|Too Little Richard Too Late|
|Season 7, episode 23|
|Air date||May 10, 1994|
|Writer(s)||Marc Warren & Dennis Rinsler|
|Previous||A Date with Fate|
|Next||A House Divided|
In the kitchen, Joey teaches Nicky and Alex how to use safety scissors, in which the blades are neither stainless steel nor sharp like other scissors, and the handles are color-coded and made of rubber to help keep a person's grip on the scissors. The problem is, his scissors aren't cutting any paper, while the twins have no problems at all. Joey's problem is obvious: he's not holding the scissors straight, and that is how they must be held and handled if they are to cut paper at all, let alone properly.
Michelle's favorite part of school, the arts program, has been discontinued because of budget cuts. At a PTA meeting, Danny and Joey stand up for the arts, and Danny nominates Joey for PTA president. The perpetually proclaimed president is Mrs. Carruthers (Marcia Wallace). And although she has a crush on Joey, she does not intend to just give up the position without a fight.
Meanwhile, Jesse gets the whole family tickets to a Little Richard concert. Unfortunately, what he does not know is that Alex and Nicky are outside Stephanie and Michelle's room. As he helps D.J. and the two current roommates fix Michelle's sock drawer, he puts his jacket on one of the chairs at the table. Unbeknownst to him, the boys are able to reach into the pocket, find the tickets, take them downstairs, cut them up, and use them as a part of their collage.
However, all is not lost for Jesse. Denise Frazer's uncle comes over – who happens to be Little Richard (played by Richard himself). Michelle asks him to perform at Joey's rally at the Smash Club that night, which he does – following the rest of the family.
After the fun, Mrs. Carruthers announces that according to the rules, Joey can't be president of the PTA. But, after Joey gives an impassioned speech (see Quotes), she decides to offer him a position of co-president with her. And together they can bring back the arts program.
[At Joey's PTA rally...]
Mrs. Carruthers: Excuse me, people. Now, last night I took a look at the PTA Constitution. It says, and I quote, 'The president of the Frasier Street School PTA must be a parent of a child in the school.' [Danny and Joey exchange disappointed looks.] Now, since Joey is a striking, yet childless bachelor, he is disqualified.
Joey: [as the patrons murmur in surprise and confusion] Wait, wait. Hold on here. Now, wait just a doggone minute. [The patrons become quiet.] I mean what exactly is a 'parent', anyway? I say it's someone who sits up with you all night when you have the measles. [The patrons agree.] Someone who checks to see if there's a monster under your bed [more sounds of agreement].
D.J.: Yeah, Joey.
Joey: It’s someone who helps you rebuild a papier-mache bust of Warren G. Harding the day it's due because he accidentally sat on it the night before, and I'm still sorry about that, Steph.
Stephanie: [smiles] It's Okay.
Joey: Someone who cares, and cries, and hopes that the kids they love... will grow up to be happy and safe, and lead a good life. [The patrons murmur in agreement.]
Joey: And maybe I don't have kids of my own, but in my heart, I'm as much a parent as anybody here! [The patrons—including Mrs. Carruthers—begin applauding and cheering.]
Mrs. Carruthers: Yes, yes!
- The episode title is a take on the idiom, "Too little, too late"
- Scott Weinger (Steve) is credited, but does not appear in this episode