|Season 4, episode 14|
|Air date||January 4, 1991|
|Writer(s)||Dennis Rinsler & Marc Warren|
|Previous||Happy New Year|
|Next||Ol' Brown Eyes|
Fourteen-year-old D.J. desperately wants to buy an expensive pair of shoes called Blow-Outs, which cost $160 per pair. When she does not get the money from Danny, she asks him to let her get a job so she can earn enough money to get the shoes. He reluctantly lets her start working for a photographer named Jack; her job is to dress in a clown-like costume and make reluctant kids smile for the camera. Danny allows her to have the job under one condition: she must make sure that her grades do not drop. However, this is easier said than done, since her science grade has been declining lately. But she believes that the job will not only get her enough money to buy the shoes but also prove to her dad that she is not a little kid anymore.
Meanwhile, Jesse and Becky are unable to agree on where their wedding should take place. He wants the wedding to be at Graceland, and she wants the wedding to be in her hometown in Nebraska. They trade dream sequences, with the Hee-Haw farm motif for Becky's preferred location. After Joey introduces the Graceland scene like Robin Leach from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, they envision themselves as Elvis and Priscilla, and Jesse calls Becky by the name Priscilla several times. Becky questions with disgust if Jesse really wants her hair to look like Marge Simpson. With a little help from Joey, they come to an agreement and decide on having their wedding right in San Francisco. Jesse wants to get married on Elvis' birthday, but Becky suggests Valentine's Day, a mere six weeks away, causing her to scream when she realizes all she has to do to prepare.
Michelle is being an overzealous participant in her preschool's Politeness Week, which makes her an irritant to D.J. and Stephanie. She fails to understand that being the "polite police" is actually impolite, that it can go too far, and that polite requests do not necessarily mean that she would get what she wants (see respective quotes in the quotes section).
D.J. is upset when she gets an “F” on a science exam (see Quotes and photo at left), and the problem gets even worse after Kimmy changes it to an “A”. D.J. lectures her best friend that what she just did was not only wrong, but also dishonest, and deceitful. Then, after a little advice from Jesse, she tells Danny the truth about her grade. He then tells her that she has to quit her job, and that she is not allowed to hang out at the mall until she improves her science grade, to which she remarks that she'll just go back to being a kid. He adds (as the inspirational music plays) that there is nothing wrong with being a kid, and that she should enjoy it while it lasts, as she has the rest of her life to think about adulthood, even if she is a "young woman". After their talk, they hug (just as the music stops; see Quotes and infobox photo). Luckily, D.J. has gotten her first and last paycheck, which is more than enough to pay for the shoes. But after all that quacking and waddling she did to get those reluctant kids to smile for the camera in order to earn that money (see Quotes), she decides to put it in the bank after all that hard work, rather than spend it right away. He thinks she has made the right decision because it sounds like she is learning the value of a dollar. She even asks him for the usual allowance raise, but she knows that he is joking (see Quotes), as he knows she is too old for that. They continue to blab about how expensive things are (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[In the teaser: Jesse is in his room playing the drums when Michelle comes in.]
Michelle: My turn!
Jesse: Oh, I knew you had it in ya! You wanna be just like your Uncle Jesse, right? Okay, here we go [puts her on the seat]. Sit over here, grab the sticks, here [one hand], there [other hand]. Alright now, what you do is start off on the bass drum. Do 1 and 3 on the bass drum, 2 and 4 on the snare, 8s on the high hat; do a big flourish and end up with the cymbal.
Michelle: Are you talking to me?
Jesse: Yeah. Forget all that. Just bang the heck out of them.
[Michelle bangs the drums and cymbals.]
Jesse: [picks her up high] Rock and Roll!
Michelle: We love you, San Francisco! [And 'ends up with the cymbal'.]
[In the kitchen, D.J. and Kimmy enter through the back door.]
D.J.: Dad! Boy, I missed you! [hugs him] How's the greatest dad in the history of dads feeling today?
Danny: Very suspicious.
Kimmy: Compliment him on his shoe-sock-pant combination. Dads love that!
D.J.: Dad, sit down, make yourself comfortable.
Stephanie: Careful, Dad! She needs money, and lots of it.
D.J.: How do you know?
Stephanie: Deej, we go back eight years! We all know when it's kiss-up time.
[Becky and Jesse imagine each other's wedding ideas, starting with (Becky's) Nebraska.]
Joey: [Acting and sounding like Walter Brennan:] Hey, you two kids getting married? Well, consider Nebraska. It's a downright friendly place, with downright friendly folks. 'Corn's as high as an elephant's eye', and dag nabbit, 'the sky's not cloudy all day'. You picture it, Jess, my boy, just picture it!
[(Day)dream sequence #1: Becky comes in on a tractor.]
Becky: [hillbilly voice:] Jesse! Time to get hitched farm boy!
Jesse: Becky you've got me dressed up like a "Beverly Hillbilly".
Becky: You look cuter than a hound dog in a hairnet! Ready or not, here I come! [jumps into his arms] Hi, baby! [Her two front teeth are missing; in reality, they're colored in black paint.]
Jesse: Have mercy [not in a happy way this time].
Becky: Plant a big wet one on me, Jethro!
[She kisses him, as his hat falls off and he stops imagining.]
Jesse: No way! I'm not getting married on Hee Haw [opens her mouth to see her front teeth, then checks to see that they're still there]
Joey: [In the voice of Robin Leach, as he pitches Jesse's wedding idea:] Imagine yourself at Graceland! The luxurious palatial estate of the late great king of rock and roll, Elvis Presley! Where every corner has romance! From the gold plated racquetball course to the newly Astroturf jungle room! With over 9 zillion dollars! Picture it! Picture it! Picture it!
[Dream sequence #2: Becky starts to imagine Graceland, as a rock version of the Bridal Chorus plays in the background.]
Jesse: [Elvis voice:] Where are ya, darlin'? Come out here, baby. Let me see ya. [Becky comes out] Oh yeah, you look like a hunk, a hunk of burnin' bride, baby.
Becky: Jess, are you sure you like my hair like this (Beehive (hairstyle))? I can barely hold my head up.
Jesse: You look prettier than a peanut butter and banana sandwich, Priscilla.
Becky: Jess, my name's Rebecca.
Jesse: Sorry, 'Cilla. 'Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help fallin' in love with you', baby.
Becky: Something doesn't feel right about this wedding. [...] [back to reality] Let's get a few things straight. [poking Jesse's chest with her finger] My name is Rebecca, and I'm not getting married with a hair-do like Marge Simpson!
[Photographer Jack is trying to take a picture of a frowning little boy.]
Jack: Oh, Happy Helper!
D.J.: [walks in wearing a clown costume] Here I am, happy to help!
Jack: Great. Go get Anthony to give us a big tot-shot smile.
D.J.: Hi Anthony! I'm D.J., the Happy Helper. Now, why don't you give me a big, happy smile for the picture?
Anthony: No! [She makes funny faces.] That's not funny.
D.J.: I know what you need. [gets a stuffed toy from the toy chest] It's Howie the Hippo! Look, Howie can zip-o, [tosses it into the air] Howie can flip-o! [to herself] I really feel like a dip-o.
Anthony: That's not funny.
D.J.: [sadly] C'mon, I've had a rough week. Now what can I do to make you laugh?
Anthony: Be a duck!
[She walks and quacks like a duck, he laughs, and his picture is taken.]
[Kimmy and D.J. come through the back door.]
Michelle: Good afternoon, ladies.
D.J. & Kimmy: Good afternoon, Michelle.
D.J.: Is Dad home yet?
Michelle: No, but thank you for asking.
D.J.: Well, at least I'll stay out of trouble for a few more minutes.
Kimmy: D.J., you don't have to show your dad that science test.
D.J.: Yes, I do. I promised him that I'd raise my grade, and he knows that I'm getting my test back today. [She pulls out her science test, and on it: an F.] So when he sees this, I'm dead. The first F of my life.
Michelle: Excuse me, but no elbows on the table.
[After the break...]
D.J.: When my dad finds out about this F [shows it to Kimmy], he's gonna make me quit my job.
Kimmy: You know, now that I look at it [as she pulls out a red pen and uncaps it], I don't think you got an F. I believe that you... [puts a vertical line on the side of the F] got an A [shows it].
D.J.: [angrily grabbing her test back] Kimmy! How could you do that?!
Michelle: It's not polite to yell.
D.J.: Michelle, I have enough problems without the "polite police" on my tail. So, just stay out of this.
Michelle: You forgot to say 'please'.
D.J.: That's it! [She gets up, grabs Michelle under her arms, and quickly carries her out of the kitchen and into the living room.]
Michelle: [as she is being carried] This is not polite. This is not polite. This is not polite. This is not polite.
D.J.: [sets her down and walks back] Thank you.
Michelle: You're not welcome [angrily walks away].
D.J.: I have to go to work [goes to get out her clown costume and makeup]. You know, Kimmy, you really messed me up by giving me that A. Now I can't show it to my dad.
Kimmy: Why not? It's a perfect forgery.
D.J.: Kimmy, don't you understand?! What you did is wrong! It's dishonest. It's deceitful. It... [picks it up and takes a closer look] really does look like an A.
[Later, Stephanie is about to enjoy a cupcake and a glass of milk, when...]
Michelle: May I have that cupcake, please?
Stephanie: No, you may not.
Michelle: But I was polite, and I said "please".
Stephanie: I was polite too, and I said "No, you may not".
Michelle: Well, guess what? [She slams her "badge" down disgustingly.] "Politeness Week" is over! [She impolitely grabs Stephanie's cupcake and bolts out of the kitchen, as Stephanie gives chase.]
Stephanie: [as she chases Michelle] How rude!
D.J.: Here goes. My science grade was an F, and Kimmy changed it to an A.
Danny: I’m just guessing she doesn’t have the authority to do this.
D.J.: Dad, I’m sorry, but with work and all my other classes, I didn’t have time to study for my science test.
Danny: Then you should’ve come to me and told me what was going on. D.J., we had an understanding. You wanted to be a responsible adult and this was the least responsible thing you could’ve done.
D.J.: I just wanted to prove that I could earn my own money.
Danny: Well, that’s all out the window now, because you’re going to have to quit your job, and no hanging out at the mall until you pull up that grade.
D.J.: OK. I guess I’ll go back to being a kid again.
Danny: Deej, there’s nothing wrong with being a kid. You should enjoy it. You got the rest of your life to be an adult.
D.J.: Well, I guess if “being an adult” means wearing a big, red mop on my head, I can handle being a kid a little longer.
Danny: In case I forgot to mention it, you’re a pretty great kid.
D.J.: Thanks, Dad. [They hug, and then she shows him her paycheck.] Well, I guess this is my first and last paycheck.
- The episode title is from the 1988 film of the same name (there was also a 1990 TV series based on the film, which only lasted for 8 episodes)
- The third episode to deal with the topic of money management (the previous were "Mad Money" [1.21] and "D.J.'s Very First Horse" [2.4])
- Part of the basis for the Full House book Way to Go, Chipmunk Cheeks