|Subterranean Graduation Blues|
|Season 6, episode 19|
|Air date||March 2, 1993|
|Writer(s)||Story by: Marc Warren & Dennis Rinsler; Teleplay by: Tom Burkhard|
|Previous||Please Don't Touch the Dinosaur|
|Next||Grand Gift Auto|
Picking up where the teaser leaves off, everyone else helps with Michelle's project, with Joey bringing down pizza boxes stashed under his bed (which shocks all; see Quotes), and Danny bringing in newspapers. Steve comes by and demonstrates a can crusher he made in shop class. Unfortunately, it doesn't sit well with the rest of the family (see Quotes).
Elsewhere, Jesse's dream of finishing high school formulates into reality when he completes his final English course and is chosen to make the keynote speech at the graduation ceremony. Everyone wants to drive there, but Michelle suggests that everyone rides a Muni Metro train to the graduation ceremony, because it is a light rail/streetcar hybrid system that does not cause as much air pollution as cars do.
While they are away, Kimmy has her work cut out for her as she babysits Alex and Nicky at the house. They are more than she can handle, as they rub green paint all over everything, causing her to scream at the top of her lungs.
On the way to commencement, everyone regrets following Michelle's suggestion when electrical problems on the train cause it to stall and come to a stop. Because of that, Jesse believes that they are going to be late, and begins to be worried, upset and depressed about missing graduation, and thinks that the school's administration would not be surprised to see him miss his chance to graduate (which elicits groans from the studio audience). If that's not bad enough, he gets a $27 ticket for hitchhiking in the tunnel!
Convinced that he will always be perceived as the irresponsible "screw-up" he used to be, Jesse still manages to capture the essence of his success by offering unexpected guidance to a troubled young man who is considering dropping out of school (and all this occurs as the inspirational music plays). At the urging of all on the train, the dropout reconsiders.
The family, minus D.J. – who is away on a skiing trip (see Trivia) – and the twins (see above), throws a graduation "ceremony" for Jesse on the subway train, which starts moving again after the mock ceremony is over, and it is obvious that he ends up getting his diploma (as the audience applauds) and decides to head to a sandwich shop for his graduation dinner. The saxophonist begins to play (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear; see Quotes).
[The opening teaser: Becky holds a bag of aluminum cans for recycling that Stephanie helps with. Michelle 'helps' by drinking the last bit of a can of root beer.]
Michelle: Ah, finished. I love recycling. [She tosses the can into the bag.]
Stephanie: Michelle, if you're trying to earn your Honeybee environmental badge, how come we're doing all the work?
Michelle: I don't know... but keep working while I think about it.
[Joey and Danny bring down more stuff for Michelle's project.]
Joey: Here, Michelle. Here are some pizza boxes for your project.
Michelle: Thank you.
Stephanie: Where did you get all those?
Joey: Under my bed.
[Everyone looks at him in disbelief.]
Becky: Joey, you keep pizza boxes under your bed?
Joey: Well Becky, I gotta put 'em somewhere; my nightstand's covered with doughnuts!
Danny: What's in your sock drawer, nachos?
Joey: Hey, stay outta my stuff, will ya?!
Steve: [enters the back door with an interesting gadget] Hey, guys. Michelle, before D.J. left on that ski trip, she told me about your little recycling project. So I went ahead and made this for you in shop class [showing off the gadget]. It's called the 'Stev-O-Matic' can crusher.
Becky: Steve, I didn't know you were so mechanical.
Steve: Yeah. Well, my shop teacher says I got metal in my blood. [Everyone looks at him in disbelief.] OK, he said it was in my skull. But, what you do is, you take the can [takes one of the empty root beer cans on the table], and you put it in here [in the opening], and you turn the wheel [by the handle], and the metal plate slowly crushes the can. [But instead, it does nothing. He tries again, but faster, and gets the same result.] But don't worry, because I've built in another option. [He grabs another can, and picks up the gadget to crush that can.]
[Jesse comes home.]
Stephanie: Uncle Jesse, how'd you do on your English final?
Jesse: See for yourself [hands it to Becky].
Becky: [as she leafs through the papers] Aw, Jess. Don't tell me you failed. You won't be able to graduate. All that hard work and studying and... You got an A!
Becky: [repeatedly whacking him with the book] Don't do that to me!
[As Becky puts film into her camera in preparation for the trip to commencement, Kimmy stops by.]
Kimmy: I'm here! Your rugrat wrangler.
Becky: The boys are much more active than the last time you babysat for them ("Nice Guys Finish First") – especially Nicky. Yesterday, he got into Jesse's sock drawer; it was so cute, he mismatched every pair. There were tube socks with Argyle...
Kimmy: Oh, that's a classic. Can I get paid up front, please?
Becky: Just keep your eye on 'em, OK?
Kimmy: Hey, whatever you want. You're the baby owner.
Becky: Thanks. The boys are upstairs. And tell Jesse to hurry up or he's gonna miss his graduation.
Kimmy: I'll tell him. [heading upstairs] Hey, hair boy! You better get your butt down here!
[On the Muni, Michelle spots a promo poster for Wake Up, San Francisco.]
Michelle: Daddy, you have a very funny mustache.
Danny: Michelle, you know I don't have a mustache.
Michelle: You do in that picture. [She points to the vandalized poster, showing a drawn-on long handlebar mustache, as well as a couple of blacked-out teeth.]
Becky: [laughs at the poster, until her co-host glares at her] Oh, that's disgraceful [and then takes a picture of it].
[Kimmy has just finished scrubbing off some of the twins' finger paint.]
Kimmy: Finally finished. Hey Siegfried (Alex), where's Roy (Nicky)?
Alex: I don't know.
[She's interrupted by Comet's barking entrance.]
Kimmy: Hey, what's going on Lassie? Did Timmy fall in the lake again?
[He leads her into the living room, by the sleeve, and she can't believe what she sees: Nicky finger-painting just about everywhere, including the TV! It makes her scream at the top of her lungs.]
Jesse: [at the end of a chat with a young man] Before long, you'll be wearing that cap & gown and marching down that aisle just like I was supposed to do tonight [and another passenger takes out his sax and belts out "Pomp and Circumstance"].
Danny: Maybe those 2,000 people didn't hear you, but I know another young guy who sure did.
[Jesse turns his head to the young man he was lecturing and they give each other the original version of the fist bump. Suddenly, a jolt rocks everyone.]
Stephanie: Hey! Either the train's moving or Joey's stomach is outta control.
Joey: Well Jess, you're a high school graduate. What are you gonna do now?
Jesse: I'm going to El Bloat-o's.
[And the saxophonist plays Jesse's most-hated song, the Bonanza theme song.]
- The only episode where D.J. does not appear (Candace Cameron visited her brother Kirk for a week at a camp)
- The episode title is a play on "Subterranean Homesick Blues", a 1965 top 40 song by Bob Dylan
- Despite that Jesse mentions taking the Muni, the subway footage shows New York Subway tunnels and cars, and the subway car set most closely resembles a New York Subway car
- The second episode where Tom Amundsen's name is listed before Jay Abramowitz's instead of after in the co-producers list of the closing credits ("Road to Tokyo" was the first)
- The California senators Becky was referring to are Dianne Feinstein (1992-present) and Barbara Boxer (1992-2017)
- Jesse's "I'm going to El Bloat-O's" is a take on "I'm going to Disney World!"