|Season 1, episode 13|
|Air date||January 8, 1988|
|Previous||Our Very First Promo|
|Next||Half a Love Story|
Having recently gotten the lead role in a school play, D.J. becomes convinced that she is on the pathway to stardom after Jesse suggests to Danny that since he knows people in show business, he could try letting her audition for a commercial. Danny later tells D.J. that he called a casting director and it turns out that there is a casting audition the following week for Oat Boats cereal. He reminds her to think it over carefully before committing, as the chances of her getting it are small. She thinks about it (for a few seconds) and says that she wants to do it.
However, an unexpected turn of events causes trouble when Stephanie, who accompanies D.J. and Jesse to the audition, catches the director's eye and lands the part. Before D.J.'s audition, she was told that she had to have a picture and a résumé to land the part; however, she says that she does not have a résumé or a picture. So Stephanie sits at the table in the waiting area and quickly draws and colors a picture of D.J. for submission, stating that she did not have time for D.J.'s "hair". After it is announced that Stephanie is the new Oat Boat "spokesgirl", Stephanie, D.J., and Jesse individually say, "What?!" Needless to say, D.J. is not happy about that at all.
Back home, Joey shows Danny his health food tonic that he made in the blender. At first, he squirms, but he finally is able to get it down his throat. Meanwhile, an angry D.J. storms into the kitchen, grabs a juice bottle from the fridge and slams the door shut, and opens the juice bottle with a bottle opener before angrily throwing the bottle opener back in the drawer and slamming it shut. While she's sitting at the table drowning her sorrows in juice, Danny notices her look of dismay, and that look tells him that things didn't go so well at the auditions (see Quotes).
When Stephanie rehearses the part in the kitchen, D.J. is consumed by jealousy when Stephanie accidentally gets the job instead. However, D.J. says that she is not jealous, just hungry, so Stephanie gives D.J. the Oat Boats cereal box to cheer her up, but it turns out that she is jealous (see Quotes). Jesse and Joey then have a chat with her in Joey's room, where they tell her that even they strike out on auditions all the time (see Quotes). They add that, as the oldest, she gets many benefits: no hand-me-downs, and being the first to date, drive, and be admitted to an R-rated movie without a legal guardian or parent.
In the living room, Stephanie makes a phone call to the Oat Boats cereal company, wanting to decline the part because the commotion is tearing the family apart. However, she's interrupted by D.J., who needs to talk to her pronto. She wants to put "Mr. Oat Boat" on hold but can't get through (see Quotes and Trivia), so she hangs up.
In the end (as the inspirational music plays), D.J. admits to Stephanie that she did not steal her part on purpose, and that she was right when she told D.J. that she was jealous. Stephanie admits she herself is jealous of D.J. and she follows her around and bugs her because D.J. is the smartest, prettiest, funnest girl around except when she hates her and gets mad at her (causing the audience to "aw"). They admit that they are each other's best friend to the end, capping it all off with a hug (causing the audience to "aw" again and applaud just as the music stops; see infobox photo). Then, D.J. decides to help Stephanie rehearse (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[The family comes home from watching D.J. play the princess in a play, and Stephanie wants her to act out the part that Joey missed because Michelle started crying.]
Joey: Yeah, could you please, Deej?
D.J.: I'd love to, but I need a frog.
[They all turn their heads toward...]
Jesse: What, do I look like a frog? [They nod.] Just checking [smiles].
D.J.: Okay, let's do it.
Danny: You guys get a front-row seat.
D.J.: Okay, Jesse, get on the floor and try to act like a frog.
Jesse: How's this? [He makes a face like a frog.]
Danny: Oooh, I just wanna dip your legs in garlic butter.
D.J.: Oh, frog, why does the world force us to meet in secret? Do not all of God's creatures share the heart that feels pain, love, joy, and sorrow? If my true love is a frog, then so be it [kisses him on the forehead].
Jesse: [stands up] My princess!
D.J.: My prince! [They hug.]
[The audience cheers.]
Jesse: Thank you.
D.J.: Thank you.
Stephanie: Oooh, the girl is hot.
[Joey enters the backdoor carrying bags of groceries.]
Jesse: You did some shopping. Very nice. Hey, do you want a corned-beef sandwich on rye?
Joey: No, thank you.
Jesse: You don't want a corned-beef sandwich on rye? It's extra faaatty [as he waves it in front of his face].
Joey: No, thanks. Why would I want that when I have meatless vegetable cutlets, marinated tofu squares, salt-free rice crackers...?
Jesse: What'd you do, win a "Hare Krishna Family Publishers" sweepstakes?
Danny: Isn't that the one with Ed McMahon in the orange robe and the shaved head? [They laugh.]
Joey: Hey, you guys can make fun of my food all you want. I got some test results back from my doctor. He said my cholesterol level's a little high, but there's nothing to worry about. All's I have to do is start exercising a little more, eat less saturated fat, and I've decided to completely give up junk food. [To which Danny and Jesse just stare at him.]
[D.J. is in the studio auditioning for the commercial, as Jesse and Stephanie watch nearby (see Gallery).]
D.J.: Hey, moms and dads. Come real close to the set. [The camera zooms in.] Send all the kids out of the room. Are they gone? Good. [Cut to the cue card and then back to her.] I've got a secret. Oat Boats are chock-full of vitamins and minerals. But don't let your kids know. They'll eat them anyways because they taste so great. Yeah, Oat Boats! Now, remember, this is our little secret. If the word gets out, I'll deny everything.
[As D.J. drowns her sorrows in juice, her father joins her at the kitchen table.]
Danny: I take it that things didn't go so well at the auditions.
D.J.: Ohhhh no.
Danny: They probably gave it to somebody's relative.
D.J.: Ohhhh yeah.
Danny: [when Jesse enters] I know, D.J. didn't get it.
Jesse: Here's something you don't know: Steph did.
[In the kitchen, Stephanie is rehearsing the commercial, when D.J. comes downstairs and joins her.]
Stephanie: 'I love Oat Boats because Stephanie takes heaping spoonful of cereal. They taste great. She takes a bite.'
[D.J. laughs, causing Stephanie to give her a dirty look.]
D.J.: Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Rehearse. [She sits down.]
Stephanie: 'I love Oat Boats because Stephanie takes heaping spoon…' [D.J. laughs again and gets another glare.] If I'm doing something wrong, will you help me?
D.J.: You didn't need any help when you stole my part.
[D.J. takes the cereal box from Stephanie and starts eating it.]
Stephanie: Fine. You can have it.
[She acts like she's going to leave. Then, catching D.J. off-guard, she grabs the box back and runs, and D.J. gives chase.]
D.J.: Give me that right now! Give me it!
Stephanie: No way, José!
D.J.: Give me it! [They reach the opposite ends of the table.] You're a thief!
Stephanie: You're jealous!!
D.J.: Give me that, Stephanie Judith!
Stephanie: No, Donna Jo Margaret! [She screams as she crawls under the table, while D.J. crawls on the table. After reaching the opposite side, she crawls under the table in an attempt to catch her sister, while asking herself...]
D.J.: Why am I crawling?!
[In Joey's room, D.J. tries to peddle away her anger on a treadmill, and he & Jesse come down to talk to her.]
D.J.: Let me save you a lot of trouble. You're right, I'm wrong, and I don't care.
[Jesse powers off the treadmill, and she hops off and mopes on Joey's bed. Joey and Jesse give each other the "You talk to her" gesture, and it's Joey's turn.]
Joey: Listen, D.J. Jesse and I strike out on auditions all the time. Being a performer is basically a series of rejections occasionally interrupted by work.
D.J.: Oh, yeah? Well, did either of you have a part stolen by your little sister?
[She gets up and walks off angrily, the gesture is done again, and now it's Jesse's turn.]
Jesse: You know something? She's r--D.J., you're right. Stephanie stole that part right out from under you. In fact, she planned this whole thing. She tricked us into bringing her along, pretending that she cares about you.
Joey: The conniving little sneak.
Jesse: And then you fell into Stephanie's fiendish little trap by doing a great audition.
Joey: The monster.
Jesse: Meanwhile, the sinister little Stephanie...used her telekinetic powers to send us out of the room so she could steal your commercial.
Joey: I say we light some torches, find the she-devil and drive her into the night!
D.J.: Okay, you guys were right. She didn't do it on purpose. But I'm still mad at her.
[She walks back over to Joey's bed and sits down.]
Joey: All right. All right, kiddo. I wanna know what's eating you.
Jesse: All right, pal. Come on, what's the matter? Tell us.
D.J.: I don't know. I'm so sick of sisters. Everything was just fine when it was just me. And then Stephanie came along, and everyone said she was soooo cute. Now everyone says Michelle is soooo cute. It's soooo disgusting.
Joey: Was it soooo disgusting when you did the play and everyone thought you were soooo cute?
D.J.: No, that was fine. Until one of the soooo-cute sisters ruined everything again.
[In the living room, Stephanie is talking on the phone.]
Stephanie: Hello, information? I need to talk to Mr. Boat. Mr. Oat Boat. I need to talk to Mr. Boat. I can't do his commercial. His cereal is tearing my family apart.
D.J.: Steph, I need to talk to you.
Stephanie: My sister's here. Can I put you on hold? Hello? Hello? How rude. [She hangs up and focuses her attention on D.J.] I'm sorry I stole your part.
D.J.: You didn't steal it on purpose. You didn't know what you were doing.
Stephanie: That's true. I never know what I'm doing.
Stephanie: Really? I'm your best friend?
Stephanie: That works out great, because you're mine. But do we really need Michelle?
D.J.: Yeah. You'll like her better when she's old enough to push around. Now, let's work on that script.
Stephanie: Ladies first.
D.J.: [realizing that means her] Now, where it says here, 'Stephanie takes heaping spoonful', you don't need to say that, you just do it.
Stephanie: Wow, this acting is tough. I wonder if Yogi Bear had this kind of trouble.
- The episode title is a take on "Brotherly Love", which means: a kind attitude towards others (Philadelphia literally means "the city of Brotherly Love")
- The first time Stephanie says her recurring phrase, "How rude"
- The second consecutive episode where a Tanner family member stars in a commercial
- The Oat Boats cereal box (see picture) says "Olsen's" (possibly a nod to Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen's family name)
- Jodie Sweetin (Stephanie) started her acting career starring in an Oscar Mayer hot dog commercial at age 4 (which caught the eye of the Full House producer(s) because of her talent for comedic acting)
- The girls call each other by their first and middle names: Donna Jo Margaret and Stephanie Judith, respectively
- Goof: When D.J. is looking down at Stephanie standing on her left by the door after hearing she got D.J.’s part, the shot switches so Stephanie is standing on the left next to the door where D.J. previously was.