|The Day of the Rhino|
|Season 7, episode 9|
|Air date||November 9, 1993|
|Writer(s)||Adam I. Lapidus|
|Previous||Another Opening, Another No Show|
|Next||The Prying Game|
Jesse teaches Nicky and Alex how to make homemade BBQ sauce. Their ingredients include salt, pepper, lemon juice, and hot sauce. When Jesse goes to get the lemon juice in the fridge, and he's not looking, one of the boys pours whatever's left in his sippy cup into the bowl. When Jesse adds in the lemon juice and takes a taste, he's more surprised about the amount of hot sauce put into the mix.
Michelle and her friends are angry at their favorite TV character Rigby the Rhino. After seeing a commercial advertising a big, plush "action Rigby", she and each of her friends order one, but instead of being big and plush, they are tiny and plastic – a clear case of false advertisement. Included is a catalog for the company that makes the Rigby toys, which contains an 800-number which customers can call. So when Stephanie and Michelle explain this to Joey, he thinks it might be worth a shot. When they dial the number, it's like any other customer service number: A menu where your options are chosen by pressing the number on your touch-tone telephone. The options heard are to press "1" if the Rigby pen is leaking, "2" if the Rigby sticker turned everything in the wash orange, and "3" if the customer is dissatisfied with the size of the action Rigby figure, which they press.
Unfortunately, instead of a customer service representative, they get a recording (see Quotes). While they're happy that they weren't put on hold (with the usual "hold" music), that provides little comfort to Michelle. Denise, who was watching the TV commercial with Michelle earlier, stops by the house, complaining that she was also ripped off. Just when they're about to give up, Joey remembers about Rigby's appearance at Bayview Mall, where he is literally going to "rattle that rhino's horn". They gather into a huddle, as he whispers his plan to them.
Stephanie and Joey take Denise, Michelle, and her other friends, along with their tiny plastic Rigbys, to Bayview Mall, where Rigby is making an appearance, and there is a large group of kids and their parents who are there to see Rigby. Stephanie, Joey, Denise, Michelle, and her other friends do not want these kids to be swindled by a commercial that was a lie, so they show their tiny plastic Rigbys to these kids and warn these kids that the commercial was a lie. When they try to stop Rigby, a mall security officer stops them and tells them to leave. However, Joey launches into both a tirade and a lecture to the officer about his Constitutional 1st Amendment rights to free speech and assembly, and when the officer jokes about that (see Quotes), that only emboldens Joey. Finally, everyone has to clear the area.
Back home, Joey explains to Michelle and Denise about how they managed to give their side of the story, even if they did not instantly get the Rigby they wanted. He explains that by them having their voices heard and letting their voices be heard, they managed to stop Rigby's supporters from wasting any more cash on what the opposition considered to be a rip-off.
Later, Rigby shows up at the house and apologizes, and he gives Michelle and Denise each a big, plush Rigby, and then Rigby announces that every kid who received a tiny plastic Rigby will be given a big, plush Rigby. Luckily, they do not have to return the plastic Rigbys that they got. And in addition, he even stays to do the "Rigby dance" with Michelle, Denise, Stephanie, and Joey.
Meanwhile, what is the right answer when a woman asks a question about how she looks? D.J. has asked Steve this question after she comes home with a bad hairdo, and he tries to give out the right opinion (see Quotes). As Becky and Vicky Larson try to fix D.J.'s hair, Danny and Jesse try to teach Steve some appropriate answers to D.J.'s question. Apparently, the reason for D.J.'s bad hairdo was that Kimmy's hairstylist, who did D.J.'s hair, offered a free neck shave, and D.J. obviously wanted to go to another hairstylist, that being Jesse's – Alejandro (from "Cutting It Close"); however, Kimmy couldn't resist the free neck shave.
Becky and Vicky decide to prove a point to D.J. by having her ask Steve how she looks while she has awful-looking makeup on her face because Becky and Vicky do not think Steve knows how to answer that question. D.J. seems reluctant to believe them. It turns out that Steve, despite what Danny and Jesse tried to teach him, knows exactly what to say to her, straight from his heart. That makes Danny and Jesse look like fools.
- Gregg Binkley as the mall security officer, portrayed in the style of Barney Fife (of The Andy Griffith Show). He also played Don Knotts (who played Barney) in the movie Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Three's Company.
- Rosey Brown as Bodyguard (for Rigby). He played offensive tackle for the New York Giants in 1953–1965.
- Erick Weiss as Rigby the Rhino
[Steve is in the living room waiting for his girlfriend.]
D.J.: [enters from the kitchen] Steve, can you believe this hair?
Steve: Uh... Umm... I love it!
D.J.: Are you kidding?! It's awful!
Steve: Oh... Oh, man. I hate it! [...]
D.J.: So, what you're saying is: you just lied to me.
Steve: No! No, what I'm saying is: well... whatever you wanna hear.
[Jesse and Danny believe Steve's making a big mistake.]
Danny: Steven, Steven, Steven.
Steve: What?! What'd I do?!
Jesse: [in a melodramatic manner] He wants to know what he did.
Danny: You waffled.
Jesse: Major waffle.
Danny: First you said something nice.
Jesse: That was good.
Danny: But then you backtracked.
Jesse: That was bad.
[Stephanie presses 3 on the phone.]
Phone recording: It's not the size of your action Rigby that's important, it's the fun that you bring to it. Have a happy Rigby day.
[Joey's just given the cop a lecture about the 1st Amendment.]
Cop: The Constitution stops at The Gap.
The plush Rigby wouldn't be seen again until "Michelle Rides Again (Part 2)", when Michelle catches the twins playing with it, after regaining her memory.
Rigby the Rhino is an apparent take of Barney the Dinosaur.