|Season 4, episode 11|
|Air date||December 7, 1990|
|Previous||Terror in Tanner Town|
|Next||Danny in Charge|
Meanwhile, D.J. has fallen for Ricky, the paperboy. Danny pays for the paper, and D.J. throws in a tip. That causes Rusty to think that the two are in love, but D.J.'s not happy about it, even though Cindy and Danny are (see Quotes).
In any event, that gives Rusty the idea for his latest prank. While in D.J. and Stephanie's room, he types a love letter to make D.J. think Ricky is her "secret admirer". He then asks Michelle to deliver it (see Quotes).
The prank backfires when Michelle gives the letter to Stephanie instead, who after reading it, hides the letter in the laundry basket, as Joey comes up with some laundry for Cindy, adding that he left a note for her (see Quotes). Becky comes in with a bowl of Jell-O for the feast, and Danny has for her some notes for tomorrow's Wake Up, San Francisco. Then, Jesse comes home, and he and Becky kiss as she hides the letter in a book. At that moment, Kimmy comes downstairs, and Jesse has a surprise for her that also shocks Michelle (see Quotes). As Jesse asks for more things for the BBQ, he picks up the letter that shocks him and Michelle.
Back in reality, Jesse realizes he got the wrong pickles (see Quotes), and instead of going back to the store, Danny eventually decides to call for pickles instead. Kimmy tells Becky no matter what, she'll always want them to be friends, and Becky accepts.
Upstairs in her room, Michelle is sitting in her rocking chair reading, when Rusty comes in and asks if the mission is complete, and it is... for now (see Quotes).
Across the hall in their room, Stephanie tells D.J. that she can't believe that Rusty would write her a love letter, and D.J. is just as shocked (see Quotes).
Just at that moment, Rusty comes in and is met with Stephanie's trademark as she leaves the room. Then, D.J. sits him down on Stephanie's bed and has a talk with him (see Quotes), until Danny calls everyone to get ready to eat. Then, as the cookout is underway, Becky shows Danny the letter that was in her sweater pocket. Then Danny puts the letter in Michelle's cap.
After Danny welcomes everyone to the family picnic, Michelle asks to take the letter out of her cap, which starts a chain reaction of assumptions and accusations as they tell their points of view on who they think the "secret admirer" writer is (see Quotes). Jesse calms everyone down, and Michelle outs the "culprit" as Rusty, who finally confesses. But they see that he still has not learned his lesson (from last time) about pranks. And the glaring looks on their faces tell him he is in "big trouble", so he takes off running – as they all chase after. That is, all but D.J., who sees that Ricky has come back and gives her the rest of the change as she invites him to some food. Both are glad that he came back (see Quotes and infobox photo). Of course, the "lovebirds" pay no attention to the ongoing Rusty chase (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
R.J. Williams guest stars as Ricky. He and Candace Cameron Bure reunited with each other at the headquarters of Young Hollywood (where he serves as CEO). Both also appeared in a 1983 commercial for Cascade detergent.
[In the opening teaser, Michelle is eating cookies (or part of them) at the kitchen table when Jesse sneaks up behind her.]
Jesse: Did you just eat the creamy middle out of that cookie and put the two ends back together?
Jesse: [smiles, until he looks in the cookie jar, and as he dumps out the cookies] You ate the middle out of every cookie in this cookie jar?
Michelle: Next time, only buy the middles.
Cindy: Here is my semi-legendary homemade apple pie.
Danny: Oh, I can smell it from here. I can’t wait. [takes off the cover, showing that a piece is gone] Apparently, someone else couldn’t wait, either.
Rusty: Sorry, Mom. It was a long car ride.
D.J.: Hi, Ricky!
Ricky: Hi! I'm here to collect for the paper. Uh, $3.50, Mr. Tanner.
Danny: Sorry, Ricky, all I have is a $20.
Ricky: I don't have any change.
D.J.: That's okay. Keep it!
Danny: Um, what my incredibly generous daughter means is: keep a dollar and come back for the rest, okay.
Ricky: [to D.J.] Thanks for trying. I'll be back.
D.J.: I'll be here! I'll see you then! Toodeloo! [closes the door] 'Toodeloo'? I'm such a geek!
Rusty: Mr. and Mrs. Ricky paperboy [makes kissing sounds and make-out moves].
D.J.: Grow up!
Danny: Cindy, isn't this cute. They're fighting just like brother and sister.
D.J. & Rusty: [looking at each other] Ew!
[Rusty is in D.J. & Stephanie's room, as Michelle walks in.]
Michelle: Hey mister, what are you up to now?
Rusty: Well, I'm just typing a letter. [as he takes the paper out] And you can help me deliver it... like a mailman.
Michelle: I'm very busy today.
Rusty: [as he reaches into his jacket pocket] Well, tell you what, little lady... I'll give you this bright, shiny new penny.
Michelle: Don't be cheap. Give me a nickel!
Rusty: Well, you drive a hard bargain, but here you go [grants her wish].
Michelle: Thank you, very much.
Rusty: Okay, now, take this letter into the kitchen and give it to your sister. Now, here is the fun part: Tell her it's from Ricky the paperboy.
Michelle: But that's a lie!
Rusty: Here is another nickel.
Michelle: You got a deal, dude [and leaves the room].
Rusty: This is going to make D.J. crazy! [And laughs maniacally.]
[Stephanie walks into the kitchen, just as Michelle walks downstairs and delivers the letter.]
Michelle: This is for my sister.
Stephanie: Who gave this to you?
Michelle: I do not lie. It was Rusty! But I'm keeping the money!
Stephanie: [thought voice-over, as she reads the letter and her eyes widen (right)] 'I've loved you secretly for a long time. When I see you in the house my heart burns with passion. I can't live without your love'? Signed, 'Hot for you.' [speaking] Ew, gross!
Michelle: Why did you say 'Ew, gross'?
Stephanie: Because, Rusty loves me!
Michelle: Ew, gross! [She runs out of the kitchen.]
Stephanie: [voice-over] If anyone finds out I got a love letter from that doofus, I'll die!
Cindy: Be right back, Danny! [coming in as Stephanie hides the letter in the laundry basket] Oh, hi, Steph! Uh, your dad wants the air freshener.
Stephanie: In the backyard?
Cindy: Yeah, he says it doesn't smell woodsy enough.
Joey: Cindy, how's the most beautiful dry cleaner I've ever known?
Cindy: Joey, what did you spill?
Joey: Ketchup on my shirt, mustard on my pants, I've gotta stop making sandwiches in the car.
Cindy: I'll take it out to my van so I don't forget.
Joey: Cindy, you are the best! [He kisses her on the cheek.] Oh, by the way, I left a little note in there for you. It explains everything.
[Cindy walks out of the room, reading the letter Stephanie put in the laundry basket.]
Cindy: [thought voice-over] His heart burns with passion? He can't live without my love? Joey's hot for me?
Becky: [thought voice-over, as she reads the letter] Oh my God, Danny can't live without my love? If Jesse finds out, he'll kill Danny. Hmm, I would have my own show.
[The door opens and Jesse walks in.]
Jesse: I went to four different stores trying to find Danny low -sodium Gherkins. He's getting dills, and he's gonna like them. I need a kiss. [And that they do. While doing so, Becky quickly hides the letter in a book.]
Becky: [thought voice-over] I have to hide this. I've got to keep him kissing me. I know what he likes.
Jesse: [voice-over] Ooh, I like that. [speaking] What are you doing behind my back?
Becky: Uh, nothing.
Jesse: [noticing the book in her hand] Wait a sec, what is that?
Becky: Oh, uh, library book. Wouldn't you know? – Kimmy Gibbler. And a month overdue. Boy, that child is out of control.
[Kimmy comes downstairs.]
Kimmy: Oh, Jesse, if you're going out, can you pick me up a copy of Teen Hunk? It has a scratch-and-sniff ad for New Kids on the Block cologne.
Jesse: A: I don't buy Teen Hunk, and 2: here [handing her the book], little surprise in there for you, Kimbo. [As he starts to walk into the kitchen, Michelle stands in the doorway.]
Michelle: I got two nickels. What can I buy with them?
Jesse: A dime.
Michelle: That's it?!
[Kimmy reads the love letter.]
Kimmy: [thought voice-over] Whoa, baby! Jesse's hot for me?! And why not? I'm twice the woman Becky is. [to Michelle] You better be nice to me, kid. If I, uh, marry your Uncle Jesse, I could be your Aunt Kimmy.
Michelle: [voice-over] No way, José. [speaking] No way, José.
[Michelle is in her room reading "Dr. Seuss's ABC".]
Michelle: [thought voice-over] I'm gonna learn to read if it kills me. [speaking] This is an "A", this is an apple, so what?
Rusty: [entering] Hey, kid. Did you deliver the letter I wrote to your sister?
Michelle: Yes, I did.
Rusty: And what happened?
Michelle: Everything went bananas!
Rusty: I love it! You did it, Michelle! Way to go, kid! Koo-chi, koo-chi, koo-chi! You know we make a great team.
Michelle: [thought voice-over] I gotta get a lock for my door.
[D.J. is on her bed when Stephanie comes in.]
Stephanie: D.J., you're never going to believe this. Rusty wrote me a love letter.
D.J.: Ew, gross.
Stephanie: What is he thinking? He's two years older than me, and he's a complete cootie-burger. I'm gonna go dump him. [She leaves, but her sister pulls her back.]
D.J.: Steph, wait a sec. Maybe I should talk to him. It's just possible Rusty might actually have feelings.
Rusty: [enters] Hey, Steph. What's up?
Stephanie: How rude! [She leaves.]
D.J.: Rusty, have a seat [on Stephanie's bed]. Let's you and I have a talk. Let's talk about love.
D.J.: Now, I understand you're ready for a girlfriend. But in my opinion, you need a girlfriend who's older, more mature.
[As she removes her cap...]
Michelle: Daddy, can I take this love letter off my head now?
Jesse: Michelle, where'd you get this letter?
Michelle: Daddy gave it to me.
Jesse: [to Danny] So you sent this letter to Rebecca?
Danny: Hey, Becky gave that letter to me!
Becky: [to Danny] Wait a minute, you gave me this letter first!
Cindy: Joey, don't just sit there; you know you wrote this letter to me!
Joey: What letter?!
Kimmy: That's the letter my Jesse sent to me!
Jesse: Yeah... Your Jesse?!
Stephanie: I got that letter from Rusty; he's in love with me!
Rusty: No way! I love D.J., and she loves me!
D.J.: [looking around, shocked] Who are you people and where's my real family? [...]
[After finding out that everyone is mad at him and Michelle says...]
Michelle: [wagging her left finger] You're in big trouble, mister! [...Rusty runs into the house and all (but D.J.) give chase...] Rusty! Don't run away from me, young man! [...which goes out the front, around the side, and returns to the backyard, with Michelle bringing up the rear (and in front of her are, in order: Cindy, Jesse, Danny, Becky, Kimmy, Joey, Stephanie, and Comet).] [...] Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me!
[In the middle of the chase, Ricky returns with Danny's change.]
Ricky: So, a barbeque?
D.J.: Yeah, it's kind of a family-togetherness thing [...] Well, if you're hungry, dig in!
Ricky: Great, thanks! You know... I really am glad I came back.
D.J.: Me too. [thought dub:] Oh, Mylanta!
- The second time that Comet speaks (as voiced by Dave Coulier); the first was in "Good News, Bad News"
- The episode was based on the 1985 film Secret Admirer, starring Lori Loughlin (as shown in photo)
- Danny saying "wild-Gherkin chase" is a take on the idiom "wild-goose chase", which means a useless pursuit
- The song that Danny sings as he leads everyone to line up and take food outside is "Love Train"
- Goof: In the teaser, Jesse dumps out all of the cookies out of the cookie jar that Michelle has eaten the middle out of (which is every cookie), but you can clearly see that some of the cookies still have white creme in them (look towards the bottom-right of the pile to see one)