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Pal Joey
Season 2, episode 15
Pal joey123
Air date February 17, 1989
Writer(s) John Bowab
Director Dennis Rinsler & Marc Warren
Previous Little Shop of Sweaters
Next Baby Love

Pal Joey is episode fifteen in season two of Full House. It originally aired on February 17, 1989.

Opening Teaser

D.J. and Michelle analyze "cute guys" (See #Quotes).

Synopsis

While they wait for everyone else to come home, Danny is mopping the kitchen floor, and praises Michelle's skills as she "mops" alongside him. When the guys come home, Danny stops them. When the girls come home, Michelle stops them (see Quotes).

Meanwhile, Stephanie's friend Harry Takayama has a crush on D.J., and to prove that he does, he lets her teach him subtraction (see Quotes).

Downstairs, Jesse and Joey give a coffee toast to their new business of Double J Creative Services. As they drink, they find out the coffee tastes a little bitter, and Joey remarks that next time they will have to remember to plug the coffee maker in first. Jesse says that Joey's room is doubling as their office, so to compromise, certain things are going to have to go (see Quotes).

Back when they moved into the house, they did not exactly get along with each other very well at first. But since they started working together more, they have become good friends, and it is making Danny feel left out because lately, Joey has been taking Danny for granted.

Speaking of Danny, he comes downstairs holding Michelle, saying that he likes what they have done to the office. He adds that Jesse's babysitting tonight, so he and Joey will go out to eat: Him suggesting they eat in Chinatown and then catch a movie, and Joey suggesting they pick up some pizza and play some pool. Suddenly, the phone rings, Michelle picks it up, finds out the call is for Jesse and gives him the phone. Unfortunately, he gets some bad news regarding their new product, Chippy-Chunk Nut Cookies (see Quotes). So all the fun is going to have to be put on hold, as the partners have to work tonight, so they will hang out tomorrow. And Danny, who was supposed to work on next week's Wake Up, San Francisco shows with Becky tomorrow, decides to move it to Sunday.

Later, Harry comes by with a big "I Love You" heart-shaped lollipop for D.J., and even invites her out to lunch, but she says that she is eating with Kimmy. Stephanie turns to her sister and isn't happy about it... not one bit (see Quotes).

To get back at D.J. for her stealing Harry, Stephanie decides to switch rooms... literally. She moves Michelle's crib and stuff into their room, and her bed into Michelle's room. Needless to say, D.J.'s not happy about it. Harry shows up and then Jesse decides to settle this issue, once and for all, in his room (see Quotes).

When Danny confronts Joey, they remember the day when they became friends in the 5th grade in 1968, when they protected each other from a bully named Sheldon. When they head to the school where this had happened 21 years before, they play some basketball in the gym, and then literally unearth a time capsule they buried that year.

It contains Danny's old Giants cap, Joey's first joke book, and, of all things, the pledge they signed, which was a pledge to always be friends. Danny reminds Joey (as the inspirational music plays) that things are not the same as they were before, because, with Jesse and Joey working together now, Joey may have forgotten about his initial friendship with Danny. Joey apologizes for taking their friendship for granted. Then (as the music stops), he and Danny call Jesse to the school so Jesse can add his name to the pledge; they then put the cap and book back into the time capsule, and, with Jesse's name on the pledge, they add his hairdryer to the time capsule and bury it again (see Quotes). Danny suggests (as Jeff Franklin's EP credit appears) that they do the "old Soul Brother handshake", but Jesse does not think that it is a good idea, so Danny decides they just plain hug each other, and all three of them opt to do the handshake (as Thomas L. Miller and Robert L. Boyett's EP credits appear).

Guest stars

  • Philip Glasser as Young Danny
  • Kristopher Kent Hill as Young Joey
  • Annette Sinclair as Miss Borland
  • Nathan Nishiguchi as Harry Takayama (4th episode, of 5)
  • Brandon Crane as Sheldon
  • Adam Harris as Young Jesse (only acting credit)

Quotes

[The opening teaser: In D.J. & Stephanie 's bedroom.]
D.J.: [opens up a magazine] Now, you're never too young to learn who's cute and who's not. [walks over to a poster on her closet] Now Michelle, this is George Michael.
Michelle: Cute.
D.J.: He was cute when he was with Wham!. He's graduated to rad.
Michelle: Rad.
D.J.: [walks back over to the bed and opens the magazine they were just looking at] Now, this is Michael J. Fox. The bad news is: he's married. The good news is: he's our size. Now, out of all these pictures, pick the cutest guy.
Michelle: [looks at the magazines, then looks down at her picture book] Big Bird [points at the picture].
D.J.: Big Bird? No one even knows if he's a guy.
[Michelle kisses the picture.]


[Danny and Michelle are mopping the kitchen floor.]
Danny: Oh, good work, Michelle. I am very proud of you. Now. Honey, now I'm gonna teach you the Tanner family motto: "Clean is good and dirt is bad."
Michelle: Dirt bad.
Danny: The future is in good hands. [Jesse and Joey enter the kitchen through the back door when...] Stop! I just finished cleaning the floors.
Jesse: Daniel, something to think about. If you hang a vine up here, we can swing in like Tarzan. [They both jump inside and do the Tarzan yell.]
Joey: We're trapped.
Jesse: No, no, we're not. Observe, Joseph. [He grabs a roll of paper towels and rolls it down the stairs to Joey's room.]
Joey: Jess, don't get any dirt on the paper towels.
Both: "Dirt on the paper towels. Dirt on the paper towels." [They point at each other and laugh their way downstairs.]
Danny: Look at those nutty guys, Michelle. If it wasn't for me, they would never have met. Now, they're inseparable. Isn't life ironic?
[The older girls and Harry enter the kitchen through the living room door.]
D.J.: Dad, we're home.
Michelle: Stop! Dirt bad.
D.J.: [to Stephanie] No. Dad taught Michelle the Tanner family motto.
Danny: Deej, I'm working on a new Tanner family motto: 'Don't make fun of Dad until you can afford your own apartment.' Okay, here we go, Michelle [preparing to leave]. [She puts her squeegee in the caddy.] Good girl. [to the older girls and Harry as he carefully exits and puts his paper towels down in front of them] These are for you. [But they walk over them and carefully onto the kitchen floor.]


Stephanie: Come on, Harry, let's do our math homework.
Harry: Forget it. I can't learn subtractions. I'm gonna quit school and join the Boy Scouts.
Stephanie: I don't want my boyfriend to be a first-grade dropout. How embarrassing.
D.J.: Okay, look. You have four oranges – and then you take away two. How many do you have left?
Harry: Two.
D.J.: That's subtraction. Very good, Harry.
Harry: Thanks, D.J. You're the smartest woman in the world.
Stephanie: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah. Four minus two. Real genius.
Harry: D.J., can you tell me where babies come from?
D.J.: Harry... stick to fruit.


[Jesse and Joey give a toast to their new business.]
Joey: Here we go. Our first cup of coffee in our new office.
Jesse: All right, Joseph, here's to Double J Creative Services. [They do the toast, but after just one sip...]
Joey: Boy, next time, we gotta remember to plug that coffee machine in.
Jesse: All right, Joseph, now that your room is our office, we have to do a little redecoration in this joint. Look at this place, you got hockey dummies, you got puppets nailed to the wall, you got Mr. Potato Head here.
Joey: Come on, it makes the room fun.
Jesse: Fun, Joey? This is not fun to me. It's like working in Pee-wee's Playhouse.
Joey: [as Pee-wee Herman] That's right, boys and girls. And today's secret word is... 'office'.
Jesse: Joey, I'm serious.
Joey: I know you are, but what am I? [Adds the Pee-wee laugh.]
Jesse: All right! I give up with you.
Danny: [coming down with Michelle] I like what you've done with your 'office' [the secret word].
Joey & Jesse: 'Office!' Ahhh!
Jesse: [laughs] Joseph, you are a knucklehead!
Joey: Oh, come on now. [doing the motions for his catchphrase:] Cut [scissor fingers] it [index finger points] out [thumb motion – like an umpire].


[The phone rings.]
Michelle: Hello. ... Hi, man. ... Hold on. Jesse!
Jesse: Well, it looks like we found ourselves a secretary. Thank you, Michelle. Hello. Double J Creative Services, J speaking. Joey, it's the boss. Yes, sir. What's up, Mr. Malatesta? ... Oh, no. ... Oh, no.
Joey: What's wrong?
Jesse: Oh, we got a major crisis with the Chippy Chunk-nut Cookie account. It seems they found more chunk-nuts than chippies in the chewy chocolates, so all the chewy chocolate chippy chunk-nuts have to be called Nutty-Chewy Chunk Chips.
Joey: How can they do that?
Danny: How can they say that?


D.J.: [enters the front door with the mail] Mail call.
Stephanie: Anything for me?
D.J.: Oh, let's see. 'Resident'. That's for you. 'Occupant'. That's for you. Detergent sample?
Both: That's for Dad.
[Harry comes by with a gift.]
Harry: Hi, ladies.
D.J.: Hi, Harry.
Stephanie: Oh, Harry! An 'I Love You' lollipop. You are so sweet.
Harry: Thank you. It's for D.J.
Stephanie: You're in love with D.J.?! Harry Takayama, how can this be true?
Harry: Sorry, chief, but ever since yesterday, all I wanna do is subtract. [gives it to D.J.] Wanna have lunch tomorrow?
D.J.: Uh, thanks for asking, Harry, but lucky for me, I'm having lunch with Kimmy tomorrow.
Harry: No problem. I'll bring a friend. We'll double. See you, honey. [...] [to Stephanie] Bye, chief.
Stephanie: Don't call me 'chief'. [to her sister] You rat! You skunk! You skunky rat! You stole my man! [She storms off.]
D.J.: Man? I have Ken Dolls bigger than him.


[Joey and Danny play a basketball game at their old elementary school.]
Danny: Isn't this great? It's just like the old days. I'm still taller than you. Remember the last time we played? July 29th, 1912. It was raining. You got mad because I fouled you with my umbrella.
Jesse: Joseph.
Joey: Hey, Jess, what's up?
Danny: Guys, we're in the middle of a game.
Joey: Traveling. My ball.
Jesse: Great news. We saved the cookie account.
Joey: That is great news.
Jesse: Danny, my mom's watching the girls. I'm going to Hippo's. A bunch of us are gonna celebrate turning Chippy Chunk-nuts into Nutty-Chewy Chunk Chips.


[During sudden death (overtime)...]
Joey: All right. Here we go. [Danny bumps into him.] Foul. On the big man. I got wristing.
Danny: Wristing? What's wristing? I hit all ball. Jesse, you saw it. Did I wrist him?
Jesse: You did hit him on the wrist. If there is such a thing as wristing, I'd have to say you wristed him.
Danny: Okay, fine. Take his side. What else is new? [to Joey] Thanks for the game. Nice hanging out. Real quality time.
Joey: Danny, we'll play later. What's the big deal?
Danny: If I have to explain it to you, I don't know why we were friends in the first place.
Joey: Danny, you're acting like a little kid.
Danny: I am not. Now, give me back my ball. [He grabs it and leaves, and both his friends are shocked at his unsportsmanlike conduct.]


[In D.J. & Stephanie's bedroom, Michelle's crib sits where Stephanie's bed once was. As D.J. enters the room, she's shocked by the change.]
Michelle: Hi, D.J.
D.J.: Michelle, what are you doing in here?
Michelle: I don't know [shrugs].
Stephanie: [entering the room] Here's the rest of your stuff, Michelle. Thanks for switching rooms with me.
D.J.: Stephanie, there's no way I'm sharing a room with a 2-year-old.
Stephanie: There's no way I'm sharing a room with a no-good, skunky, ratty, rotten, lame-oid boyfriend-stealer.
D.J.: Would you get off this? Harry's a first-grade kid with a crush on an attractive older woman.
Stephanie: Watch out, Michelle. She'll be your best buddy until you've got something she wants. And then nothing is safe.
D.J.: Michelle, don't believe her. You know you can trust me.
Michelle: My bunny [that she's holding].


[In the living room, as Danny vacuums, some dust gets on his shirt, so he takes the brush off and vacuums it up but almost sucks his shirt into the vacuum in the process.]
Joey: [to Jesse, as they come home] Well, it had to happen. The vacuum cleaner finally turned on him. Danny, what's going on with you? Why'd you walk off the court today? [But as Danny uses his foot to flip on the vacuum to turbo power, full blast, to ignore him...] Oh, no you don't. [unplugs it] Don't give me the vacuum treatment.
Danny: [pointing at him] Never pull my plug when I'm cleaning.
Joey: [advancing] Never point your finger at me unless I have food on my face.
Danny: [pointing at him again] Never tell me what to do--
Jesse: [breaking them up] Fred, Ethel (see Trivia). Are you guys gonna let a basketball game break up a 20-year friendship?
Danny: The only reason we became friends was because the day we met, I saved his butt.
Joey: You got that all backwards, jack. I saved your butt.
Danny: Excuse me, but if my memory serves me, and it always does, it happened exactly like this: We were in the 5th grade. We just finished lunch. I remember, it was macaroni & cheese and Jell-O cubes. No, wait a second. I traded the Jell-O cubes for succotash. I don't like Jell-O cubes. The pieces of fruit get stuck in your teeth...
Jesse: [advancing towards his brother-in-law, as both friends sit on opposite ends of the couch] Just tell the story, huh?
Danny: Okay. The year was 1968. [fades to the flashback] I was sitting out in front of school on a bench. My nose was bleeding... again.


[The schoolyard flashback...]
Miss Borland: [guiding a young Joey to the bench] Off to a bad start at your new school, Joseph Gladstone. Clowns belong in the circus, not in the schoolyard. Now, unless you wanna be suspended on your first day, sit right here and don't move a muscle. [He acts like he's frozen.] [turns to Danny] How's that nosebleed, Daniel?
Young Danny: Clotting nicely. Thank you, Miss Borland. [She leaves.]
Young Joey: [to a bully, when he messes with Danny (see Gallery)] Hey, I like your hair. Who cuts it? Roto-Rooter?
Sheldon: Oh, yeah?
Young Joey: [sarcastically] Good comeback. Is that your head, or did your neck blow a bubble? [The kids applaud his jokes.] Thank you, thank you. [does the hand motions] Cut- it- out. [As they leave, he sits down next to young Danny (shown in the infobox).]
Young Danny: Where'd you get all those great jokes?
Young Joey: [pulling out a book from the back of his pants] This book: A Thousand and One Insults. Pretty groovy, huh?
Young Jesse: [After chasing a couple of girls to kiss them, now they are chasing him] Hey, one at a time!
Sheldon: [bringing the teacher and pointing to Joey] There's the kid who was picking on me.
Miss Borland: That's it. I'm calling your parents.
Young Joey: But--
Young Danny: Wait, Miss Borland. That boy's lying. Joseph has been a perfect angel.
Sheldon: Tanner's the liar.
Miss Borland: That's not possible. Daniel Tanner's never been in trouble a day in his life. [turning to Sheldon] Let's you and I visit the principal, Sheldon. [...] [to young Jesse, taking him by the hand] Until you learn to stop chasing the girls, Jesse Katsopolis, you're gonna sit right here with me [on the same bench].
Young Jesse: [smiling] Have mercy. [The flashback ends.]


[Back to reality.]
Jesse: I remember that teacher. I used to have fantasies about Miss Borland dancing on Laugh-In with "Sock it to me" painted on her tummy. [They just stare at him and he snaps out of it.] Sorry. That was a beautiful story. You guys were there for each other.
Danny: Were there for each other.
Joey: I should have let Sheldon cream you.
Jesse: [breaking up another fight] Come on, guys. Don't you realize how lucky you are? I wish I had one good friend all these years. You have history. You guys buried something together. You're soul brothers.
Danny: All in the past. I'm gonna go dig up that box we buried because I don't want my stuff resting next to yours for all eternity.
Joey: I'm going with you because I want my stuff too and I don't remember where we buried it.
Danny: Well, that just says it all.
Jesse: [after they leave] Miss Borland. I wonder if I still have her number.


[In the hallway...]
D.J.: [carrying her out of the girls' room] Sorry, Michelle, but you can't live here. Now, go back to your room [where they walk into, then walks out by herself].
Stephanie: [walking back out herself with Michelle] No, this is my room. You live with D.J. now.
D.J.: Michelle, don't listen to her. Go back to your room.
Michelle: What a day.
Harry: Hi, Steph. Hi, honey.
Stephanie: Your boyfriend's here.
D.J.: He is not my boyfriend. All I did was teach him how to subtract.
Stephanie: You hypnotized him with oranges and you put him in a love trance.
Jesse: [coming upstairs to break up yet another fight] Alright, enough of this. Everybody step into my room. We're gonna play a game of Junior Love Connection. Come on.
Stephanie: I'd rather play Divorce Court.


[In Jesse's bedroom, Michelle's on his bed.]
Jesse: Michelle, what are you doing? Don't read my mail. That's personal. What am I saying? All right. Come on, now. You go to your own little room, okay?
Michelle: What room?
Jesse: First, she reads my mail, then she gives me lip. Come on, get out of here [leads her out by the hand and pats her on her diapered butt]. All right. D.J., Harry, come here. Now, D.J., as nicely as you can tell Harry how you really feel about him.
D.J.: Kid, you don't have a prayer.
Jesse: Nicer, huh?
D.J.: Look, Harry, don't blow a good thing. You already have a great girl right here: Stephanie Tanner.
Harry: Sorry, chief. Forgive me?
Stephanie: In your dreams.
Jesse: What Harry is trying to say is: [goes behind Harry to move his arms as he fake cries:] I've made a big mistake. The biggest mistake of my life. Come on, chief. Don't forget the good old days. Kindergarten. Please, [puts his hands together] I'm begging you! [slaps his hands on his chest] Take me back. Take me back.
D.J.: [does the same with her sister] Oh, Harry, I forgive [pointing] you!
Jesse: I'm so happy! Shake. [They each stick their "muppet's" hand out and shake.] [normal voice] There you go.
Stephanie: Okay, you're my boyfriend again.
Harry: Great. [She punches his arm.] What was that for?
Stephanie: You're it! [And he chases her out of the room.]
D.J.: [to Jesse] Love is weird.


[Back on their old stomping grounds, Danny and Joey have unearthed the time capsule.]
Danny: I don't believe this. This is it. Oh, man. It's my old Giants cap.
Joey: My very first insult book. [He finds the pledge and reads it.] 'This is to prove that on February 23, 1968, we pledge on our most sacred possessions to be soul brothers for life, even if one guy moves real far away. Right on. Get down. Stay funky. Signed, Daniel Ernest Tanner and Joseph Alvin Gladstone.'
Danny: We have horrible middle names.
Joey: The worst. But we kept this pledge, didn’t we?
Danny: It’s amazing. When we were growing up, man, we did everything together.
Joey: We’re still doing everything together. Danny, I'm sorry I've been taking our friendship for granted. But just remember this: No matter what happens, we're always there for each other. What do you say we bury this stuff again and come back when we're old and dig it up.
Danny: Yeah. By then I'll be so shriveled up, this cap might fit me. Okay. Here's my cap.
Joey: My book.
Danny: The pledge. Wait a minute. Something's missing here.
Jesse: [coming down just as they're about to bury the capsule again] You guys are nuts. I had to stash the girls at the Gibblers, then rush down here just to bring you my blow dryer?
Joey: Sorry, we needed your most prized possession.
Danny: Sign here.
Jesse: "This is to prove that Danny T., Joey G., and Jesse K. are official soul brothers, pals and best friends forever." You don't have to do this. This is your thing.
Danny: [having forced him to sign it] Now, it's our thing.
Joey: We're all in this together.
Jesse: Thank you, guys. I'm touched. But my blow dryer? All right. [He adds it to the stash, to be buried away for another long time.] But if my hair looks like hell tomorrow, I'm digging that thing up.

Trivia

  • The title of this episode is from the name of a 1957 film adapted from the 1940 musical play of the same name, which was based on the novel (also of the same name)
  • The only known episode to feature the Danny and Joey's full names
  • The "argument" involving Stephanie and D.J. "stealing" Stephanie's boyfriend Harry happens again in "Crushed" (season 5) with Tommy Page (However, in it, both girls think that Tommy is their boyfriend, but in reality, he really wanted to be good friends with the both of them)
  • Jesse calling Danny and Joey "Fred" and "Ethel" are references to Lucy and Desi's neighbors in I Love Lucy
    • The German dub substitutes "Ethel" with "Wilma" to make it more of a Flintstones reference[1]
  • The episode has two of the biggest reactions from the studio audience in the series:
    • When John Stamos (as Jesse) gives the "chewy chocolate chippy chunk-nuts..." tongue-twisting line (see Quotes) (it's unknown how many times it took before he got it right)
    • When the second time the "secret word" is said and Jesse and Joey do the Pee-wee's Playhouse yell, then Michelle does it too
  • The Lorimar Television logo cuts off the closing theme before it is completely finished playing

Gallery

References

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