|Please Don't Touch the Dinosaur|
|Season 6, episode 18|
|Air date||February 23, 1993|
|Writer(s)||Chuck Tatham & Jamie Tatham|
|Previous||Silence is Not Golden|
|Next||Subterranean Graduation Blues|
In the living room, Joey and Jesse try their best to entertain Nicky, Alex, and Michelle with "This Old Man"; however, the twins end up falling asleep. When Michelle suggests playing a song that they can dance to, Joey suggests reggae to Jesse. So they try "This Old Man" again, this time, reggae style. This seems to get everyone in the mood to dance.
The episode starts with Danny reading a dinosaur bedtime story to Michelle, who's excited about tomorrow that she can't even sleep.
She and her class are going on a field trip to the local Museum of Natural History and Danny is one of the chaperones. When the other chaperone, Ms. Gwelch, cancels because of illness, Danny finds himself in over his head with being the only adult in charge of sixteen kids. Desperate to find a replacement before the trip, he persuades Jesse to come along. Danny feels hurt when Michelle chooses to be with Jesse's group instead of his because she thinks that Jesse would let the kids have some fun, while Danny would act like a sergeant who makes too many rules.
At the museum, Danny keeps his group on a tight leash. Jesse, on the other hand, lets his kids run wild throughout the exhibits. Danny also treats Jesse coldly, lecturing him on how to handle things, creating tension between the two. While in the dinosaur exhibit, Michelle and Denise Frazer start playing a game of tag and accidentally knock over most of a $4,000,000 dinosaur skeleton (of a 27-foot-long, 13-foot-tall, 2-ton late Cretaceous plant-eating ornithischian ornithopod hadrosaur, or "duck-billed" dinosaur, known as Tsintaosaurus spinorhinus, discovered in China and identifiable by the 16-inch spiky crest on its forehead), resulting in effectively ending the field trip.
When Danny, Jesse, and Michelle return home, Danny explodes at Jesse, berating him for letting his group get so out of control. Jesse snaps back at him to get off his back and to stop treating him like a little kid, stating that the collapsed dinosaur is going to be fixed and he will be doing community service at the museum for the next several weeks to make amends. Jesse also says he was just trying to let the kids have some fun, which was what Danny was not doing. However, Danny continues to lecture him, telling him that he will only get off his back when he stops acting like “Mr. Cool” and starts taking his responsibilities more seriously. Finally fed up with Danny's attitude, Jesse goes ballistic and blows up in Danny's face, yelling at him to stop acting like a control freak and trying to run everyone's lives all the time, even going as far as accusing him of just wanting to be in charge so he can boss people around. As the fight escalates, Michelle becomes more and more upset until she finally yells at them to stop fighting. She tells them that she knocked over the dinosaur and that it was her fault before running upstairs (to which the studio audience goes "Ohh" with sympathy).
Realizing that their arguing did no good except hurt Michelle, Danny and Jesse follow her up to her room. There, they apologize for their behavior. They explain that while she did knock over the skeleton, the real reason the field trip was a disaster was that neither one of them did a good job at being in charge (with Jesse with being too flexible and soft, and Danny being too strict and hard). Danny admits (as the inspirational music plays) that the real reason why he was so hard on Jesse was that he felt hurt that Michelle wanted to be in Jesse's group instead of being with his, and he apologizes to Jesse. Jesse promises to be more responsible when it comes to being in charge but still hang a little loose, while Danny admits that he does have a tendency to make too many rules sometimes, and he promises to tone it down and be more reasonable when it comes to making rules. They then tickle Michelle (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
- Danny: [to Jesse] I don't need advice from a guy who spent half his school years in the principal's office.
- Jesse: Oh, look who's talking. You wanted to be hall-monitor just so you could bust people for putting their lips on the drinking fountain.
- Danny: If it weren't for people like you, we wouldn't have needed hall-monitors.
- Jesse: Rules were meant to be broken.
- Danny: Pinatas were meant to be broken.
- Michelle: I broke the dinosaur!
- Denise: Man! There's nothin' left but his butt!
After the dinosaur in the museum is destroyed...
- Danny: Jesse... what did you do?!
- Jesse: You have any glue?
After Michelle, Jesse and Danny come home from the museum.
- Danny: Hey, Jess... tell me again. The foot bone's connected to what?
- Jesse: C'mon, give it a rest, okay? They said they could fix the dinosaur, and I promised to do volunteer work at the museum. For the next 10 weekends in a row, I'm gonna be combing out the woolly mammoth.
- Danny: You're lucky they didn't press charges. You know, I asked you to make sure that the kids follow the rules, but did you listen to me?! No, not you! Not "Mr. Fun Boy"!
- Jesse: C'mon, Mr. Law and Order, I was just tryin' to let the kids have some fun, and so it got a little outta hand.
- Danny: A little outta hand?! Jess, a little out of hand is cutting in line at the algae exhibit. You let the kids run totally wild! They knocked over a priceless dinosaur!
- Jesse: Oh come on, it's not priceless, they said it was only worth about like, 4,000,000 bucks!
- Danny: When are you gonna stop tryin' to be Mr. Cool, and start taking your responsibilities more seriously?
- Jesse: When are you gonna get off my back?
- Danny: I'll get off your back when you start acting like a grown man!
- Michelle: Stop it! Stop fighting! I'm the one who knocked it over, you remember? It's my fault! [She runs upstairs, very upset and in tears.]
- Danny: Let's go. [Both he and Jesse head upstairs.]
This is the first time that Michelle tells two members of her family to stop arguing. (It happens again in the season seven premiere when D.J. and Stephanie are arguing while they are in her and Stephanie's room.)
When Jesse says, "How does that song go? – "The foot bone is connected to the...", it is a reference to the first line of "Dem Bones", an old spiritual song which talks about the bones in the body and how they are connected.