with Jesse joking that Danny was really dreaming of a white Christmas. When Jesse sees his "little Munchkin" already awake, he wakes everyone else up, and everyone else is glad that it is Christmas morning... even if they are stuck in an airport. And that does not stop Becky and Jesse from kissing under the mistletoe (which elicits a "WHOO!" from the audience). After that, another woman stops by to kiss Jesse (which elicits another "WHOO!") and squeezes him so hard, causing him to stumble towards the vending machines and phone booth.
Then, the real Santa Claus shows up, allows Stephanie to tug his beard for confirmation, and shows them where the missing gifts are; but little does everyone know that he's Lionel, a man who scared Michelle with his toupee during the flight. As a gift to the whole family (and possibly everyone else in the airport), in addition to revealing the missing gifts, he leaves behind a laptop computer (his) with a message for Stephanie (see Quotes and gallery). Everyone opens their gifts and sings "Deck the Halls" (as the EP credits appear—followed by a special holiday ending).
Special Holiday Ending
"Happy Holidays" is written out in green script, with "From Our Family To Yours" fading in below, complete with a border of red and green snowflakes, made to resemble a Christmas card.
[The teaser: the family is in the living room, where they've gathered around the Christmas tree for a family Christmas photo. Danny sets the timer on his camera and focuses it.]
Jesse: Here we go. Let's go, Danny.
Danny: Okay, this is for our Christmas card. Everybody look merry, peaceful and joyous.
Jesse: Okay, come on. This is it.
Danny: Here we go. [He rushes to join the others.] Everyone say, 'Christmas cheese'.
Everyone: 'Christmas cheese'.
[The phone rings.]
Stephanie: I'll get it.
[She and D.J. rush to answer it.]
Jesse: No, no, no!
[He grabs Stephanie, while Joey grabs D.J.]
Jesse: Come on. Here we go.
[The camera takes a picture, with the family in an awkward pose (see infobox photo).]
[Danny is in the living room, filming his greeting for the Wake Up, San Francisco viewers.]
Danny: Hi. Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to all you viewers of Wake Up, San Francisco. I'm off to Colorado for the first annual Tanner family Christmas reunion. But through the magic of home video, you're gonna see it all, starting with our Christmas tree. [He turns his attention to it.] Look, there it is; un-flocked and fire-retardant. And, of course, with the traditional smoke-alarm angel on top.
[Stephanie comes downstairs as Danny is filming.]
Danny: Ah, here comes my daughter Stephanie. This happy little girl is what Christmas is all about.
Stephanie: [unhappily] Daddy, I don't wanna go on this dumb trip.
Danny: Steph, the camera's running. Try to be a little bit cuter.
Stephanie: [in a very sarcastically happy attitude] I don't wanna go on this dumb trip! [normal voice] Daddy, Santa will never find me in Colorado. He knows I live here.
Danny: Trust me, Steph. He'll be there Christmas morning.
Stephanie: Well, just to make sure, I drew this map. [She shows it to the guys and points everything out.] Well, just to make sure, I drew this map for Santa so he can find me. It's got the North Pole, "You are here." And San Francisco, "Stephanie was here." And Colorado, "Stephanie will be here Christmas morning." And this is a bird named Tony.
[In Michelle's bedroom, D.J. finishes helping Michelle put on her shoes.]
D.J.: There, perfect. Michelle, could you keep a secret?
Michelle: Okay, D.J.
D.J.: Great, I've been dying to tell someone. I found out where Dad hid all our Christmas presents. I just happened to be wandering through the crawlspace in the attic. Guess what? I'm getting my new CD player. Stephanie's getting her roller skates. And you are gonna be rolling in new toys.
D.J.: You promised you wouldn't say anything, remember? [She pretends to zip her mouth and throw away the key. Michelle repeats this gesture to make sure she herself understands.]
[Aboard the plane...]
Lionel: Hey, you're sitting in my seat. I've got 1B, child.
D.J.: No, I have 1B, adult.
Danny: That makes three of us.
Stewardess: It seems we've assigned three people to the same seat. [nervous laugh] Silly us.
Lionel: Well, I reserved that seat three months ago and that's where I'm going to sit.
Stewardess: Well, I do have two openings in first class.
Lionel: Oh, I'll take one.
Stewardess: No, you 'reserved that seat three months ago' and that's where you're going to sit. How would you two girls like to sit in first class?
Stephanie: Okay! What is first class?
D.J.: Well, it's behind that curtain. It's a magic land where people sit in seats as big as sofas and eat shrimp cocktail.
Stephanie: Okay, let's get out of this dump!
[During the flight, as Danny videotapes...]
Michelle: Hey, man.
Lionel: Kid, can't you see I'm trying to work here?
Danny: Smile, Michelle.
Michelle: [starts petting the man's hair] Kitty. [She pulls off his toupee.]
Lionel: Hey, hey, hey!
Danny: Sir, I'm really terribly sorry. She loves animals.
Lionel: Give me back my hair [grabs it out of her hand, which causes her to cry].
Jesse: [holding her in his arms] Oh, it's okay, Michelle. Way to go, mister. Make a kid cry on Christmas. It's okay, Michelle. I'll sing your favorite little lullaby. [He starts singing "The Girl from Ipanema".] Okay. Everyone sing. [to Lionel] Sing along.
[Everybody joins in...]
Stephanie: Operator, if Santa’s not listed, then give me the number for Mrs. Claus. Hello? Hello? How rude.
Irene Katsopolis: Whoever designed these airline bathrooms was not wearing pantyhose.
Stephanie: Daddy! Daddy! Good news. D.J. explained it. Santa will get here with the presents because Rudolph has red-nose radar.
Danny: Uh, Stephanie, you know, red-nose radar doesn’t always work in real heavy snow.
Stephanie: Are you saying Santa’s not coming?
Danny: Well, if he doesn’t make it here, I’m sure he’ll find you in a couple of days [which by that time would either be the 26th or 27th].
Stephanie: But it’s not the same. It won’t be Christmas morning. [She turns and heads back into the phone booth, closing the door behind her.]
D.J.: Dad, what were you thinking? I had her all cheered up, and then you bum her out big time.
Danny: D.J., I think you’re old enough to hear the truth. The airline lost our bag with the Christmas presents.
D.J.: What? No presents? You mean they lost my new CD player?
Danny: How did you know you were getting a CD player?
D.J.: Did I say “CD player”?
Danny: Yes. That’s exactly what you just said.
D.J.: Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m not getting it anyway. Stephanie was right. We should never have gone on this trip. This is the worst Christmas ever.
Irene: Poor kid.
Nick: What a rotten Christmas.
D.J.: The presents are lost.
Joey: I broke Stephanie’s heart.
D.J.: The presents are lost.
Becky: I won’t see my family on Christmas, or my cow.
D.J.: Did I mention the presents are lost?
Jesse: What’s the matter with you people? The first Christmas was in a manger. They did okay. I mean, so what if we’re stuck in this crummy dump? Christmas isn’t about presents, or Santa Claus, or cows. It’s about a feeling. It’s about... It’s about people. It’s about us forgetting about our problems and reaching out to help other people. Christmas doesn’t have to happen in one certain place. It happens in our hearts. So if you think about it, we could have Christmas anywhere. I mean, even in a baggage claim. D.J., what do you see right there? [He points to one corner.]
D.J.: A coat rack. [The camera cuts.]
Jesse: No. [He rushes over and picks it up.] I see a big beautiful Christmas tree. Joseph, what do you see back there? [He points to another corner.]
Joey: Vending machines. [The camera cuts again.]
Jesse: No. I see a Christmas dinner with all the trimmings. Pop, what do you see back there? [He points towards something else.]
Nick Katsopolis: A conveyor belt.
Jesse: No. I see... OK, yes, that's a conveyor belt. But the point I'm trying to make here is, that we can give these kids the best darn Christmas Day they've ever had! And you know why? Because, outside the snow is falling, and friends are calling 'Yoo-hoo!' [as he tugs Lionel]. Come on! [Everyone bursts into song.]
[In the morning, everybody is asleep, except Michelle. She stands next to the control buttons for the conveyor belt, on which Danny is sleeping. She pushes a button, and Danny moves away while his blanket falls off.]
Michelle: Bye, Daddy.
Jesse: [waking up when he hears the belt] Michelle. Come here, you little insomniac. Hey. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Michelle. It's Christmas. [He turns the lights on.] Wake up, everybody! Merry Christmas!
[Everyone's indeed in a festive mood as they wake from their long winter's nap.]
Stephanie: It's Christmas! In an airport. Hot dog.
D.J.: We did a great job. It really does look like Christmas. And it doesn't even matter if there are no presents.
[Nick decides to take a cue from his son's speech.]
Nick: Jesse, what do you see over there? [He points to the 'Christmas dinner' corner mentioned in the speech.]
Jesse: I see Becky by the coffee machine, Dad.
Nick: I see a woman waiting to be kissed under the mistletoe.
Nick: The first time I ever kissed your mother was under the mistletoe. It lasted till New Year’s. Hey, there are two things Katsopolis men are known for: Kissing and great hair.
Jesse: Merry Christmas, Becky.
Becky: Oh, merry Christmas, Jesse. Listen, I want you to know, if I can’t be with my family on Christmas, it’s really nice to be with your family.
Jesse: Well, I’m happy you’re with us too.
Nick & Irene: [signaling them to kiss] Go ahead. Go ahead.
[Santa (Lionel) has left behind a laptop computer with a message.]
Stephanie: [As she looks at the message: "Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!", the page automatically scrolls up to reveal...] 'Thanks for the maps, Stephanie!' [with a picture of Santa making his lists and checking them twice]. You're welcome, Santa (see Gallery).
- The first of three Christmas episodes
- The first episode to mention the attic
- In the teaser: "The 12 Days of Christmas" (instrumental)
- As the episode opens: the first few notes of Bobby Helms' "Jingle Bell Rock" (instrumental)
- In the middle of the flight: the first few notes of "Sleigh Ride" (instrumental; also sung by Jesse and Joey as they are bringing out their suitcases, and by everyone at the airport after Jesse's speech)
- As Joey puts on his Santa suit: "Jingle Bells" (instrumental; also played as Jesse continues his speech)
- During Jesse's speech: "O Come, All Ye Faithful" (instrumental)
- As the episode closes: the first few notes of "Deck the Halls" (instrumental, as the greeting text appears on screen; also sung by the family as they open up their presents)
- "The Girl from Impanema" (sung by Jesse during the flight to cheer up Michelle; also sung by the family as the greeting is written, before fading to the instrumental "Deck the Halls")
- Stephanie's "Stephanie on Board" sign is a take on the "Baby on Board" sign, mainly used in cars
- When Danny tells D.J. that she's "old enough to hear the truth", it may have been a reference about Santa's existence (i.e. whether he's real or not), which is still up for debate
- Jesse's speech about the true meaning of Christmas may have been a cue from Linus' speech in A Charlie Brown Christmas
- There are outtakes from two scenes on the blooper reel:
- Where Danny videotapes his greeting to the Wake Up, San Francisco viewers:
- Take 1: He did not make it past "...to all you..."
- Take 2: He forgot the part where he says "I'm off to Colorado" and instead says "I'm off to uh, remember my lines"
- Take 3: He stumbled on the word "reunion"
- Take 4: He said "traditional" instead of "first annual" then said "that's not going to happen again"
- Take 5: While giving the line, someone made a noise, which meant he had to stop and do it again
- Where the unknown woman at the airport kisses Jesse under the mistletoe: after the big kiss, John Stamos mouthed a bad word (fortunately for the actress, they had to kiss again)
- Where Danny videotapes his greeting to the Wake Up, San Francisco viewers: