|You Pet It, You Bought It|
|Season 8, episode 6|
|Air date||November 1, 1994|
|Previous||To Joey, With Love|
|Next||On the Road Again|
The twins are jumping on Michelle's bed trying to wake her up. Apparently, she doesn't like it, so they ask her to go wake her sister up instead. But they say that Stephanie wakes up grumpy. So Michelle gets out of bed and asks Stephanie to teach her how to wake up grumpy, and her roommate barely opens her eyes and responds in a monotonous "Back off, or you're toast." Michelle, scared by what she just heard and saw, thanks her roommate for the "lesson".
Jesse and Joey are trying to come up with a contest to have on their radio show, "Rush Hour Renegades", and the subject of TV theme songs is brought up by Joey, with the idea of asking listeners if they know the lyrics to one. Nicky and Alex like it when Jesse starts singing the theme to Three's Company, in response to Joey's idea.
Michelle has been selling lemonade on an extremely hot day, and surprisingly, she has earned $221. Danny has a painting of his great-great-grandfather, General Cornwall Tanner, enlarged and completely restored (and resembling Danny himself quite a bit). Michelle, without telling anyone how much she earned, does tell the guys she's going to the candy store when she has Kimmy take her out to spend the money. While Michelle and Kimmy are out, Stephanie tells the guys that Michelle earned more than $200. Of course, Danny is surprised, but not as surprised as he is when Michelle and Kimmy bring home a donkey whom Michelle names Shorty.
Michelle explains that she and Kimmy were on their way to the candy store when they happened upon a traveling petting zoo, where she saw Shorty and bought him for the $221 she earned. The problem is, he can't be taken back to the petting zoo because it is now on its way to Seattle. Danny feels that he has no choice but to let Shorty stay the night, and also lets it be known that he is to sleep in the backyard, and that he'll decide what to do with him tomorrow. He also warns Michelle that she'll have to feed and clean up after him, to which Michelle says she's fed and cleaned up after her hamster; however, D.J. assures her that feeding and cleaning up after Shorty is going to be a bigger responsibility than she thinks it'll be...much, much bigger. The twins want to go on a donkey ride but are sent to bed (see Quotes).
While everyone is asleep (or at least trying to get to sleep), Shorty starts making his braying sound. Everyone wakes up, and a neighbor complains about him. D.J. wants to get some sleep so she can look good when her senior picture is taken tomorrow. By this time, it's almost midnight. It seems that Shorty is quiet whenever Jesse sings the Three's Company theme song, so he does that all night in order to keep him quiet.
In the morning, Stephanie discovers that Shorty has chewed a chunk out of a map she made for geography class the previous day. D.J. is having an allergic reaction to him that is causing her eyes to look puffy, have to wear sunglasses, and to be all sniffles which wrecked her chances of looking good for her senior picture (which she remarks will have her looking like a "blotchy blow-fish", and which Stephanie remarks will look good on Hard Copy). He then eats a hole through the painting of Cornwall Tanner. Everyone likes Becky's idea of donating him to the local children's zoo. The problem is, the donation won't get Michelle any money to buy candy for the whole family or even to deposit the rest in the bank, leaving her heart—and her wallet—empty-handed.
Before they part ways with Shorty, they decide to serenade him one last time with the Three's Company theme song (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
Kimmy: [to Stephanie] Boy, you really screwed up this map. Look, you got Florida way down south stickin’ out in the ocean.
Stephanie: Why do I get the feeling there’s a name tag and a paper hat in your future?
Stephanie: So, how’d your little lemonade business go?
Michelle: Not bad. I made $221. [Stephanie, D.J. and Kimmy are surprised]
D.J.: $221? That’s unbelievable!
Stephanie: Give your favorite sister a hug. [she hugs Michelle]
Kimmy: Give your favorite neighbor a hundred. [she holds out her hand]
Michelle: I didn’t get rich by being stupid.
Danny: [turns to Jesse] Jess, this is all your fault. [imitates Jesse] “Hey, you gotta go out and live a little.”
Jesse: A, I don’t talk like that. Two, I thought she was going to the candy store. Now, unless that donkey has a creamy chocolate center, you can’t blame me for this!
Michelle: Well, we were on our way to the candy store when we passed this petting zoo.
Joey: Well, apparently, you didn’t pass it completely!
Alex: Donkey rides!
Nicky: Me first!
Becky: No, guys, the ride is closed. Come on, back to bed.
Jesse: Okay, but you guys gotta help me. [singing] Come and knock on our door...
Danny, Joey, Becky, Stephanie, Michelle: [singing] Come and knock on our door.
Jesse: [singing] We’ve been waiting for you.
Danny, Joey, Becky, Stephanie, Michelle: [singing] We’ve been waiting for you... where the kisses are hers and hers and his...
Jesse: [snaps his fingers] That’s it!
Danny, Joey, Becky, Stephanie, Michelle: [singing] Three’s Company, too.
Jesse: Those are the words!
- The episode title is a play on the phrase “You break it, you buy it”, which is found in many shops (especially those that have very fragile items), in which a retail store holds a customer responsible for damage done to merchandise on display
- Stephanie's "The donkey ate my homework" is a take on the well-known excuse "The dog ate my homework"
- Cornwall Tanner is somewhat of a reference to Civil War general Stonewall Jackson (whose real name was Thomas Jonathan Jackson)
- A similar plot from this episode is used in the first Full House: Michelle book: The Great Pet Project (1995)