|Season 4, episode 25|
|Air date||April 26, 1991|
|Previous||Girls Just Wanna Have Fun|
|Next||Rock the Cradle|
Michelle comes into Joey's room asking if he has seen her stuffed pig. She tells him that she looked everywhere to no avail. Joey helps by playing the blues on his harmonica, and while they sing about her troubles, she remembers that she left it in the kitchen and goes downstairs to get it.
Becky is making waffles for breakfast, but everyone seems to be baffled by her efforts (see Quotes).
Danny's blind date last night didn't go well, and at age 33, he feels like he does not have as much youth in him as he used to. After saying that he does not have any gray hair, Becky, Jesse, and Joey prove to him otherwise, each pulling one strand for each one they find (and causing him to scream in pain each time). When his daughters come downstairs, he asks each of them individually how old they think he looks. Michelle says "92" and D.J. just says that he looks old.
Meanwhile, Jesse becomes an unsuspecting participant in Michelle's preschool graduation program and D.J. graduates from junior high school. Michelle's "choice" for a graduation song (see Trivia) annoys everyone, and D.J. is nervous about speaking in front of a class of 300.
As D.J. prepares to move on to high school and Michelle prepares to move on to kindergarten, and both have commencements of their own, Stephanie feels left out because her 3rd-grade year has ended without a commencement (see Quotes).
As the family attends Michelle's commencement, Stephanie mentions she never had one in preschool or kindergarten. Even then, she still feels a bit left out of all the festivities revolving around D.J. and Michelle, so the guys come up with a solution to the problem by giving Stephanie her own commencement at home, complete with high heel shoes and a red hat with tassels (in lieu of a mortarboard).
Everyone else has feelings about this, but they have even bigger feelings about the girls moving out, and them getting older, and Danny getting bald hair.
That night, Danny starts dating 21-year-old Kirsten, a free-spirited college student who has a lot more in common with D.J. than she does with Danny. Kirsten does prefer older men, but she did not realize that he was 33. She gives him a last kiss and says goodbye. After she leaves, he makes sobbing-like sounds.
In the kitchen, Danny is alone, singing a song (see Trivia) over losing Kristen and drowning his sorrows in chocolate cake. D.J. enters and asks if he is in a "crisis". After she reads to him the beginning of her graduation speech, he tells her "you can't live for the future, just like you can't live in the past"—which is what he was doing. Then, to lighten the mood, she tells him that she and Kimmy found his neon outfit, which he had on, very funny.
The other girls come in, cheer him up, and share his cake (see Quotes and photo). (The audience applauds and the EP credits appear.)
[In the teaser, Michelle enters Joey's room while he's playing the harmonica.]
Michelle: [He stops.] Have you seen my piggy?
Joey: Your piggy? No. Is he lost?
Michelle: Yes. I looked everywhere!
Joey: Hmm. Well, I'll tell you, Michelle: Whenever I lose a stuffed animal, there's only one thing that helps me through the night: I play the blues. So, I'll tell you what: I'll get started, and then you tell me the story. Here we go: [plays the first bar of 5 notes on the harmonica, then sings:] Michelle lost her piggy [harmonica].
Michelle: [singing] Oh, where could he be? [He repeats the notes.] He's not in my room [harmonica]. I just remembered [harmonica]: I left him in the kitchen [harmonica] [and downstairs she goes].
Joey: [singing] My baby done left me [harmonica]. Left me for a pig [harmonica]. He wasn't very smart [harmonica]. But, man, he must be bi-i-i-ig. [puts both hands up by his head and moves them like they're puppet backup singers] Oo-oo-ooh, yeah. [speaking] Thank you, ladies.
[Becky is making waffles (or trying to) as Danny comes downstairs.]
Becky, Jesse & Joey: Morning.
Becky: Okay, boys, your waffles are ready. [She opens the waffle iron, only to find the batter stuck (top and bottom).] Everybody grab a fork. It's all-you-can-scrape [instead of all-you-can-eat]. [...] [The guys sit down at the table to eat cereal.]
Joey: So Danny, how'd your blind date go last night?
Danny: Oh, not so good. We played the old guess-your-age game and she guessed I was 33. The nerve of that woman.
Jesse: You are 33.
Danny: So? It's common courtesy to knock off four or five years.
Joey: Maybe she thought she did. Danny, come on, you do have a few gray hairs.
Danny: No, I don't. [All three prove it to him by each yanking a strand as he screams "ow!" each time.] Great [takes them]. Just leave 'em here, alright. Might need 'em as plugs for a hair transplant.
Stephanie: Why don't I get a graduation?
Danny: Steph, you will. You're just going from 3rd grade to 4th grade.
Stephanie: Just? It so happens that I'm going from lower elementary into upper elementary. I'll be playing on a completely different playground, with no monkey bars. This is a very big deal. And nobody cares. How rude!
[At Michelle's graduation...]
Stephanie: Did I mention I never got a robe [gown] or a flat hat [like the preschoolers got]?
[In Jesse's room...]
Danny: Steph, come in here, please. [She does so.]
Joey: Stephanie Judith Tanner, this is your graduation ceremony!
[Everyone hums "Pomp and Circumstance" as they put a robe and hat on her.]
Stephanie: It's a dream come true! How did you ever know I wanted this?
[While Danny sings the blues while playing his guitar and eats cake in the kitchen, a fully-dressed D.J. comes downstairs.]
D.J.: Dad, are you going through some kind of crisis? (Shown in the infobox photo.)
Danny: Mini-crisis. [smiles] But I'll be fine. [He puts his guitar down.] Look at you in your cap and gown. I can't believe my little baby is finally graduating.
D.J.: Well, not 'til tomorrow. I'm just practicing my speech [in her hand] with a tassel in my face. Wanna hear it? 'Today as we prepare to say goodbye to Van Atta Junior High, we realize that everything up until now has been preparation for the future. Finally we're ready to enter high school, and our lives are about to begin.'
Danny: Well, what about the last 14 years? It's like your life hasn't even begun yet.
D.J.: Well, it hasn't. When I get to high school, I'll get to go out on dates, stay up late, backpack across Europe with my boyfriend...
Danny: Wait a minute. We'll fight about that part later. [...] [His other daughters come in...] You know, girls, I may not be 21 anymore, but 33 is feeling pretty good right now. Can life be any better than this?
Michelle: It would be better if I had some chocolate cake.
- Van Atta Junior High School is named after producer (and later co-executive producer) Don Van Atta
- The episode title is likely a take on the 1967 Academy Award-nominated film The Graduate
- "The Wheels on the Bus" by Michelle (solo, then with her class)
- "Rock and Roll All Nite" by Danny (pumped for his date at a rock concert)
- "Pomp and Circumstance" (at the preschool graduation and also hummed by the family at Stephanie's "ceremony")
- "Twist and Shout" by the preschool graduates (dubbed as "Jesse's Little Rippers")
- "Young Girl" by Danny (after he and Kirsten end their relationship)