|Those Better Not Be the Days|
|Season 3, episode 19|
|Air date||February 23, 1990|
|Next||Honey, I Broke the House|
The episode starts with the sisters preparing for a trip to an amusement park. Michelle tries to open up a bag of potato chips, but her older sisters catch her in the act (see Quotes).
Suddenly, Kimmy's mother drives up, and the girls ask for everything else they need for a good time: Danny gives D.J. a clean sweater, Joey gives Stephanie a camera with the works, and Jesse provides a map of the entire park. And, of course, what is a trip to the amusement park without "MONEY!". And Jesse gives Michelle a little advice before they leave (see Quotes). Then, he and Becky prepare to leave for their picnic, leaving Joey and Danny to stay home and watch some basketball on TV. Seconds later, everyone comes back immediately due to a huge thunderstorm, and then Kimmy herself comes over, giving everyone else new plans (see Quotes).
Danny, Jesse, and Joey feel that the girls are taking them for granted. No matter what they do, they never receive a "thank you" from the girls, who expect too much from them. So just before the girls can head off to a newly-opened ice-skating rink, the guys decide that the six of them should participate in a role reversal demonstration and they would assume all the responsibilities that go with the switch (see Quotes).
For example, while the girls go out to watch music videos in the living room and chow down on party food, the guys ask the girls to make them some lunch, which the girls do once they're back on Earth. But, like in reality, the girls are tired of spoiling the guys (see Quotes)!
When it seems that the girls are not catching on as planned, the "grounded" guys envision what could happen in the future if the girls continue their spoiled ways, as Jesse and Danny come down to the basement to talk to Joey (see Quotes).
Thinking about what the future could be like, Danny has a daydream (with the camera zooming in on his face, complete with a dream glissando): the grown-ups are old, Comet has white fur, and the girls are adults still living in their same rooms (see Quotes).
And of course, none of the "old guys" received one "thank you" (see Quotes). And when "Old Jesse" says that their lives are pathetic, "Old Danny" and "Old Joey" say that it's his hair that is pathetic, and they start playing a game of "catch" with it and are able to successfully throw it in the toy chest and close it up, and "Old Jesse" can only demand his hair back as the dream ends.
Coming out of the dream and back to reality, Danny's words sum it up best... or worst (see Quotes & Trivia). Jesse thinks the worst part about the future they imagined is that he wore a wig instead of having real hair. Joey says that one lesson they could learn from this is that they could start being nicer to Kimmy.
Later, the girls come down and lecture the guys, saying that they try and make them a nice lunch, and what do they get in return? Not one "thank you". But, the guys have their own lecture for the girls (see Quotes). With that in mind, the girls step aside and ponder the lecture they gave and the one they received (see Quotes).
Walking back towards the guys, D.J. says that she and Stephanie finally understand the lesson of today's "game" (as the inspirational music plays). All Stephanie wants to add is those two words that they have not said this entire episode until now: "Thank you." She does it in so many ways that D.J. asks her to just plain stop and hug them, and that they do (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
- Jayne Modean as Adult Michelle, who later married Dave Coulier
- Julia Montgomery as Adult Stephanie, known for playing Betty Childs in the Revenge of the Nerds movies
- Melanie Vincz as Adult D.J.
- Rhonda Shear as Adult Kimmy, known for hosting the USA Network's Friday installment of Up All Night (a late-night movie program) for much of the 1990s
[Michelle has trouble opening a bag of potato chips.]
Michelle: [growling] Hey, potato chips. Come out, I wanna eat you.
[But her sisters come down the stairs and bust her on the spot.]
Stephanie: Michelle, are you eating our goodies?
Michelle: I'm trying.
D.J.: [taking the bag] Those are for the ride to the amusement park.
Michelle: Aw, nuts.
Jesse: [to Michelle] Eat your corn dog, your taco and your ice cream after you go on the throw-up rides.
Michelle: You got it, dude [with the thumb sign].
[Just as Jesse and Becky are to depart for their picnic, the girls come back in. Stephanie shields Michelle with her raincoat, while D.J. shields Stephanie with hers, but D.J. has no one to shield her.]
Stephanie: It's raining!
D.J.: It's times like these, I wish I had a big sister.
[The rain gives Becky and everyone else new plans.]
Becky: Jess, what do you say we move this picnic to my place?
Jesse: What do I say? What do I have to say? Have mercy! [They start to leave.]
Stephanie: I have a better idea: let's have the picnic in my room! [She pulls Becky's hand back in.]
D.J.: Come on, Dad. You're gonna take me and Kimmy to the movies [as she pulls his hand and they exit].
Michelle: [to Joey] Let's play hide-and-seek [as she takes him by the hand].
Joey: [disappointed that he can't watch basketball...] Sure, there's nothing else planned.
[But some of those new plans also don't go as planned. Kimmy, Danny, and D.J. come in through the back door.]
Kimmy: [as she and her best friend take off their raincoats] Nice going, Mr. T.
Danny: Don't call me 'Mr. T'. Kimmy, it's not my fault that the movie was sold out.
D.J.: Well Dad, you have to admit, you did drive a little on the slow side.
Kimmy: My grandma goes faster than you...[Danny stares at her.]...without a car.
[Stephanie, Becky, and Jesse come downstairs to the kitchen, with Stephanie holding the basket.]
Stephanie: What a great picnic!
Jesse: Yeah, great for you. You ate all the caviar.
Stephanie: Who knew that stinky little fish eggs could be so delicious?
Becky: Glad you enjoyed it, Steph. Danny, you owe me $200. [She takes her basket back.] I gotta get going. Bye, Danny. [to Jesse] Bye, honey. [They kiss.]
Joey: [from inside the wine cabinet] Bye, Becky!
Becky: Bye, Joey.
Jesse: Joey! [opens the cabinet door] Joseph, what are you doing in there?
Joey: Playing hide-and-seek with Michelle.
Michelle: [coming up from his room to the kitchen] I found you.
[The girls prepare to go to a newly-opened ice-skating rink, but something crosses the guys' minds.]
Jesse: When did we agree to take them ice skating?
Joey: They don't even ask anymore. They assume that their wish is our command.
Danny: And the worst part is, I don't remember getting one 'thank you' today. Do you?
Joey: Let's see... 'Give me', 'Get me', 'Take me', 'Make me', 'Buy me', 'Drive me', 'Find me'... Nope, no 'thank you'.
Jesse: These girls are so unappreciative. I cook, I clean, I iron... I'm starting to sound like my mother.
[The 'game' starts...now!]
Joey: Let's go catch the end of that basketball game.
Stephanie: Not so fast! Let's see if this works. No watching TV until your rooms are clean.
Danny: Guess that means I can watch [alluding to his 'clean freak' nature].
[Michelle is prepared to go ice-skating with D.J. and Stephanie.]
Michelle: [comes in] I'm ready to go "ouce"-skating.
D.J.: Forget it. We're not going "ouce"-skating.
Michelle: Make up your minds! [She angrily throws off her winter cap and puts her hands on her hips.]
[The girls prepare to watch the "Top 10 Video Countdown", and bring some party food into the living room.]
Michelle: Party time!
D.J.: We've got the ice cream.
Stephanie: Let's watch the "Top 10 Video Countdown".
Kimmy: Alright, I love being grounded here.
Michelle: I want my "ouce" cream.
D.J.: You want your ice cream.
Michelle: That's what I said. Don't you listen?
Stephanie: OK, on your mark, get set, pig out!
Joey: Uh, girls. Lunchtime.
D.J.: No, thanks. We skipped right to dessert.
Joey: No, lunch for us kids, remember? The people you're responsible for?
Stephanie: [looking at her sister] The catch.
[The girls have just about had enough of the guys' misbehavior at lunch.]
Stephanie: We've had it! Go to your rooms!
D.J.: Right now. March!
Jesse: Great game, Danny. Now we're being punished.
Stephanie: And no talking!
D.J.: Come on. Go to your rooms, boys. [And that they do, as the girls clean up.] Talk about your selfish, spoiled brats!
Stephanie: All I have to say is, How rude!
[After the break, Jesse and Danny come down to Joey's room.]
Danny: Joey, we need to talk.
Joey: You guys snuck down here. Man, the girls grounded us, we're all gonna get in big trouble.
Jesse: It's a game, you idiot [slapping him upside the head]!
Danny: How did my plan backfire? We totally took the girls for granted just like they did to us, and they never even made the connection.
Joey: Well, if we don't put a stop to this right now, we're gonna be waiting on them hand and foot for the rest of our lives.
Danny: For the rest of our lives? Oh, man. I can see it now. [The camera slowly zooms up to his face.] We're still living in the house. The girls are still living in the house. That dog Comet is still living in the house. This is not a pretty picture.
[With the swift glissando, the nightmare begins with "Old Danny" walking into the kitchen with Dustbuster in hand, and "Old Comet" lying on the floor.]
Old Danny: Stay, Comet. Play dead. You are just playing, aren't you? [Old Comet doesn't make a move – except for his eyelids.] Alright, Dusty, let's see if you've still got any 'suck' left in ya! [He turns it on, and it still does, pulling him along with it!]
Old Joey: [walking upstairs with a bag of potato chips in hand and doing his Popeye laugh...] Well, blow me down! Where's me Olive Oyl? [Old Danny sucks up the chip he's holding, and then pulls it back out.] Oh, you dirt-obsessed old fool! You sucked up my chip.
Danny: I knew you were gonna drop it.
Joey: Does it look like I've dropped any chips [patting his big belly]?
Danny: They're all in there. Millions of 'em.
Old Jesse: [coming downstairs] What are you guys muttering about? Every time I come around, you're muttering! You're muttering to him! He's muttering to you! [And now he mutters!] It's a beautiful day! I remember having a burrito in 1994 at a muffler shop...
Danny: We're muttering? You're muttering! You think you're such a hot young stud! You and your jungle jammies!
Jesse: Well, at least I still have my hair! [But Old Danny then sucks it up, revealing his bald head.]
Danny: Now I have your hair.
[Old Becky makes her presence known.]
Old Jesse: [after they kiss... almost] Have... [thinking] Have...
Old Becky: Mercy! You old poop!
Jesse: No, no... It's, it's "have pity"! ... Come on, babe, let's go down to The Smash Club and you can watch me do my thang!
Becky: I'm so proud of you! [to the guys] My honey is the world's oldest Elvis impersonator.
Jesse: [slowly does the sneer, and with the Elvis voice] Thank you very much... pretty mama. [He tries to do the shake, but it causes his wig to fall off, making Joey laugh.] [...]
[The guys head upstairs to take the girls their breakfast, while Becky has hers (junk food).]
Becky: [pulls out a chair at the table] Well, guess I'll have a seat... [sees the size of the chair] hmm, better make that two!
[The old guys (in the dream sequence) go upstairs with the "girls'" breakfast. They enter the bedroom, with Jesse shouting to wake them up.]
Adult D.J.: [sits up and looks at her clock] Breakfast before noon?
Adult Stephanie: [sits up in her bed] How rude!
D.J.: [stands up and looks at Stephanie] I am so disgusted with hearing 'How rude!' [...]
Adult Michelle: [enters] I'm not in the mood for breakfast. You have any "ouce" cream?
Everyone else: It's ice cream!
Old Joey: And I ate the last gallon this morning.
Adult Michelle: Aw, nuts!
Adult Kimmy: [entering the room] Hi, Tanners!
Old Jesse: [seeing her, he falls back against the chest of drawers] Kimmy Gibbler! [grabbing his heart and almost knocking over the lamp] Oh, my God!
Danny & Joey: [also seeing her in her tight dress] Whoa, baby!
Kimmy: [gives the "old guys" a smile] Eat your hearts out, boys. Too bad you weren’t nicer to me when I was a kid. Come on girls, we gotta get to the mall. Adios, Tanners! [She leaves.] [...]
Jesse: [after all the "girls" go downstairs] Did you hear one 'thank you' today?
Danny & Joey: No.
Jesse: [pointing to Danny] How could you let your kids get so out of control?
Joey: Well, you can't blame me. I'm just the old fat guy who lives in the basement.
[The nightmare is over... for now.]
Danny: And we all lived miserably ever after.
[The girls have given the guys a lecture, but the guys decide to return the favor.]
Jesse: Let me ask you girls: how does it feel not to get a 'thank you'?
Danny: Well, imagine just how much crummier you would've felt if you had to wash our sweaters.
Joey: Rush out for our film.
Jesse: Share your caviar picnic.
Danny: Drop everything to take us to the movies.
D.J.: [pondering their words] Excuse us. [She takes her sister aside to talk about it.] Did you happen to say a 'thank you' for any of the things they did for us today?
Stephanie: No. Did you?
D.J.: No. So this 'game' was to teach us a lesson, and you know what? We needed one.
Stephanie: I think we owe them a couple thousand "thank you"'s.
[They walk back towards the guys.]
D.J.: We really blew it today. You guys do so much, and you're so wonderful. And sometimes, we just expect you to be wonderful, and we forget to tell you how much we appreciate how wonderful you are. [That brings smiles to the guys' faces.] What we're trying to say is, you're really wonderful.
Stephanie: And I just wanna say, 'Thank you'. 'Thanks'. 'Hey pal, good going.' 'Way to go, chum.' ¡'Muchas gracias, amigo!'...
D.J.: Steph... just hug 'em. [And that they do.]
The episode title is a take on the phrase "Those were the days", which means: life was better at a certain time in the past. It is also the title of two well-known songs: a 1968 hit and the theme song to the 1970s sitcom All in the Family.