|Terror in Tanner Town|
|Season 4, episode 10|
|Air date||November 23, 1990|
|Previous||One Last Kiss|
Terror in Tanner Town is episode ten in season four of Full House. It originally aired on November 23, 1990.
Danny wants his girlfriend, Cindy, who is divorced and has a son named Rusty, to meet the family, but she is nervous about introducing Rusty to everyone, and the reasons for that are clear when she brings him over for lunch. Danny has the family come to the living room, lines them up by size and age (with Comet last), and tells them that the lunch means a lot to him, and he really likes Cindy.
At lunch, Jesse asks Joey to pass the salt shaker. When Jesse tips it onto his plate, the lid comes off and his plate is covered with salt. He blames Joey. Cindy comes back to the table, saying she needs to go to the laundromat. She offers to take Rusty with her, but Danny insists that he stay with them. When she leaves, Michelle asks Joey to pour her some milk. He starts to pour it into her glass, but it gets onto the table because there is a hole in the carton. Danny gets up to get a towel to clean it up (see Quotes).
In D.J. and Stephanie's room, Rusty admits to pulling the pranks at lunch, along with giving them trick gum that turns their teeth black. Throughout the day, he pulls a number of pranks on the Tanners, such as tricking Comet into finding a rump roast in the living room while D.J. and Stephanie are bathing him outside, taping over Joey's comedy tape with a show of his own creation, making Danny fall into a mud puddle while playing football with him, locking Jesse, Becky, D.J., and Stephanie in their rooms by tying a jump rope on both rooms' doorknobs (as both rooms are directly across from each other), using shoe polish to paint a black circle around Michelle's eye from looking into a kaleidoscope, and putting green dye in Danny's shampoo before he takes his shower.
When everyone heads into the living room and finds Comet eating the rump roast while lounging on the couch, Danny wonders why, and D.J. asks him to take a wild guess. In fact, they all do so in unison, and it turns out to be the right one: "Rusty!" Danny doesn't think that is like Rusty to do that, but Jesse snaps his brother-in-law back to reality when he leads him over to the mirror (see Quotes).
At the sound of his name, Rusty walks out of the kitchen and into the living room. He tries to escape, but he's not going anywhere unless the family gets answers (see Quotes).
Danny learns that the reason why Rusty had been pulling all those pranks was to try and make Danny and Cindy break up because he wants her to reunite with his father. Danny tells him that he can relate, because his parents divorced too, and it hurts that they are not together. But he tells Rusty that he can't wreck every relationship that his mom tries to make, as it's not fair. Rusty then says that he does not want to talk about it.
His mom returns, to which she notices Danny's green hair. However, she sees through this as well as the rest of the pranks that her son pulled, and threatens to have a talk with him later (see Quotes).
The girls turn the tables on Rusty as he enjoys a root beer float and he finds out the hard way that they put dog food in it. He decides to go make his own ice cream soda treat, and they tell him the glasses are in the wine cellar. But when he opens the door, inside is Michelle spraying him with whipped cream. The older girls join in on the fun and spray him with whipped cream as well (as the studio audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[The opening teaser: Michelle, Becky, and Jesse are in his room. He is wearing a (long-tailed) tuxedo jacket as Becky puts a top hat on his head and Michelle sits on his bed and watches.]
Jesse: Come on. Becky, we haven't even set a date for the wedding yet, and you've already got me trying on goofy hats. Besides, the guests will be disappointed. They're coming to see my hair.
Becky: Well, I'd like a formal wedding and I think a top hat and tails is very elegant, but we can get an objective opinion. Michelle, what do you think of your Uncle Jesse?
Michelle: You look handsome.
Jesse: Did Becky tell you to say that?
Michelle: Yes, she did.
Jesse: And did she give you something?
Michelle: Yes, she did. [And she shows off a lollipop.]
Jesse: Alright, here's a buck. [He gives her a dollar bill.] Tell me what you really think.
Michelle: You look like The Cat in the Hat!
Jesse: [takes off the top hat in frustration and slams it on the bed] I'm not getting married in a Dr. Seuss cartoon! Besides, the formal wedding coincides with my whole Viva Las Vegas motif.
Michelle: [noticing the hat covering her face after putting it on] Hey! It's dark in here! [Jesse removes the hat, as she tells him...] You got a fat head.
Becky: You got that right.
Jesse: [swiping the dollar bill out of Michelle's hand] Give me my buck back!
Michelle: I still got my lollipop [and Jesse mimics her].
[When Danny gets up to get a towel, all of the food and drinks come off the table.]
Danny: How did the tablecloth get tucked into my pants?!
Joey: I have never put anything into his pants. [Danny makes an annoyed face at him.] All right... once, at the Sizzler.
D.J.: [to Rusty] Boy, your mom and my dad are really like each other.
Rusty: Yeah. You girls want some gum?
D.J. & Stephanie: Sure, thanks.
Stephanie: All those accidents at lunch were really weird today.
Rusty: Oh, those weren't accidents. The salt, the milk, the tablecloth, the gum... all compliments of the Rust-man, Master of Disaster.
D.J.: You did all those mean, horrible...? [to Stephanie] Did he say 'gum'?
Stephanie: He said 'gum'.
Both: [upon walking to the mirror and noticing their blackened teeth] Ahhhhh! [They try to wipe it off their teeth.]
Rusty: You girls better start flossing.
Stephanie: What is your problem, kid?!
Rusty: No problem. My philosophy is, 'If you fall for it, you deserve it'.
Stephanie: Well, my philosophy is... I'm telling! [And she starts to leave, but...]
D.J.: [grabbing her by the arm] Steph, wait. Dad really likes Cindy, and she'll be back any minute. Let's just try to be nice to the little rat.
Stephanie: [sighs] Okay. [sarcastically, to Rusty] Want some cheese? [...]
Rusty: [as he leaves to go play football with Danny... (in sing-song)] I'll be ba-ack [with a smirk].
[Danny and Rusty head out to the backyard to play some football.]
Danny: You know, Rus, there's nothing like throwing around the ol' pigskin to get that guy-to-guy bonding thing going. OK, I'll be Joe Montana (QB); you be Jerry Rice (WR).
Rusty: Can I be Joe Montana, Mr. Tanner? He's always been my idol... before I met you.
Danny: Aw, Rus.
Rusty: On two! Hut one! Hut two! [Danny hikes the football to him.] Go deep, Mr. Tanner!
Danny: I'm open, 'Joe'!
Rusty: [throwing the football] You can get it, Mr. Tanner! Run, run! Dive, dive!
Danny: [not noticing what he's diving into] Whoa [splash sound]!
Rusty: Watch out for that mud puddle! [He laughs before Danny comes back, covered in mud.] [shakes his head] Too bad. Almost had it.
Danny: You know, mud tastes worse than it looks. [He spits it out.] Mind if I hit the showers a little early?
Rusty: Good idea, Mr. Tanner. I'll get to know the rest of your family.
Danny: Beautiful [shakes off some mud as he goes in].
Jesse: [sarcastically] This is great. You want some stuffy, boring wedding at a 4-H Club in Nebraska.
Becky: And you want some tacky, rockabilly sock hop at Graceland, the world's largest souvenir stand.
Jesse: [to his Elvis poster] She didn't mean it. [back to Becky] [...] When the band plays our wedding song, it has got to be "Jailhouse Rock".
Becky: Oh, and you want the first words we dance to as husband and wife to be 'Warden threw a party in the county jail'? People will choke on their chicken!
Jesse: No, the chicken comes way after the wedding dance!
Becky: This is ridiculous. We always argue. ... Did you say 'chicken'? [...] Me, too. Finally, something we agree on. We have a foundation to build on here.
Jesse: Rusty, aren't you supposed to be playing with Danny?
Rusty: This is where the action is [as he starts to mess with Jesse's stuff].
Jesse: [stops him] Hey, hey, hey! Don't touch my hair accouterments, please. Here, sit here [on the stand] and don't touch anything. [...] I'm pretty hip to you, wise guy. I know you pulled all those stunts at lunch, but since Danny likes your mother so much, I'm going to let it slide. But from now on, you respect others and their property. Capisce?
Rusty: Capisce. Thanks for setting me straight, Mr. Katsopolis. You're tough, but you're fair.
Jesse: Yeah. Alright, you're a good boy. Have a good day, son [Rusty leaves and closes the door behind him]. [to Becky] You see that? That's how you gotta handle kids like Rusty. Ba-da-boom! You know what I mean? You give 'em a little discipline and they respect you for it... [opens the door, but notices a loop on the knob.] ...or they lock you in your room.
Jesse & Becky: [pulling on his doorknob] Rusty!
D.J. & Stephanie: [pulling on their doorknob] Rusty!
All: [from inside the rooms] Rusty!
[Rusty stands grinning, where the jump rope handles are tied together in the hall, then prances downstairs, all the while ignoring their cries.]
[Rusty is in Joey's room, looking through his camcorder, as he comes down the stairs.]
Joey: Hey, Rusty. What brings you down to my neck of the house?
Rusty: [puts the camcorder on Joey's bed] Oh, I was just admiring your equipment, Mr. Gladstone.
Joey: [picks up the videotape] Well, I'm putting together a tape of my comedy act. I specialize in some pretty darn obscure impressions. Check this out. This one is Mr. Woodchuck: 'Hey, Rusty. Is that table made of... wood?' [That doesn't impress Rusty.] Alright, check this one out. This one's great. You're gonna love it. Bob Hope: 'Hey, I wanna tell ya, that's wild. Ain't it, Rusty, huh? Hey, isn't that somethin'?' [Rusty shakes his head.] Alright. This is an impression of Mr. Woodchuck doing an impression of Bob Hope. [combines them both] 'Hey, that's wild. Isn't that something, Rusty?' [But yet again, Rusty's not impressed.] I got plenty of stuff on this comedy tape that I've been working on for weeks. This is some of my all-time favorite comedy moments. [Rusty sneaks out as Joey pops his tape into the VCR.] So get ready to watch Joey Gladstone... [looks around to see that no one else is in the room] ...talk to himself. [on tape] 'Hi, I'm Joey Gladstone, and well, I put some of my funniest moments on this here tape...' [changing to white noise (static), and then...]
Rusty (on TV): 'This is Rusty-Vision!' [laughs and makes his own funny sounds...]
Joey: Rus-tyyy! [Cut back to the TV, as Rusty continues to act goofy.]
[As D.J. and Stephanie take Comet outside to give him a bath, the older sister has the towel on her shoulder, while the younger holds the bottle of dog shampoo in her right hand and the brush in her left.]
Stephanie: Why do we have to wash Comet? It's so messy, and he shakes water all over...
D.J.: [cutting her off] Would you rather play with Rusty?
Stephanie: [pondering that dilemma, and ultimately deciding...] Comet, bath time. Let's go, boy. Come on.
[Then, the episode's worst nightmare comes downstairs.]
Rusty: Hey, girls. I heard you were tied up for a while [referencing the rope gag from earlier]. Anyone care to look at my kaleidoscope?
Stephanie: [grabs it out of his hand] We're not falling for any more tricks. [She puts it on the table, as the girls and dog are heading out.] Excuse us, but we're giving our dog a bath.
D.J.: Care to join him? We have plenty of flea powder.
Stephanie: Good one, Deej.
Rusty: Yeah, good one – but the Rust-man gets the last laugh.
[Michelle sees the kaleidoscope and looks in it – then finds out she got a black circle around her eye from it when Rusty shows her reflection in the toaster.]
Michelle: [wagging her right finger] You're in big trouble, mister!
[As D.J. and Stephanie are outside giving Comet a bath...]
Rusty: [holding a pot roast in his hand and sticking it out the back door] Comet! Come and get it, boy! Dinner time. [And the lure works as Comet dashes in.]
D.J. & Stephanie: No, Comet! Stay in the tub! No, Comet! Rusty! Come back! [They run into the house with soapy hands and then stop when they notice the black circle around Michelle's eye.]
Stephanie: Michelle, what happened to your eye?
Michelle: It's Rusty's kaleidoscope [holding it up].
D.J.: Which way did they go?
Michelle: [pointing towards the living room] They went thataway. Get 'em! [They run that way and she follows.]
Danny: [comes downstairs with Jesse and Becky, upon hearing the commotion] What's going on? ... Why is there a soapy dog eating a rump roast on my couch?
D.J.: Take a wild guess.
Michelle: That kid is bad news!
Danny: [noticing the mark on her eye] Michelle, did Rusty do that to your eye?
Michelle: With his kaleidoscope.
Danny: That doesn't sound like little Rusty.
Stephanie: Dad, wake up. He's the devil boy.
[Danny removes his towel to reveal his green hair – with separate cuts of shocked looks from the rest of the family.]
Jesse: Danny, just out of curiosity, was 'little Rusty' in the bathroom before you took a shower?
Danny: Yeah. Why do you ask? [When his brother-in-law leads him to the fireplace mirror, he is shocked.] Rusty!
Rusty: Well, my work here is done. It's been a blast, Tanners.
[He tries to escape, but they're not letting him go anywhere.]
Jesse: Hold it! Come here, you.
Danny: No, Jess. He's mine. I'll handle this, everybody.
Joey: Book 'em, Danno! (see Trivia)
Michelle: Be careful, Daddy. He's verrry tricky!
[Cindy comes in as Rusty and Danny finish their heart-to-heart. Danny covers his hair back up to hide it.]
Danny: Hi, Cindy. How's everything at work?
Cindy: Oh, fine. How's everything here?
Danny: Couldn't be better. Rusty's a great kid.
Rusty: I am?
Danny: We had a great time. Right, Rusty?
Rusty: Uh, yeah. Sure.
Cindy: Really? He was good?
Danny: Oh, it was wonderful. We did a lot of stuff. We tossed a football, we played with the dog...
[But then Cindy pulls the towel off his head...]
Cindy: You dyed your hair green?!
Danny: Oh, you noticed. [He tries to come up with an excuse, but the jig is up for her son.] I started using Irish Formula [see Trivia]. It's supposed to work gradually. You know, a little each day.
Cindy: Danny, I don't know how he did this. I searched him before he left the house. [She marches over to her son and gives him the sternest warning he's gotten all day.] You and I are gonna have a talk later, young man! [She turns her attention back to Danny.] I am really sorry, Danny. You know I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to see me again.
Danny: Cindy, it's gonna take a lot more than a green head to ruin this relationship. Of course, I wanna see you again. And I wanna see Rusty, too. Is that OK with you, Rusty?
Rusty: That'd be cool. And I'm sorry. You're cool, Mr. Tanner.
[In the kitchen, the girls are enjoying root beer floats..and have a surprise of their own for Rusty.]
D.J.: Dig in, Rusty.
Stephanie: Yeah, drink your ice cream soda.
Rusty: [starting to sip his drink] Wait a minute: I ain't the Master of Disaster for nothin'. What did you put in it? Dog food?
D.J.: [thinking they played a prank on him this time] He's too smart for us, Steph.
Rusty: I'll just make my own ice cream soda. Where are the glasses?
Stephanie: [pointing towards the wine cellar] In that cupboard.
[And in that cupboard is Michelle, spraying him with whipped cream. Soon, her sisters join in.]
Michelle: Gotcha, dude.
Rusty: Pretty good trick, girls. But you know, this means war!
Stephanie: Anytime, Rusty.
- The episode title is a take on the 1938 film The Terror of Tiny Town (the only musical Western with an all-midget cast)
- The first episode to feature Joey's Mr. Woodchuck voice, but not the puppet (which was the inspiration for "The Legend of Ranger Joe")
- Joey saying, "Book 'em, Danno!" refers to the recurring phrase on Hawaii Five-O (1968–1980), spoken by Steve McGarrett to Daniel "Danno" Williams (the phrase was also used once in the pilot episode of the updated 2010 version, Hawaii Five-0, as a nod to the original series)
- Danny saying "Irish Formula" is a play on the men's hair coloring product "Grecian Formula"
- The fourth and last episode this season to feature the Lorimar Television music in the closing credits, and is actually retained in the syndication repeats and can still be heard over Dave Coulier's voice-over
- The episode aired or was taped out of order, as D.J.'s close-up George Michael poster isn't shown above her bed here, but is shown there in the next episode
- The events of this episode are mentioned in the Fuller House episode "Happy New Year Baby"